adjusting to new lenses can be hard sometimes can't it? As I have been praying for new eyes to see more than my own pain of circumstances..the shifting of position if you will. Blogging sometimes frustrates me because I am torn between pouring out my heart everyday for just ME..to balancing what is helpful and what should be left between God and I.
I read back over where I was a year ago today and sitting back looking at where the dream is today and I marvel at God's dealings with me. I have been reading through I Samuel slowly over the last couple of weeks.. just started 2 Samuel. It is a biographical account of a man whose frame is dust, but a man whom God would later say was a man after His own heart.
And I think..I too am a woman whose frame is dust and I yearn to be a woman after God's own heart. I know many of you feel the same way.
Often I have to step back from the dream...from my circumstances and lay them out before Him. I have done that today.
Things are way fun around here lately but there are things you don't 'see' on everyday on my blog.
My truck's transmission has been out and a couple of weeks ago it just didn't start and it maybe the fuel pump. I have no truck to haul for our work. I am stuck as to what to do about it. Thankfully Nikki has been sharing her car with me.
There is a trash heap of past consequences that to this day...I am left dumbfounded dealing with things he chose and still will not accept responsibility and blame shifts it all on the kids and I but there is that funny place I am in with money and attempting to be at a place where I can support the family myself. Just not there yet.
The whole house is old and needs updating. No garbage disposal. No dishwasher....I can complain and be very ungrateful if I choose. It all is minor things but together can fall apart in a moment when the straw falls and breaks the camels back..you know what I mean?
Nikki and I are working so hard to establish our business and by God's grace it is growing and we are LOVING it..
looking at the landscape on Monday...I see HILLS...and you know what the Bible says about hills right? Hills always have valleys. My eyes do look today at the hills where my help comes from. My help comes from the Lord. If I had the MEANS to accomplish my dream on my own it would not make me into a woman after His own heart. ALL of the above circumstances I am choosing to put into HIS hands today and everyday..every moment. He will do miracles! I just know it.
I humbly ask you this morning to always keep at the back of your mind that while there are so many blessings I have .. many things I am thankful for that someday I hope to write a book to let the whole story out but I can't right now because I am still living it and I do not know the ending. This dream..is a learning process for me. Learning to trust Him to be my means. I have tried for the last 13 years to do things myself in a myriad of ways..none of them worked.
You know what has? Letting go of control and learning to trust Him to do what is best for me. Learning to trust that He really loves ME. That He is not out to punish me..take good things away from me. God is not an earthly parent!!
My heart wants to share with yours today that if you do not have the means to get out..to see any way out..like the children at the Red Sea..God DOES make a way. HE desires us. God desires YOU. He wants to be our means.
My hearts lays my trust at His feet today in worship. I want to honor Him today with giving Him my trust that He will work all things out for my good and His glory.
and that is how my Monday is starting off.
how is your Monday going friend:)?? I really would love to know. Only grace here...xoxo