i don't want to forfeit the miracleto NOT hear the One Who owns the fire in the burning bush
it is more than a sign business friends more than a house it is more than my story than a growing blog or instagram or pinterest or any diy project
don't get me wrong...it is the business that God is using to help on the road out and i am overwhelmed with gratefulness God-smacked..or shell shocked might be better verbage but i believe with all my heart God has a bigger purpose...BIGGER plans for all of us in whatever dream we are pursuing my heartbeat underneath everything God is doing is my love for Him..to KNOW Him more...to grow deeper as i grow older and to live the rest of my life LOVED by Him and to find greater freedom from my own man-made ways to fill all the empty places in my life...and i pray that for each of YOU too!!
i have been at the end of my rope...for a very long time
jan silvious once said that letting go is the hardest challenge you face because it requires you to lay down every weapon, hook, rope, cord, or device you have for maintaining control...when you let go you determine to trust that God himself will faithfully handle whatever situation your letting go creates - from foolproofing your life
the YES i have been eluding to is my first ever HOUSE!! all on my own and WHY is this such a big deal? and WHY am i sharing a personal information with you
because it is something that only God could have done. and because i pray it gives YOU hope i will be sharing the back story to all of this as we go. i have wrung my heart and hands for years over choices that were made over and over again without my consent with our finances. long story short - it ruined our/my credit beyond repair to where i can get nothing by credit. cash it is. which in some ways i guess can be a good thing. at 45.. when you've never owned a home..your truck is 10 years old and needs repairs...your girl needs braces..you know all that kind of stuff you can't just go out and do it. you have to save for it OR go without and anyone who has gone through this knows that it just adds lots more stress to your life.
so for years i agonized over all of THIS...finances are just a slice of the pie of course but it explains the no resources to have a home
however - God has been watching over His word to perform it...you know He does that right? i am beginning to see this is where He does His best work
i feel so loved by Him...so SEEN i don't know that i have experienced Him in this way before that He is truly is acting as my husband like He promised in isaiah 54: 1-17 the years of verses He gave me that i have recorded in my journal...i see coming true right before my very eyes...
i have no words for it..but face on the ground weeping..thanking Him i believe the years it has taken to be at this place in time has made it all the more deep it is encouraging me to go forward to trust more to pray through...and not GIVE UP girls...i am talking 15 years of wilderness that looked much like jeremiah's description
walking after emptiness they became empty? and did they not say, "where is the LORD?" who brought us up out of the land of egypt, who led us through the wilderness, through a land of deserts and of pits, through a land of drought and of deep darkness, through a land that no one crossed and where no man dwelt....jeremiah 2
traveled down roads like this much?
i am seeing rivers being made in the desert and springs springing up where there weren't any He is making an exodus for me and the kids after 15 soul tiring years God is making a road out...
i see these years being recycled for our good and God's glory and i could just SHOUT it from the rooftops i wish every blogger could just hit publish on the post that says God's POWER is limitless -- He is faithful to the wilderness years..to the wrong choices..to the fleeing out of fear He NEVER leaves us..ever. NO MATTER WHAT. He can use all our junk to make something beautiful and USEFUL to others...ok ok....believe it...share it...it is TRUE!! oh how hard i pray ALL for His glory He is teaching me to be thankful to trust Him He has been taking baby steps with me earning my trust
He is showing me that His power really is limitless that all the bible stories that i know by heart that He is all of those things for me too...and for YOU!
this is a God sized dream that scares me half to death--but shouldn't it? maybe this means i am on the right road for once? if it is GOD SIZED shouldn't it be too BIG? and being afraid just makes sense if we can't do it with our own resources right?
oh abba...my God, You are bringing us home to a land you have prepared for me - You have laid out this gift before me give me the courage to take it
i am now circling all of my life with verses God have given me over the last years...that i have scribbled in my journal adding new ones as He shows them to me have you read the circle maker...it is amazing. you won't regret it
this new land will have giants in it but it will also have milk and honey. provision. abundance this is a way i have never been before a land not yet sown so i must follow You..keeping my focus on You to know where to go
i must depend on you for resources because i don't have any of my own do you know how HARD this is to DO? oh my...i automatically want to grab anything i can other than God.. so daily this is the battle...taking up courage and following God when i can't understand or see a.single.thing and i can do the work you set out for me with my whole heart YOUR part + my part = covenant
because when you strip a human being naked of every device that he puts his trust in you come face to face with you emptiness..your inability to save yourself ...
friends...i was so beyond being able to save myself. i have been in a static state of trust wondering if EVER there was going to be a breakthrough...
real raw faith is believing when there is no absolute way we can do it ourselves. we can't pull out a credit card, secure a loan, our health is failing, we have no family or friends in which to strike a deal, we can't land that job...whatever...you fill in the blank
we are at the end of our own rope..and everyone else's rope... we are naked before God
it is the God of the universe bending down...looking out over all creation for hearts that are ready to risk it all to step out beyond their resources..way beyond their comfort to take up the courage to answer their calling maybe He really does delight in giving good gifts to His people maybe He really is the knight in shining armor...ready to ride in and sweep us off our feet at the first cry at the end of that rope?
but stripped of all those things..and left with no resources..is THIS where real adventure begins? have i been missing it all these years?
what about YOU? what do you think about all of this. i would LOVE to hear your heart? have we been to man-made in our spirituality and trusting in our own means? maybe all these hard places are really opportunities to RISK...