Tag Archives: freedom

You mean I’m not superwoman?

we weave the lessons into the fabric of our daily moments until they become a part of us

Sarah Ban Breathnach

He will not only deliver you; but in doing so, He will give you a lesson that you will never forget, and to which, in many a psalm and song, in after days, you will revert.  You will never be able to thank God enough for having done just as He has.

photo source here

it rent me sore…my cape that fell hard that day. I was born complicated and in this complication I learned ways in which I strangled the voice of purpose God knitted me so beautifully with.  He knew the plans He had for me but the problem was- no one else did. Not even me. so with the wounds came the lies stitched tight.

years of being driven came out of those tight stitched lies … the “not enough” stitch. This name tag I own because it was my truth . not THE truth.  I lived out of I’m complicated the majority of the time.  Subsequently, I lived with the consequences of this name tag.  The worthlessness I felt..I can’t do or be enough to please anyone…even God.  It drives me to do.. and do.. and do.

I’m tired.  I want to quit.  Those were my closest friends.

If one is never enough what ever in the world could make one enough?  the soul wears out in the doing.

When Jesus had tasted it, he said, “It is finished!” Then he bowed his head and released his spirit.  John 19:30

And all who are recipients of that salvation are granted everything pertaining to life and godliness through the true knowledge of Christ (2 Pet. 1:3)

Christ was enough..He was the perfect sacrifice.  Christ fulfilled ALL of the law. so when God sees me  He sees Christ and He is perfect.  Christ is ENOUGH therefore I am enough.  I don’t have to fulfill ANY law!!  I’ve been given everything I need.  It is all there for me to excavate to live a whole-hearted life of freedom.  Believe me – I am digging wrapped in the robe of Christ.

A couple of weeks ago a Dr. said to me ” your complicated” and that which I thought I’d buried erupted through an open wound.   Those two words. why now?  the fabric of my soul begin to pull…Father what?  am I complicated?  it took me right back to eyes staring at me with disgust and disappointment..I was a child.  Another wound..another lie.  and maybe I was.  to complicated.  Frantic – I looked around for something to stop the blood.  I always look to myself first and out of nowhere I felt the hard pressure of the words with breath

you are not an orphan child .. your my daughter

then silence……….long silence

then deep pressure saying you are enough..quit doing and the seeping slowed. WORD was seeping IN.

Nothing is to hard for me Tiffini

for you see -I’ve loved you from before time and I knitted you together just the way I wanted you and all of this as He spread His hands far and wide so far in fact- I couldn’t even see..is for all of the land that I am going to give you..and your children and your children’s children.  For you see – I have a Big Story…and you have just a part.  and just like I told you in October it is My song that I gave you and in your fear you think it is yours…tell My story.

your story .. will forever remain incomplete…until you let me do what only I can do with your hurt…Let Me perfect that which concerns you.

Beth Moore – Breaking Free

I created you to be a word woman.  You can run and keep tying that cape trying and be something different .. to fit in..but you won’t.  In your heart you know this.  Your spirit tells you these are truth words.  It is up to you what to do with them.

the world doesn’t need anymore superwomen…the world needs word women

The dark horse has become the symbol of the ordinary person

who comes out a winner due to the grace of God.

But most importantly, the dark horse is the image of real Christianity…righteousness amidst human flaws.

The church is inundated with white horses.  Flawless, successful, inaccessible leaders who only drive the average Christian

deeper into frustration, guilt and failure.

If we are to learn to follow Christ, it will be the dark horses, not the white ones, that will show us the way.

Keith Miller-

 

God is knitting the fabric of our lives…round the world…women gathered together…word women…and it is something to celebrate – new garments made in love..knitted in love, something women have always done.

the fire is warm and women are waiting.  now is the time.  bare your heart and let go of the pain that so easily takes you captive and let Him begin to perfect that which concerns you.  Will you?  will I?

the cape is buried for good what about yours ?  there is a place right beside me…are you ready for more Word women?

xo..

 

 

Loved this -

Emily @ Chatting at the Sky post…making decisions

We are going to Omaha, NE today for Grace’s first dance competition!  Praying all of your weekends are filled with gratefulness. love. joy and each other.  See you on Dear Monday…xo  My heart has been filled by your words of encouragement to Why do you blog?  You encourage me…every single one of you.

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Word Women Wednesday & Link Up

We have to trust that our stories deserve to be told. We may discover that the better we tell our stories the better we will want to live them. ~Henri Nouwen

She’s passion, she’s broken, she bleeds words, she is a warrior and intercessor, she is His child, a wife and a mama and I am SO blessed to  have her in my life…meet Abby @ Fan the Flame. She is allowing her life – her families life…to be written by Him…living in the words He breathes over her…she embodies them and breathes them out … altering the space around…meet Abby at the intersection of fear vs. faith.

Who Does This?!…The Unraveling of Missionary Clothes

“26 Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth.

27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are,

29 so that no one may boast before him.

30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”

~I Corinthians 1:26-31

We are THOSE missionaries.  The ones that have all of the answers and are FULL OF FAITH and fearlessly wield machetes if called to tribes in jungles and…

Well, I’m sure you know better and I share with you to say that it’s a messy journey just like yours.  He holds us and gives us (especially ME) unending Grace as we walk this unknown path in preparation for a move to Budapest, Hungary to minister to high school students long-term.

Here’s a peek into one of those times when all of the pretense unravels and it gets REAL.

Once upon a December evening, I was heard talking exactly like this with to my husband:

“I am not going to make it moving overseas.

I am a SPAZ…A MAJOR SPAZ…JUST ASK MY TWIN…she’s dealt with it the longest…

I am not brave like the other ‘missionary moms’ that I know and love who fearlessly conquer foreign roads, doctors, schools, languages (I’m good with those, but this is one of the hardest in the world!)

I don’t remember how to drive in the snow…it doesn’t snow in Florida where I’ve lived for 2.5 years! (as if it’s an eternity)

I will need to be a rock for my kids, but all they will have is a blubbering fool!!

I mean, Who does this??!!

Who leaves friends that seem picked from Heaven for you…that have become your children’s and your family…literally growing up together??!!  Who does this??!!

I. want. to. stay.  I want to do the rational. conventional. comfortable.  Really, really I do.  Please pick me for this.

High school kids are really needy here, too, Lord, please let me stay.

I love my friends, house, life…I love it all.

Honestly, Who Does This??!!

This makes no ‘sense’…It’s the stuff of lunatics and the lost-a-few-marbles’ folks.

What are we thinking???!!  Who Does This??!!

I want to stop feeling transient.  I have two little kids, don’t I deserve the right to nest a home?  Can’t I be reading blogs with ‘fun project’ tips and be turning trash into treasure?! (I do think these are wonderful, by the way!) Not the ones that keep me dealing with my fears, struggles, wanderings (my trash) and having. to. trust. Him. to make it treasure.

Please, Lord, take me out of this rising, roller coaster, I want OFF…I am sea sick from the wind and the waves…Lord, please!  Can’t I just stay. comfortable??!!

Seriously, Who Does this??!!”

Sometimes the human flesh needs to voice itself in the midst of closest community and co-journeyer, husband…to see it’s. all. true.

I am the one who wants to stay comfortable. Don’t. Rock. This. Boat!!!  I am the one who KNOWS she isn’t strong enough for any of this.  I am the one who can get afraid of the littlest things and lacks the metal to endure change…I am the one who would be most likely to stay. safe. comfortable.

But, I am the one He has called.  I’ve learned to say ‘Yes’ to Him.  Though, often, I find myself taking steps I never could imagine in the days where fear and comfort hold the upper hand.

These moments of flesh realizations spur frantic outbursts where I don’t want any of it.  ‘No Lord. No stepping forward.  Continuing in faith.  Please, not me.  Someone else.  I don’t want to do the crazy thing…Not me.’

Some of the wisest words that I have ever received came when I looked at the ‘mountain’ of support WE. NEEDED. TO. RAISE. for our year internship in Hungary and said to the Director of the ministry there “I CAN’T DO THIS…NO.”

And he very calmly continued, “Well, if it was something you thought you could do, where would you need God?”

It was as if the holy hush of the Spirit descended upon me and I was quieted and knew.  This, then, is the thing I must do, because I will need God.  And if I am always strong and confident and comfortable, how am I ever going to need God?

Who Does This??!!!  I do.  Because He. Is. And. Does. It. All.

Does your faith journey ever look like this?  If so, what  or who has the final say?  Fear?  Or Faith?  You? or Him?


Please share your story today of fear vs. faith.  You or HIM?  It can be a new post or an old one. Have you ever been at this intersection before?  Please link your direct URL to the exact post.  If you would be so kind to put the Word women button or a direct link back here in your post so we can share stories…would you?  Please visit others and encourage them on their journey of faith.

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Tara @ Between You & Me is celebrating her FIRST blog birthday & is having a giveaway.  She is giving away one of  her very own creations….Her FAMILY RULES sign.  It is beautiful.  So please go over and say HI and comment to enter and say Happy Birthday!

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Word Women Wednesday & Link Up

Meet my new friend Linsey @ LLH Designs.  I met her through Tara @ Between You and Me and she has stolen a piece of my heart.  She puts you at ease instantly.  She is genuine, sweet, kind and she listens with her heart.  She makes THE most beautiful cards I have ever seen.  She just has a birthday Monday and has sworn off fearing birthdays choosing instead to celebrate her fearfully and wonderfully made self!  And I couldn’t agree more.  Most importantly – I love how she transparently shares her relationship with God and with others.

I want House of Belonging to be a  place where we can be real women in a real world loving a real GOD and then digesting the seeds He is sowing in our lives and living them outloud.  Ann Voscamp @ Holy Experience said

“The words that matter most are the ones we live. And what ranks the highest is how we write our lives.”

I can chew on that awhile.  We are living letters…living words that others breathe in and out every day.

Linsey is a real living letter and I am excited for you to read her…I asked her if she would mind if I re-posted this because it is a real place that so many of us find ourselves in..often.  Here is a word picture of what a women looks like in the process of being set free!

I would be humbled if you’d join me…

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While pretending yesterday was a snow day, I did a lot of blog reading in bed. That sounds dreamy, right? It should’ve been, but instead of gathering inspiration, I became more and more overwhelmed by what I saw…goal setting that intimidated me, accomplishments that shamed me, creativity that was beyond me.

I came away thinking I am DONE blogging…both reading and writing. And it’s not like anyone would notice my absence. It’s not like I have many followers, subscribers, commenters, etc.  With all of the well-read, well-written and hugely followed blogs out there, who needs my ramblings?

But then I read this post by a new blog friend, Tara. {I love her authenticity.} Actually, I first read her post back in July, but I had forgotten all about it. I needed it more today than ever. This quote she shared from Beth Moore stopped me in my tracks:

“INSECURITY’S BEST COVER IS PERFECTIONISM.”

But I’m not insecure, I thought to myself. Never have been. Right. So what was going on yesterday? Why did I feel so intimidated and…INSECURE as I surfed through all of my favorite blogs? It wasn’t because of the person writing. Nope, it was something in me that didn’t feel good enough.

This is the whisper of the enemy of my soul: that I am not good enough. We’ve all heard the whisper. The trouble isn’t in the hearing; it’s in the believing. And when we start believing the lie, it changes the way we see everything.

And you don’t have to go very far to see things through the lens of the lie {that you are not enough}. All it took for me was one step out of my bedroom where I was confronted with this:

Looking at it now, I can see the truth: that we are really missing Elsa and the 10 hours of housekeeping help she provides each week. {Sweet Elsa broke her arm two months ago and has yet to return.} So things get a little crazy around here, and I’m no laundry queen. That’s OKAY.

But when I looked at the laundry room through the lens of the lie {that I’m not enough}, I heard whispers of condemnation in my head. This doesn’t look like all the blog photos I saw yesterday. Other people can do it all. Why can’t you? {The comparisons reeled in my mind.}

Just ignore the mess, Linsey. Keep walking. Go downstairs and read that book you don’t want to read. {More on that another time.} So I went downstairs to grab a cup of tea and sit by the fire when I saw this:

What’s wrong with that, you say? Nothing. Nothing at all. Of course, I can see that now. But with the whispers of condemnation still ricocheting through my head, I thought: look at that boring, empty mantel, the dirty brick, the candle wax I’ve not yet scraped away…

…and the undecorated but yet-to-be-put-away CHRISTMAS TREE for crying out loud! No one who has a decent amount of motivation and respect for her home leaves things looking like this! {There’s that condemnation again.}

You might be tempted to call me crazy, overly perfectionistic, too hard on myself…but I’m taking the risk of sharing this with you because I think there may be others of you who hear these same condemning whispers in your head.

And here’s the deal: there is no amount of will power or goal setting or motivation that can permanently disarm these lies. To think there is would only cause you to further beat yourself up when you fall short. Been there, done that.

So it’s time for a change: not in a resolution-making, goal-setting kind of way, but a change in the way we SEE, which requires a change in the way we THINK. The real question is: what will we choose to BELIEVE when the whispers threaten to undo us?

There’s a lot more to say about those things, but this post is plenty long already. But I will say this: there’s a shift that occurs when we choose to believe the truth. Now I can see things differently.

Instead of fixating on the mantel, I sat beneath it and I enjoyed a hot cup of vanilla tea by a warm fire…and thanked God that I had a fire to enjoy on this chilly day.

And instead of focusing on yet another to-do (or “failure to do”) as I gazed out the window…

..I shifted my gaze to a bird friend {bottom right corner}…

…and took the time to watch him drink, then welcome another friend.

And yes, my laundry room is still a mess (I only showed you half of it!) and my Christmas tree is still standing, but I see things differently now. And I see myself differently.

“For there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).

And THAT, my friends, is the truth…the truth that changes the way I see everything. And if sharing all of this helps even one of you see differently today, too, then this crazy-long post was worth it!

Blessings and hugs to you today from a heart that is being set free!

P.S. I thought robins were spring birds, but it seems they pop out even when it snows! I love the way my blog friend Paige captured a few bird friends here. Doesn’t her post make you want to cozy right up in her home?

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Today, if you’d like to share with us on any area of captivity or where you are choosing being brave over being stuck or just being a real woman in a real world … just enter in the direct URL to your exact post….. If you share –  we would love you to help us find each other by sharing our WORD-women button or linking back to Word Women Wednesdays.  xo:) thanks SO very much.


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Word women wednesdays & LinkUp

Meet my friend Amy over @ Amy Sullivan…what consumes you? She makes me laugh with almost every email..I just love her..I see her as my teacher in some way..what more can I say?  Her heart is gripped by God to write…I love that about her and I pray her words seep into your soul…deep down.

Tiffini challenged us; What keeps you captive in your own mess? Tough question, but I immediately knew the answer.

See, my mess doesn’t look like this.

My mess looks more like this.

My room of captivity? Perfectionism. Perfectionism and performance.

I can give you a laundry list of reasons why my self-worth is tightly coupled to these ugly words, but shiny people don’t list the origin of our flaws, and we certainly do not wallow in them.

I’m sorry to hear about your problems. Head up, shoulders back. Brush it off and march on.  The ground may shake and the walls crash, but when the dust clears, you need to be standing, and preferably with a smile.

At times, being a perfectionist serves me well. I succeed, often, and that feels amazing.

The not-so-great part? I can’t stop trying to prove myself, and that feels sickening.

And here’s the real downer, friends—you can’t be a perfect writer, ever.

Do you know how many times I’ve reread a submission, post, comment, or email only to find it full of errors? Um, countless times.

Any idea what I want to do about these simple mistakes I’ve made? If you guessed smash a coffee cup into the computer screen, you guessed correctly.

Writing is full of mistakes and rejection, and I’m not talking about the kind of rejection that comes in a stamped envelope or a “maybe next time” email, I’m talking about the kind of rejection that comes from friends and family. Yep, the kind of rejection that comes from people not understanding what you are doing, or the kind of rejection that comes from blaring silence.

So why would God, who knows perfectionism is my issue, give me the insatiable desire to write? Writing, a calling that demands I deal with my flaws, daily; a calling that allows people to deem me less-than perfect, often.

The obvious answer? Because perfectionism is my issue, and that sickening feeling that propels me, will also haunt me until I learn my worth isn’t tied to what I achieve, publish, or accomplish, but my worth is found Him.

I must grasp tightly to what I know to be true—

I don’t have to be shiny. I can be flawed. Achievement doesn’t equal worth. I don’t earn more love based on more accomplishments. My value isn’t in thoughts scribbled across blank pages. My true worth is with Him, and I’m pretty sure He doesn’t care about a few grammatical errors.

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Amy – I am STILL trying to wrap my head around YOUR question

why would God, who knows perfectionism is my issue, give me the insatiable desire to write???

You took a HUGE area of captivity and just put it in a nice little package…easy to open and turn over and over…thank you.  I wish I could reach out and just hug you!

Go visit this girl…she lets her daughter Amelia guest post every now..under My Girls View and she is a DOLL!  Amy’s destination is GRATEFUL GIVING.

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Today, if you’d like to share with us on any area of captivity you have/or are struggled with … just enter in the direct URL to your exact post….. If you share – please provide a link back to thehouseofbelonging.com.



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Word-women Wednesdays {LinkUp}

After reading Tara’s post I am certain MANY will identify with her story.  Just this morning in my time with Father…this was the verse

“Comfort, oh comfort my people,”
says your God.
Isaiah 40:1

We pray you let down the wall of protection and allow God a tiny hole where His comfort can find its way in…that  His heart medicine can begin to heal your deep place today… maybe it is still a secret deep place…it’s a beginning.     xo

Here’s Tara’s story

The word that I am focusing on in my life this year is hope.

It doesn’t come easy for me.

I can hope like everything for others.

…just not for myself.

When I was nineteen years old,

I had a memory of some abuse that took place in my life, when I was about four, at the hands of a neighbor.

I remember feeling as if I would drown in my own sorrows

as I began the journey of working through it.

I had only months before come to know God in a real and personal way.

I was experiencing his love and grace in ways I had never experienced before.

And now, with these memories, I began to wonder where he was when it all took place.

I spent the next seven years in God’ word learning truth that sustained me.

I found peace in knowing that we live in a fallen world and people make horrible choices.

…choices that affect others.

I also found peace in admitting that I was one of those people living in this fallen world.

I am broken and totally capable of wrong choices that affect others.

This truth helped me to move through forgiveness in my heart for the hurt that I was experiencing.

I also found comfort and peace in knowing that

God is with the brokenhearted

and the crushed in spirit.

…that meant he was with me in all of it.

I don’t have many clear memories from my early childhood,

but I remember knowing that God loved me and that He was with me.

Over the years, I have had seasons, mostly short lived, when I came face to face again

with that same question…

where is God in the midst of trials and suffering.

I think whenever life unfolds in a way that we don’t expect or plan for,

our deepest insecurities rise to the surface..they’re triggered.

I know that God desires to use those moments to draw out the areas of our hearts

that we haven’t entrusted to him.

When we moved to Orlando a couple of years ago, life slowed down.

We went from serving in a busy church ministry to college ministry

and we no longer lived near family and friends.

It’s amazing what can surface in your heart when life brings about any amount of change.

God has done such a beautiful work in me over the past two decades that I’ve walked with him.

He has restored so much of the brokenness.

He has made beauty out of ashes.

He has brought joy in the middle of mourning.

He has renewed my mind and filled it with his truth.

His truth has brought life to places in me that seemed dead.

But, this particular hurt in my heart is deep.

And the truth is, we have a very real enemy that seeks to destroy us.

Somewhere in the middle of clinging to God’s word for my peace, I believed the enemy’s lie.

…that God can do a great work in me and he can bring much healing, but that he can’t go that deep.


Last week, I was having a particularly hard week when God led me to

Genesis chapter sixteen, and I knew that He was speaking to me.

In this chapter, Abram and his wife had not had children.

His wife, Sarai told him to lay with her maidservant and build their family through her.

Never mind that God had already promised them in chapter fifteen

that their offspring would be as many as the stars.

So, Abram lays with Hagar and she conceives a child whose name became Ishmael.

Hagar began to despise her mistress, Sarai.

Sarai mistreated Hagar so she fled from her.

This happens in life doesn’t it.

Someone makes a choice that affects us and hurts us.

but then we are encouraged in verse seven

“The angel of the Lord found Hagar…”

The Lord found her near a spring in the desert.

She didn’t have to search for God.

He found her and spoke to her.

In verse thirteen it says…

“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,”

for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”

I’m so grateful that he is birthing genuine Hope in my heart, and I pray that he is for you, too.

He sees us.

He finds us right where we are.

We are not forgotten.

He can reach into those deepest places, and he can heal us completely.

Psalms 66:19-20

But God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer.

Praise be to God,

who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love for me!

Psalms 62:5-8

Find rest,O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;

He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

My salvation and my honor depend on God;

He is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Trust in him at all ti mes, O people;

Pour out your hearts to him,

for God is our refuge.

Psalm 62:11

One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard:

that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving.

Beautiful Photo Credits:  GardenView Cottage Tumblr

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Today, if you’d like to share with us on any area of captivity you have/or are struggled with … just enter in the direct URL to your exact post….. If you share –  we would love you to help us find each other by sharing our WORD-women button

HouseofBelonging

{Click HERE to find our more about WORD women Wednesdays or how you can guest post.}

The linky will be open until Thursday evening for your convenience.

If you don’t have a blog and want to follow along you are always welcome to leave a comment.

YOU are always free to write an email and we will do whatever we can to help:)  tiffkilgore@live.com

We are glad you stopped by and pray that 2011 be a simply abundant year to be savored.  FULL of captives set free…giving Him glory…and stopping to help others who are in chains with grace and love.  We hope we can become a woven net of flesh underneath you.

Fearlessly

T

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30 Day Challenge Updates

Life is worth living.  Thisngs will get better.  Don’t ever give up!

the brave girls club

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