mom didn't let "this" define her...or us THAT is what i want to spend the rest of my life building. THIS is what i want my children to remember me for
if she can..i can
if God brought her through the fire and flood He can bring me through
and just maybe i am that Gideon for my family..but i won't lie. it is a fight. a fight for our life. we really do have an enemy that wants to kill steal and destroy all the dreams and God stories. to be in this kind of battle you are in the front lines. it is a running the race..with the mind set to FINISH the race.
i see the landscape of our family story much like the aftermath of the movie...the impossible...i stare out over the heartbreak and devastation of our family with pieces of my heart swirling in the muddy waters and i watch as it is carried farther and farther down where squinting no longer makes clear
not to be a downer but sometimes i feel we need to pull our heads out of the sand and realize that so many many people are hurting in all sorts of ways. ways that are not always seen on the outside. they have no where to turn..no where for healing and have no hope. THAT was my main thought on this post. compassion. not just in other countries. the ache..the wound is of a different kind. i know my family isn't the only family with plastered smiles labeled the perfect family all the while the closed doors scream silently and the nobody will ever believe us taunts one to the brink.
i know if i am going through this crazy... (most cannot be shared here due to my children and it is our family..not the place) we will have to wait for the book..ha! but my heart just burns for THIS...how people wake up with crazy for lack of a better word and what can we do within our own area of influence. so this is why i write...will write my story. as i go. because somebody somewhere has given up hope..knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt they are the only ones. if that is YOU..you are dead wrong. it is a LIE
my shoulders heave a sigh and i suck in a breath as if that will give me strength from some unknown place and i turn around ready to face the day. still feeling a little worse for the wear. the scars still fresh with a twinge i will run my hand over them as if needing reassurance they are still there. IT is still there. the bag that has in so many ways changed my life. i am beginning to connect the sacred. months before staring out at the river carrying my "life" i would have crumbled into a heap of sobbing messiness.
you see the river flows on with our debris whether we want it to or not.
my to do list is still my to do list sick or not. my plate is still full until i take things off of it..or life does. either way we all have a plate to fill and it is up to us what we put on it. there is also a sneaky plate filler that we don't often think about and that is other people. they can put things on our plate without our permission. if we are married and our partner commits a crime we might have to put their consequences on our plate. a child who gets into trouble can put some consequences on plate...you get my drift?
if your anything like me i have had trouble differentiating what is my responsibility and what is everyone else's. i raised my kids thinking that most of what they were responsible for was mine that is what i thought love was. that is what i was taught. it is all i knew.
but i am not going there today. TODAY is the beginning of a new week. ( this post was meant for monday...ha!) a week that i can pick up a pen and write a whole new chapter in my life. i can turn around from that river of floating debris called my life and i can put the pen and the blank piece of paper down. sit there with my hands open and head turned toward the heavens and empty me from me. this week the floating debris..the pieces of my heart..the years taken and destroyed i can release those and admit my responsibility in whatever comes to mind because believe me ... there is a lot i could have done differently and chose not to for many reasons.
where i find myself right now really is to much for me. for myself. i am weak and i DO need God's strength to put one foot in front of the other while i know there are many in blog land who's worries are what color of paint they will paint or counter tops etc. i wish that were the stage i were at but it isn't and i say that full of grace to everyone else and me someday maybe but this leg of the journey is bringing all my gunk to the surface to be dealt with. whatever the root that is keeping me from really moving forward...for God to RESTORE what God..my daddy God:) has promised me He would restore all that was lost. I have to be able to SEE to RECEIVE....does that make sense? i can't continue to sabotage myself.
and in all this bloggy home decor documenting your life on social media crazed life we all live in...i want..i am determined..to find a happy medium for me. one in which i have time to work and time to really enjoy the small sacred things in my life.
the river carries many things. some are mine and some are not...and some i am not sure who's they are yet. i know i cannot deal with all of mine yet. i CAN work on one or two things though. so for now some things will just have to float on for awhile.
this week i am going back to my 5 things...my PLAN to WORK. i think this summer is a perfect time to tackle some of these things so that when the crisp fall air come trickling in with it some peace for my heart will come with it as well.
closing the shop and rearranging it to work for me has been a HUGE burden lifter. It will RE-OPEN June 28 with 20 spots for orders. i think i am really really going to like it. it is going to give me time to create other things to sale to be more orderly and on time. we still have a butt load of signs to be caught up but that is ok. i take it one day at a time and do what i can do within each day and you know what? that is ALL i can do. period:) and i smile.
in case you missed it here is my plan to work for the summer of 2013
- daily read truth - His words - spend time talking everything over with me
- write your story each day..blog it..capture it in photos
- keep building signs and shop
- begin to recover the house. remember the re-booting. keep going. simplify
- ENJOY the summer with my FAMILY
- begin an exercise routine again. start small just start
now that we have established the big picture lets begin to fill in each piece of the puzzle. kinda like they teach us in Precept class..:) so for the rest of the weeks i will share pieces of my life my story as i write it. we may have to refer back to the big picture from time to time as it is the frame holding our story together but oh what fun to dream His dreams...to start fresh! after all i do have a pencil" and a blank piece of paper.....how about you? do you have your blank piece of paper and pencil in hand? i sure hope so...
we have all sorts of fun things happening that we will be sure to share with you:) umkay? cause even in the muddy waters one can find BEAUTY
oh our CURTAINS ARE FOR SALE IN THE SHOP! click here:)
all the Impossible movie images came from here