when you want to eat a whole bag of powdered sugar donuts

5-1-5-0 somebody call the po po..it is all crazy up in here ya'll.  I am just this side of loco..all up in here in this mind of mine which we all know affects the heart.

The calendar is ready to turn..the list of TO DO's is growing faster than the check marks.  Ushering in the school year brings with it school activities that lied dormant during summer.

 The list of home projects is growing and pulling at my pants like a incessant toddler

 when there is more weeds than grass only because we've been in a drought..thank you Jesus for no grass as you know it is one less thing I have to check of the

TO-DO list amen

{Here is the scenario} I am engrossed in work.  There is a deadline.  If that deadline is missed it is your behind.  Your reputation is ruined.  There is no money.  You have 10 projects of varying degrees of completion and the child yells down the stairs....MOM - you need to get 15 dollars for the art fee .. I need it this morning.  The dam of my heart breaks...inside.  I walk upstairs trying to compose the urgent need of a straight jacket for myself.  I didn't want the poor thing thinking I really had gone crazy this time.

After dropping her off at school I drove home.  Looking in the rear view mirror and as if God were sitting right there behind me.  Our eyes locked and I knew.  I know Papa...i know

I have lost my focus haven't I?  lost sight of who I am serving.  Lost the bigger picture.  With that comes less time really spent with You.  A little less joy that isn't contrived.  I see a little less of the beauty in the everyday moments.

and so I sat down and opened the LIVING WORD..you know the one?  when in Nehemiah 8:5-6 it was only the word read with no music, no big fancy building, no children's programs to keep our children..nothing and it brought AMEN's with hands raised and dropping to knee's and I want that back.  I don't need super sizing or the fancy customization's.  I just need Jesus.  I need His presence in my everyday.  I need His trust.  His love.  His direction.

and this is what I later read that put some flesh on the bones of what He reminded me of.

"whatever truth God shows you, you are meant to become it, but you have to allow time to become.  

Don't get so busy doing that you forget to learn how to be!  

You've got to have time to process truth and to establish it in terms of your thinking, language and behavior

.....Graham Cooke

see a recurring theme here?  yeah..me too

So to get back on track here is what I am currently doing...

::Drinking lots of water.  Sometimes with lemon.  I.HATE.water!!  I was living on tea and Dr. Pepper.  A habit I had broke for over a year.  How sneaky is this addiction

so now instead of my morning Dr. P/half cut tea I get a large water with fresh cut lime or lemon

::I bought a Ninja and began drinking a smoothie once a day

{ I find that taking better care of myself and my appearance helps my heart to be more focused too }  eating out a little less

I find it funny how I often have to re-assess my life and adjust.  When I was younger I just didn't think about it when something wasn't working:/

I am cooking more dinner at home.  My kids are happier when I do.

::Taking time to step back and look at the places in my life that need balance.  I have to make time in my life { and my heart & mind } to learn to be..to become

after all...isn't what this is really all about I ask myself...

::I say the truths God has shown me over the last year to myself...daily..ok all of the time

being reminded that I am truly REDEEMED..I no longer am a prisoner..God has set me free

and I AM NOT who I used to be....

I offer my trust up to Him each day { and throughout the day as needed } as an offering because sometimes that is all I have to give and it is my most

treasured possesion.

and when I heard this song...I too knelt with hands raised and cried my eyes out making signs the other day.  What a sight that must have been had one of the kids


Redeemed {Big Daddy Weave}

I pray these words bring your heart to its knees in love and gratefulness as it did mine.  If you find yourself in the midst of wanting to down a bag of donuts..ask why?  what is going on that you may

need to re-focus

have you...like me...forgotten your purpose just a little

let the dream lessen

we are so human aren't we..we really don't have it all together like we think we do sometimes.  God knows that and He loves us in all of our humanness.

One of my favorite books STILL..is Jesus Calling.  I meditate on it everyday.  She makes it like a donut that you just can't wait to eat.

girls...I love ya!  Sorry I can't always make posts be feel good and perfect...I just don't play that game well.

this is just the real me

and I'm happy to say I haven't eaten a bag of donuts...yet

one day and moment at a time

is there anything that you do when things are piling up that helps you re-focus