I am reading Redeeming Love and Your Secret Name…simultaneously:) I just got Ann Voscamp’s book A Thousand Gifts…can’t seem to find the courage to read it just yet….I just finished Beth Moore’s So Long Insecurity. I have postedhere, here &hereon other books I’ve read.
Book of the Bible
Isaiah is my book right now….so much God is speaking to me here.
Want to read
Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst
Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ by Jeanne Guyon
T.V. Show worth watching
I am not much fun in this dept:( I am not much of a tv watcher. Since we have Netflix – I LOVE documentaries…at the first of the year we watched the No Impact Project and China’s Lost Girls with Lisa Leng. Also like…Food Matters. I tend to lean toward things that are truth and making a difference…that gets me stoked!
crazy… but I like George Lopez, Frasier and I like Hot in Cleveland…
I enjoy cupcake wars…generally like FOOD Network.
Movie I’ve seen ( in or out of theater)
I just watched The Duchess…I don’t know how old it is. It was on Netflix. It was heartwrenching. I prefer fairytale movies where there is a happy ending:) As we speak just watched Sweet Home Alabama…happy ending..
In my Ears
I am still LOVING Kerrie Roberts new CD. I also listened to a song that I heard on Andreas blog The Organic Birdcalled Crows & Locusts by Brooke Fraser that I really like. Dream by Priscilla Ahn… I am really liking and wanting to know more of singers like Priscilla Ahn and Brooke Fraser. I like that sound.
Items of note
Looking forward to lanching a new idea on Valentines Day. I will be sending out an email and asking for your help so be watching your inbox…super SUPER excited
What I’m looking forward to next month
more consistentcy…make days more routine for the kids…and myself. Sitting still…by pursuing what HE is telling me to do
“ A goal without a plan is just a wish. Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Our Goals – bits & pieces
Fridays will be Food Dabbling day. I will share foot/health related blogs I find helpful in rebuilding family health. I will hare stories about our journey toward living more simply … on a budget. My recipes and fitness with a focus on FIT not crazy skinny to look like ” all the TV women”. This is such a big part of my life right now that I have to give one day to it.
Our month is up and in an effort to continue pursuing a balanced. affordable. whole. REAL food diet for our family we are dabbling in vegan-ism ..or more plant based diet these next two weeks.
Last month we agreed to consume less stuff…to not eat out…to cook more whole REAL food…eat less prepackaged foods…drink more water…and my 30 day no sugar challenge.
Here is what we’ve learned so far:
We will keep not eating out. We feel better when we don’t. We all have agreed we feel healthier, more alert, more active and lighter when we don’t eat out as often. This one sticks. We will be cooking most of our meals. I’m not sure it is cheaper though. Unfortunately -you can eat fake food at Taco Bell for 5.0o for a whole bag of eeww!
We are being forced to choose cheap fake food to feed our families over more expensive food that is REAL! We are having to give up some things in order to buy better groceries.
When we do eat out we pretty much all agree to eat Chipotle, Chik-fila, Olive Garden…salads:) or Chinese ( not the deep fried stuff )
We will continue learning to cook real food.
We downgraded to the most basic cable….about 15 channels…and yes the kids are still alive:) It is a start!
I will not deny myself sugar again … why? I ate way more when I started than I would have just eating my snack size ziploc of chocolate chips! I am choosing balance. It works better…for me:)
I’m dabbling because I am trying to find a happy balance of healthy eating. I really believe we have to teach our kids what that is. Educate them and ourselves about what we are putting in our bodies. We can’t believe everything the media is telling us. We have to take responsibility for what is happening to our food system. Our children are going to suffer the consequences of our selfishness. I want to give them that skill to be able to understand that what they put in their bodies is to fuel it for life…for living.
I want them to understand the difference between fit and healthy and skinny and sick. Especially for my daughter. For myself.
Here is my favorite blog this week. Love & Olive Oil is a beautiful blog. Beautiful Food. Eye candy food! Especially love their sweets! Worth a few minutes of your time to go peruse.
When I was little, Dibby told me a story about her cousin who had a dog – just a mutt – and the dog was pregnant. I don’t know how long dogs are pregnant, but she was due to have her puppies in about a week. She was out in the yard one day and got in the way of the lawnmower and her two back legs got cut off. They rushed her to the vet who said, “I can sew her up, or you can put her to sleep if you want. But the puppies are OK – she’ll be able to deliver the puppies. Dibby’s cousin said, “keep her alive.” So the vet sewed up her backside and over the next week that dog learned how to walk. She didn’t spend any time worrying; she just learned to walk by taking two steps in the front and flipping up her backside and then taking two more steps and flipping up her backside again. She gave birth to six little puppies, all in perfect health. She nursed them and then weaned them. And when they learned to walk, they all walked like her.
I went to bed last night angrier than all get out… shoving it down further with a pb&j sandwich at 10:00 pm. Sixteen…full of hurt, betrayal and anger..holed himself up in his dark room with the dark songs feeding the everybody else’s fault and our family is so messed up and they don’t want to go through it all over again… mindset.
The words that could slice through came out almost…his attitude provoked the anger out.
” I can’t stand….” and I wanted to say you–
I walked out carrying that you and went right into my place of emptying and I started talking to You..a reminder went off..talk to me about everything remember? When that anger comes… bring it Here…talked more …slept.
Between being gently shaken and dozing I muttered a good morning and gave Him a hug…the fog still thick the words came again. 4:45 on the phone caught my eye…I finally understood…He wanted me out of bed.
I talked specifically beginning with things that had made me angry with him…then I asked it…the question…WHY am I so angry at them sometimes? In the midst of what at is going on now why this? Have you ever known God to put the focus right back on you when you think it is something else?There was a history to these questions..this wasn’t over last night..this was chronic disease I’d had for 24 years.
Beth Moore said, ” God willed – no matter how difficult – to make sure my two precious pups would not grow up to walk like their mother the victim. Or like her mother the victim.
Me?a victim? that seemed so wrong and yet the piece fit perfectly
There the truth was..it coursed through my body signaling the timing of God’s grace. Father gives grace for truth doesn’t He…truth. Grace for Truth.
I see myself in them…I’m angry at myself for being/staying trapped! when I hear it in them..it rubs up against it..
His word was a gem…meant to be placed in the foundation of my new heart house…my new house…the one that I belong.
I wanted you to know why you are so angry at your children
They’ve learned to walk like you. You are angry because somewhere inside you know where this is headed for them. You see their future…different but the same.
Now you are ready to SEE and to allow me to do something impossible in you and your children’s lives.
I grew up watching the women in my family being victims…to insecurity.
I was a victim as a child. Trapped. I wasn’t given a choice. I moved into adulthood with this mindset attracting relationships that kept me off balance and emotionally drained..controlled to my very core.
Remember at the end of the year when I said here I forgot something and I was going back to get it?
Now I know what I’m supposed to go back for. ME. I’m going back to bring that little girl out of captivity. I feel almost as though God is rending my heart and coming down with the missing pieces I’ve been agonizing over for years
I’ve lived trapped because I believed the lie I was.
I’ve taught my children how to live trapped.
I’m going back for her. I’m ready…He is with me with every step I take. I’m going back to the day I was born. Why? I was once asked the question, ” when was a time in your life when you were the happiest…and I couldn’t really pinpoint a time when I didn’t have this heaviness pushing down on me. The day I was born…or during the nine months. It is there. He wants to show me so He can be there and heal it.
I don’t believe He shows us anything unless we are ready to be healed of it. I’ve said it much lately…no matter how hard fear falls like rain I KNOW God is moving…and I choose to trust. I’m writhing…sweat glistening on my heart…each day brings a new obstacle. His water washes over me.
We have to trust that our stories deserve to be told. We may discover that the better we tell our stories the better we will want to live them. ~Henri Nouwen
She’s passion, she’s broken, she bleeds words, she is a warrior and intercessor, she is His child, a wife and a mama and I am SO blessed to have her in my life…meet Abby @Fan the Flame. She is allowing her life – her families life…to be written by Him…living in the words He breathes over her…she embodies them and breathes them out … altering the space around…meet Abby at the intersection of fear vs. faith.
Who Does This?!…The Unraveling of Missionary Clothes
“26Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth.
27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.28God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are,
29so that no one may boast before him.
30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.31Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”
~I Corinthians 1:26-31
We are THOSE missionaries. The ones that have all of the answers and are FULL OF FAITH and fearlessly wield machetes if called to tribes in jungles and…
Well, I’m sure you know better and I share with you to say that it’s a messy journey just like yours. He holds us and gives us (especially ME) unending Grace as we walk this unknown path in preparation for a move to Budapest, Hungary to minister to high school students long-term.
Here’s a peek into one of those times when all of the pretense unravels and it gets REAL.
Once upon a December evening, I was heard talking exactly like this with to my husband:
“I am not going to make it moving overseas.
I am a SPAZ…A MAJOR SPAZ…JUST ASK MY TWIN…she’s dealt with it the longest…
I am not brave like the other ‘missionary moms’ that I know and love who fearlessly conquer foreign roads, doctors, schools, languages (I’m good with those, but this is one of the hardest in the world!)
I don’t remember how to drive in the snow…it doesn’t snow in Florida where I’ve lived for 2.5 years! (as if it’s an eternity)
I will need to be a rock for my kids, but all they will have is a blubbering fool!!
I mean, Who does this??!!
Who leaves friends that seem picked from Heaven for you…that have become your children’s and your family…literally growing up together??!! Who does this??!!
I. want. to. stay. I want to do the rational. conventional. comfortable. Really, really I do. Please pick me for this.
High school kids are really needy here, too, Lord, please let me stay.
I love my friends, house, life…I love it all.
Honestly, Who Does This??!!
This makes no ‘sense’…It’s the stuff of lunatics and the lost-a-few-marbles’ folks.
What are we thinking???!! Who Does This??!!
I want to stop feeling transient. I have two little kids, don’t I deserve the right to nest a home? Can’t I be reading blogs with ‘fun project’ tips and be turning trash into treasure?! (I do think these are wonderful, by the way!) Not the ones that keep me dealing with my fears, struggles, wanderings (my trash) and having. to. trust. Him. to make it treasure.
Please, Lord, take me out of this rising, roller coaster, I want OFF…I am sea sick from the wind and the waves…Lord, please! Can’t I just stay. comfortable??!!
Seriously, Who Does this??!!”
Sometimes the human flesh needs to voice itself in the midst of closest community and co-journeyer, husband…to see it’s. all. true.
I am the one who wants to stay comfortable. Don’t. Rock. This. Boat!!! I am the one who KNOWS she isn’t strong enough for any of this. I am the one who can get afraid of the littlest things and lacks the metal to endure change…I am the one who would be most likely to stay. safe. comfortable.
But, I am the one He has called. I’ve learned to say ‘Yes’ to Him. Though, often, I find myself taking steps I never could imagine in the days where fear and comfort hold the upper hand.
These moments of flesh realizations spur frantic outbursts where I don’t want any of it. ‘No Lord. No stepping forward. Continuing in faith. Please, not me. Someone else. I don’t want to do the crazy thing…Not me.’
Some of the wisest words that I have ever received came when I looked at the ‘mountain’ of support WE. NEEDED. TO. RAISE. for our year internship in Hungary and said to the Director of the ministry there “I CAN’T DO THIS…NO.”
And he very calmly continued, “Well, if it was something you thought you could do, where would you need God?”
It was as if the holy hush of the Spirit descended upon me and I was quieted and knew. This, then, is the thing I must do, because I will need God. And if I am always strong and confident and comfortable, how am I ever going to need God?
Who Does This??!!! I do. Because He. Is. And. Does. It. All.
Does your faith journey ever look like this? If so, what or who has the final say? Fear? Or Faith? You? or Him?
Please share your story today of fear vs. faith. You or HIM? It can be a new post or an old one. Have you ever been at this intersection before? Please link your direct URL to the exact post. If you would be so kind to put the Word women button or a direct link back here in your post so we can share stories…would you? Please visit others and encourage them on their journey of faith.
Tara @ Between You & Me is celebrating her FIRST blog birthday & is having a giveaway. She is giving away one of her very own creations….Her FAMILY RULES sign. It is beautiful. So please go over and say HI and comment to enter and say Happy Birthday!