i crave quiet much like i do coffee in the morning
the kind of quiet where no one is clamoring for my time nothing is pressing on me no emails, phone calls, instagram, Facebook or etsy conversations no cleaning and laundry to-do lists and errands
just uninterrupted time to unravel just a bit of my heart to take a deep long breath inhaling what God is doing all around me God-wind goosebumps all around me and i want to swim in it i don't want to miss it i want to express to Him how grateful i am...does He know? O God!!!
i can hear the speeding cars .. the humming of life riding up and down the highway as i languish outside a covered patio in my little hotel cleft for the weekend
i struggle with not wanting it to end things are changing so rapidly and for the first time in my life i haven't
forced, orchestrated, manipulated or convinced them
i am a bystander of sorts...in my own life lately
you see i have given up in a good way let go of the reigns of what i think it should look like hindsight tells me i did that a few years ago...i think really ( from my heart ) doing this one thing changed my life
one morning sipping coffee with the singing birds outside my window i laughed like sarah there was no way that God could heal this marriage after all...i could point the finger better than anyone if he would do this or stop that quit this try that try harder..speak this way do what i say do what God says get saved get lost move on i would be responsible for my 20% but no more it just went from
then and only then would i be ok he was a big part of why i was unhappy and just couldn't get my life to work right
but it was a few years after that morning laugh and the trajectory of our family was beyond saving or so i thought
i had spent years begging and pleading for God to work a miracle in my family and in me change my heart O God i wrote humble me use me
those words frequently peppered my dozens of journals
and now as i sit here in a state that now holds two pieces of my heart i am falling in love all over again i wake up in the mornings so full of thankful even when i am feeling crappy due to my new life minus my colon i still am so thankful things could be so different
i return home tomorrow without them honestly, i don't want to go
i want to stay..here where the new beginnings are
and that God loves me enough to build one with us just breaks my heart in all kinds of crazy pieces i am choosing to trust the process though God is teaching i am the student i am listening
i circled this verse in philippians yesterday i am claiming it
Focused on the Goal
12-14 I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.
don't you love those 4 words? focused on the goal
i see myself more now as God's daughter and less of an orphan i am growing deeper in who i am...in Who's i am this has been life-changing for me
it matters less now of how others perceive me who really cares. that can no longer control me
now i know what matters is HOW I PERCEIVE MYSELF
i practice hard my mind-set and that is to trust God to believe Him..to be ALL -IN to give Him room to prove Himself faithful to me He told me He would and i believe Him
i have stopped looking for other people to "save" me i have had to put on my big girl panties and get to work putting action to all of the head knowledge i had
i am awestruck at God's timing i wish i could take it and wrap it in a neat little package so you could open it and understand everything
i know my story is not your story and that is ok i believe our stories teach don't you?
i want to share the years of wilderness memoirs with you to give you hope to build and strengthen you
our family was beyond hope i finally got to the point where i was so angry and bitter...so FULL of unforgiveness that we were on a road going nowhere
and all i can do is sit here and laugh a laugh so deep! at what God has done and is doing it isn't the way i thought it would look that is for sure and i don't have any idea what tomorrow will bring i put all of that behind me i am looking forward to what is ahead
for the first time in waaaay over a decade i have hope for my marriage
i don't live in the past anymore!! the only explanation i have is God took it when i released it just like that but it was hard years in the making
to know God in the ways that i asked of Him the only way to do so was through the storms..there was no other way..for me getting to the end of my stubborn self i had to go through the wilderness of His love #wildernessmemoirs breaking up the hard and fallow places in my heart that i was blind to
all of that finger pointing came right back at me and i knew it i had to be humbled i needed to be able to see life from all kinds of perspectives not just my own
and as important is the fact that God had to work in others hearts as well everything has a time i surely am not to blame for everything but i do see how when one person surrenders and let's go and moves on how it can be like pushing down that first domino..
as i listen to those cars speeding by i don't want that to be me and i don't want to be the car and my life the road and it is blurring past me and i am missing all of the important things all for the love of ...................... you fill in the blank
#theartoflivingcourageously is a risk going ALL-IN with God is a risk following Jesus in the reality of the world we live in not just inside a building...is a risk there are no guarantee's
we are dying!! it could be tomorrow what is really so important that we are striving for more of this world instead of more of God offering ourselves..consecrating ourselves to be changed so that we can help other people change to be real with others so they feel comfortable being real with us so that others know God works in real people with real problems right?
i am willing ready to risk my reputation on God that He can create a whole new beginning that the words He spoke to me all those years ago really are coming to pass right before my eyes that my mind will perceive the new thing He is doing and it begins with me
it begins with YOU!! oh if you need encouragement this morning...i pray you are know how much you are loved that you begin to know you are God's daughter..you are no longer an orphan!! You are not powerless! nothing...absolutely nothing..is to BIG for God!! i pray that God opens your eyes to just one thing today that you know that you know you are not alone..and that there is hope