soul work – this is where it happens…we’ve just gotten used to relating on levels that avoid soul issues….
from Your Secret Name
Accept my prayer as incense offered to you, and my upraised hands as an evening offering.
“as the sweet gift offered in the evening.”
I’ve always had a receiving issue. It is hard for me to receive something without feeling as if I have to give something back in return. The truth is…I do have those in my life that expect something in return. There is most always a string attached to what they are giving. No thank you…I’d rather not…that is a game I choose not to play.
this has carried over into God and I’s relationship…until lately.
He is not letting this one go…not this time. I’ve always been one to record life…mostly through journaling. When things are deep…words…moments – I want to capture them quick and engrave them on my soul … time elapses and I can’t recall.
My soul has been in turmoil of late…vacillating between feeling as though I have nothing acceptable to give Him and knowing that that is ok. He doesn’t play that game. Remember here when I shared my altar jar with you….this ismy Bethel…my sacred place. It is where the divine and the daily meet…often where the words won’t come and the numb won’t leave… where I am raptured by a love that allows me to just BE..before the angst builds up so much … where the escape eludes me and I silently scream arms raised up high and He comes and I am emptied…spent
Jacob mirrors me…wrestling and I won’t stop…importunity crying out this time Father..each of my senses heightened by His movement…I hear YOU…all around me…this is what you can give to ME… my outpouring… your overfilling. I give Him back all He shares. This sacred place … He pulls me into Him and I breathe Him in and me out…over and over until there is no.more.me
I’m not choosing fear…I’m wrestling…I’m not letting go…going to let fear keep me from my soul being healed..I believe there is a step farther past just settling…just being reconciled to the fact that there isn’t something more…what if there is more…if we open our soul to Him…risk being naked, vulnerable…
Father it is in you that we move and breathe and have our being…unhindered…relentless..naked and vulnerable we pursue you…we will not let go until we’re blessed..we gratefully meet you here…each at our sacred place
…waiting for what you shall say…
Here is my simple gift to you. I pray these help you to build a memorial for remembering…altar cards for you to write your words…His Words in your sacred place…what He has done… is doing…comforting me/you so we can comfort others.
to think about as you move in Him today…what offering do you have to lay on the altar today? Have you ever felt like you had to give God something back when He gave you something? will you refuse to let go until your blessed? ( not talking money here:) are you willing to step a little farther than you ever have before?
Photo Credit - Daniel Farmer
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