i am dropping the tailgate down...jump up...let's talki'll share my heart tiffini style...( making no sense..ha!) then i want to listen to yours...that is what we would do if we were together today.. we'll start the week off on the deep end and then end it on a lighter note...
the GIVEAWAY is at the end of the post..i will never know you don't read a word...xo
i have been working on taking back my life and i am giving it to the One who can put all the pieces together again
i stand before the One who knows all of me i can hide nothing from Him
pieces of my broken self is dying off so the new me can rise up from the fire
i can't get back the years i can't make up for it all by sacrificing myself .. punishing myself
i can't i've spent so many years trying to make my fairy tale life come true you know when you grow up without a daddy you seek love from all the wrong places you can manipulate someone into staying with you so you can create that perfect family with until one day you wake up in survival mode desperately trying to bail the water out of the lifeboat but the water is pouring in faster than you can bail it out..there are 5 kids and you and only 5 life preservers...who is sacrificed today..the water rises even more toxic i ultimately stayed in a relationship that i thought was giving my kids what i never had but it was a lie.. laying them on the altar and sacrificing them and me while eroding our hearts from the inside out
i can't change someone else. i tried it really comes down to owning my story by changing myself
i am learning that owning the story also means i can write new chapters i can change the characters i can create a new plot
i am not powerless i am not a victim i am not helpless
all those stories i tell myself about myself are FEARS!! they are lies that keep me living a life in circles always going back when i step to far out in to spaciousness and freedom
and you begin to create life preservers..for everyone..but most importantly..yourself
i have waited for years for "change" i have lived years accepting responsibility for stuff that was not mine really believing it was and this wasn't the only relationship i do this with come to find out "taking responsibility for others" is something i do as easily as i breathe" so i have allowed God room to work in my heart. to radically change me. i am a rebel at heart
i always have been i guess maybe a little david..a little peter i am learning to submit all of me to Him..to use what is weak for His glory so that my weakness are saturated in His Power
and in so many ways and on so many levels what i'm doing "feels" so wrong and i am learning to not live on feelings but in faith new territory remember? never been this way before... but deep in my soul i believe there are slaves in captivity...in eygpt that need to be led out of captivity into the promised land
i have decided to be a jesus follower..not a "christian" or a "religious" person it is time to break the chains forage a new land walls are crumbling...His wind words are burning inside hearts i can feel them blowing all around me as i am taking back my life in grace and truth
you want to know what i am finding as i am taking back my life?
i was broken and bruised now out of the ashes i am burning like a fire
all the pain and the truth i wear like a battle wound so ashamed and confused i am not broken or bruised now i am a warrior i have thicker skin
i am a warrior ( you are more than a conqueror ) i am stronger than i've ever been ( when i am weak - He is strong = i am God-strong my honor is made of steel ( i have the armor to put on ) you can't get in ( because i am surrounded by favor from the one who is fire in the bush ) you can never hurt me ( there is a part of me i can't get back ( now you are a reborn into a new life )
a little girl grew up to fast nothing left you can say
cause you were never going to take the blame anyway it is time to stop waiting ( move forward ) i have seen so many people die in waiting! they wait their whole life away
leave us alone here in egypt - we're better off as slaves in egypt than as corpses in the wilderness exodus 14: 12
going back to what doesn't work BUT we know it inside and out don't we? it is comfortable it is our safety net..
we take 10 steps in and the ground quakes with approaching giants a finger pushes hard into our deepest fears what are we going to do?
how hungry are we?
the red sea scene is filled with passion! God's people being so afraid!! but taking God at His word
ought we to do the same?
the above is being a jesus follower...not 60 minutes on sunday it is living the Word out in everyday real life
it is galations 5:25-25!
Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original
what is engaging 60 minutes a week and then live a life that is no different than the world? i ask myself these same questions!
the choice can go something like this
are you going to stay sick or do you want to be healed and made whole?
abba showed me something last week as i was having a hard morning and i couldn't put my finger on it. i left the house for work with a to do list running long in my mind which turned into a heavy weight and hot irritation
and it sends you straight over the edge at one bump
so anyway - i was driving down the road with no radio cause sometimes it it to much noise for my head and i wanted "still"
and here is what i heard
daughter, why are you carrying it? it is MY WORK and you are carrying the whole weight of it as if it was YOURS
what? i was momentarily stunned
wouldn't you know the first giant i meet is my deepest fear
the bulls eye at the core of my insecurity
BAM! just like that so naturally i grab hold of it and start controlling it as if i can...
but God already went before me right? remember He tells us that so He put the circle maker and now all in...in my path
not a coincidence btw...
it is helping to connect the dots i always ask for God to help me understand HOW TO "do" His word HOW does that look in real life...i so often don't understand at first
how do i take those pieces of verses and change me...
so what was i doing?
i started worrying about how i was going to do all of it
there is a whole other part of this story i can't share of course suffice it to say we are in the thick of it and it is coming down to the one question i have feared for years
it is being narrowed down God and me though He slay me YET will i praise Him
so i gave it back...and again and again it is His work He can handle it it is way bigger than i could ever dream so i am circling my jerico praying for wisdom trying to bridle my hurt-anger standing on the promise that
God will fight the battle for me while i am inwardly STILL!!
we can throw the word brave and courage around like candy..much like i'm sorry and i love you
but when the pestle of life relentlessly grounds you round and round...squeezing out all the fear down to the raw meat
it can get bloody real real quick
what about you? do you feel like this sometimes too?
are you going to give me a chance to prove myself to you daughter? love, abba
THIS is my loaded question today..
it's time to burn the plow no looking back..no more living there..no more egypt
no more slavery
go to our instagram feed and enter to win our new 24" x 48" FIERCE sign!! instagram post will go live around 6:30 cst.. tell us ONE thing you want to do this summer and the WINNER will be announced in wednesdays post...xoxo
winner will be announed in wednesday's post...