when i make my heart available to him..leaving it wide open he is able to work his way in and draw me tenderly into his arms it then begs the question ---- what does that LOOK like...how is that carried out in the flesh...inside my circumstances..this is where i have spent the last three years...learning relationship rather than doing religion. Jesus is not a product that will make life perfect, He's a living being that wants a relationship and relationships are hard. -Don Miller
am i willing to change and grow when i push up against pain?
RE-BOOTING is more than organizing my clutter...it is digging deep into the clutter of my heart and taking his hand as i do. i've always been drawn to look back at my story..much like a nagging wife ...this deep urge to know more of him and be known by him has compelled me much of my life.
i can't explain it. i don't understand it but one thing i am doing is opening myself up to it. why?
because i am beginning to believe that to know more of my abba and for me to be known by Him there will be pain but it is in that pain that he meets me and does his healing work. so that in turn i can be ready when he calls to take another's hand and join them in their journey. their story.
RE-BOOTING today is an invitation. to step out of religion and into relationships.
to step out of the routine rigidity of ritualistic checklists of the modern day American church and into the biggest story being written. American life. it is letting down my judgemental thoughts that my sin is different than anyone else's and accepting the invitation to walk among the crowds. it is in a way...an invitation to freedom.
there is a battlefield out there. it is the unknown. frightening i know. there will be pain and mess and ugly for sure. but i feel so compelled to be there. i don't know how he will be able to use me in that yet. i don't. all i know is i can be available and pray and then listen and watch.
he answers in ways we don't expect doesn't he?
how can we close our eyes and ears to the cry of the orphan and widow? they don't all look like the poster child for compassion. they come in all shapes and sizes and their stories are all different but they all have a common denominator -- they have a hole in their heart to know and be known.
and who will tell them..no..show them that if we aren't willing to lay our hearts out there with courageous vulnerability - risk being hurt.
real life is-- not everyone's story ends happy. not everyone is healed. not every marriage is saved. people die, get sick, lose jobs, cheat, lie and refuse to hear and stay in the same vicious cycle of dysfunction their whole lives. some stay in the hope God will rescue and change and i have seen them die... sick in their own mess of abuse that if they would have had someone help them walk out..given them tools and they themselves been willing to open up to the pain of learning how to walk differently their lives would have been very different.
this is where i walk. 15 years of the same cycle opened my eyes to a choice. i could either walk the same way i'd always walked and that generationally i was pre-programmed to walk OR i could choose to learn to walk differently.
while psych books would tell me i have learned helplessness God tells me that Ephesians
i watched chasing mavericks yesterday and frosty ( the mentor surfer dude ) said this to jay ( the student surfer dude)
jay had panicked under the water while diving and seeing a 15 ft shark..when they got back on the boat frosty asked him what happened down there and jay said he panicked.
frosty said fear and panic are two separate emotions.
fear is healthy panic is deadly
it is how you "surf'"when everything goes wrong
that reminded me of life. hurt, betrayal, pain...is all going to be there as a normal part of life but it is how we handle those emotions when faced with them that makes all the difference in our stories.
it is what we do with the fear when it comes when everything is going wrong...
i am beginning to. just the tip of the iceberg RE-BOOTING this week has been all about the internal. mapping out my heart a bit.
really listening and looking for an invitation
and yes...a little bit of cleaning out the basement is happening too:)...happy saturday
***all photos are taken by Nikki:)