a quick update on surgery

Jesus said to her, “Daughter, you took a risk of faith, and now you’re healed and whole.
Live well, live blessed! Be healed of your plague.”

 i vacillate.  one minute i am wanting to tell my kids my heart in case.  i am sure that is normal right?

to

they are gonna see me naked!  some of the surgery will be performed by the davinci robot so i will be laying with my head tilted toward the ground.  i laugh thinking of loose skin tilting toward the ground .. kinda like when you jump on the trampoline and skin goes up when
your coming down…does anyone get this?  i know your out but i think all women worry about being seen naked don’t you?

talk about being vulnerable.  ugh
anywhoo…

i didn’t think about trusting God being a risk until i saw lissa’s facebook post last week.  it didn’t slip by me.  i knew God wanted me
to know this verse…well not ONLY know it but believe it for this surgery.

my surgeon, nurses and other jpouchers have said this surgery will KICK your butt.  that i will feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.
it is the hardest of the three.  good to know..i think

this is the 2nd of 3 surgeries and the hardest.  this is where all the reconstructing of everything will happen.  they will make a new rectum from my small intestine…crazy right?  i will still have the bag for approx. 12 after while everything heals up.  then they check the bag with dye to make sure there are no leaks and
that everything is healed.  the 3rd surgery is what they call the “letdown” and they will make all the plumbing work the old fashioned way..

the surgery will last approximately 6 hours.  it begins at 7:30 cst.  this time i have a wise pain dr. on board.
he suggested an epidural be placed before i go completely under to manage the pain better in recovery.  pretty amazing stuff!:)

there are a couple of more risks with this surgery with 2 of them being

bleeding & infection

so if you would pray for those two things – NO bleeding, NO infection and NO blood clots!
good pain control
that i have my right mind when back in my room
that the dr’s are amazed at how quick my recovery will be
that everything will wake up quickly so i might have a 5 day hospital stay instead of 7?:)
and for my family because they are scared too. Especially my kids.  chelsee my second oldest daughter who lives in florida is sad and scared she can’t be here

please follow me on INSTAGRAM to get updates on the surgery

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i love all of you and thank you for all your support and prayers.  i know i am surrounded by a great cloud of word women.
i will picture that in my mind when i go back to the OR

i was pulling an I Am His sign last night and the words fell on me in a new way

I AM HIS - 18" x 36" ( new size )

i ( tiffini ) am
a daughter of the KING
who is not moved
by the world
for my God is with me
& goes before me
i DO NOT fear
for I AM HIS…xo

 

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Alicia @ La Famille - oh girl!!! I will be thinking of you and sending all sorts of love your way! hugs to you, my friend :) xo

Elizabeth Stewart - Praying for your spirit, soul and body to be covered with God’s protection and that you will be surrounded by His angels.

Lisa Yates - Love and prayers!

Becky - Praying friend!!!

Rachel - Praying for you!

Jackie - Praying for you, Tiffani! He is with you!

Dorothy - Praying for you today as you walk the path laid out for you. May God’s healing hand cover you. May His hand guide the surgeons’ hands who work… and the nurses who care for you. May you experience His absolute comfort and peace. Love to you my sister in Christ.

Sarita - Prayers thanking God for all that He is doing and will do for you with this surgery.
Big hugs sweetie

Debra @ MsMsMoozys Open House - Hun I will be keeping you in my prayers and thoughts that all goes well and your heart is at peace with the surgery. I know it is scary to think about the “what ifs” but your faith is right there with you and it WILL keep you strong. ~Hugs~

Glenda Childers - Praying, Tiffini, for physical, emotional and spiritual protection.
Thanks for this sweet post and the specific requests.

Sending love from Chicago.
Fondly,
Glenda

Melissa - I will keep you in my prayer as you recover, all your requests are in His hands. Blessings to you, the doctors and your family.

Mindy - Praying prayers for you girl…

Patty Page - Praying for you, Tiffani!

carissa fox - praying Tiffini.

He’s right there with you… He’s got you… every step of the way.

BIG love… BIG hugs… BIG prayers.

Robin - Thanks for sharing your story and being such a courageous example for those who may need to follow this same path. And just for being an amazing God loving daughter of the King. Blessings and a speedy recovery to you my new friend! Xo

angela - How great is our God!!! Praying with you and your family.

Pat Allen - Oh Gosh, Tiffini you made me tear up. My heart is beating quickly thinking about what you are going thru and how this affects your kids. I will pray for everything you need and more. Your kids will also be in my prayers. God is good all the time! He will carry you through this.

Lemonade Makin' Mama - Woke up with you on my mind, praying for you, and when i texted, Nikki said you were in surgery. Sending you love sweetie! And prayers for a quick healing and recovery.

Ter'e - Tiff,
We are always with you —- praying for you — and hoping that this surgery will be as easy as possible on your body. You have the perfect mindset and TRUST.
Xoxoxoxoxo
Ter’e

Naomi - Praying for you my friend!! For all to go well and healing comes quickly!! ♥

Kelly Cach - Whew! I read this with my hand covering my mouth….in total amazement of you, of doctors, of JESUS!

Praying for everything you’ve requested!!!
HUGE BLESSINGS & HUGS,
Kelly

Jill - Thank you for giving us specifics to pray. Have been praying for you from Instagram, but came to the blog to see if there was anything else. Am now covering the specifics you listed and believing that God is gonna show up in ways that will confound the docs. Also believing with you that “great will be the peace and undisturbed composure of your children” as it talks about in Isaiah. He’s a good Daddy and He’ll take care of all of you so well!

tara - PRAISING GOD that you are through the surgery and on your way to recovering.
THANKFUL that he is with you every step of the way…
OVERWHELMED by his love and care for you.

Suzanne - Your strength and
your courage continue
to amaze me. I’m so
happy that surgery #2
is behind you and am
sending prayers for
quick healing!

Love from MN,
xo Suzanne

marlece - thinking of you, would love an update, praying

susan@avintagefarmwife - I have been out of the online loop for a few weeks, and I missed this post. Hope all went well and you are on the road to recovery, dear one!

Lemonade Makin' Mama - Love you love you love you and just wanted you to know. Been praying LOTS.

that guy - Since people will be online, they don’t wish to waste time about the computer waiting to determine what is next. Make an endeavor to maintain a person’s eye levels in the person reading the essay.

i am thankful i couldn’t see the future back then…

( disclaimer – this is my first attempt at the beginning of my story.  it is sketchy but it is a start.  i just wanted to begin.  i will go back and back and whittle it down and
fill in details and make things more clear )

phillipians1

all these years later i can still see her face.  a single mom around my age if not a little older would try so hard to come to church each sunday. you could tell by looking at her she was going through a hard time.
she might have even looked up to me for she thought i had what she was lacking and wanted more of.
a thirst and hunger for pursuing to know more of a relationship with jesus.

i had become certified to teach precept classes after taking many classes myself and then teaching a couple i began a sunday morning class for women
titled — women at the well.

i was proud of myself.  i tried hard to put God first in my life…( in hindsight it was at the expense of my family and myself)  i got up at 4 am to study..to plan my lessons.
i couldn’t make myself teach out of someone else’s lesson plans.
i had to know what i was teaching for myself. i wanted to study it and then write the lesson plan.  lofty right?  spiritual right?

i really did think i was doing the right thing.  i didn’t see what was coming.  i was young and wet behind the ears.

the problem wasn’t the studying it was the HOW i was living out Jesus in my life.   i was fast becoming a pharisee.  i was taking on the mindset of the church we attended.

not only was i furthering the cycle of abuse i was unknowingly participating in the abuse.  abuse might sound like a strong word but when you go through what our family did.
i believe that spiritual abuse is a very real thing and damages families.

there is good news….

phillipians

i was blind but now i see!
the mind blowing part of a relationship with a living God for me, is how He takes the things meant to destroy us and used those circumstances for our good!
for others to see Hope from what we went through.

that the plans He has for us are good and he can take dead things and breathe life into them.  not only life
but new life.
in ways you mind would never ever even think of or imagine in your wildest dreams.

i had to laugh at phil last night.  on an episode of modern family he is telling claire and gloria to talk it out.  not to suppress their feelings. not to shove it under the rug
because if you do the rug will get lumpy.

over a decade of debris was under that rug and the first shaking was about to happen.  life as i knew it was about to change.  forever.

i didn’t use to know that God was always with me.  now i know that a lot more.  God knew what twists and turns i would take.  what choices my husband was going to make.
the choices the perpetrators were going to make.
He knew the journey we were embarking on.

one of my favorite old testament stories is where God told moses he was taking His people out to bring them in.  into a promised land.
my favorite part or i should say the most comforting part is that God also said
there were going to be enemies in this new land.  God also said He wasn’t going to get rid of them all at once.  He was going to drive them out little by little.  i think so they could war.
learn how to fight the enemy.  ( exodus 23:20-33)

i am thankful i couldn’t see the future back then.  i would have turned tail and ran.
everything i thought we had.  who i thought i was.  my hopes and dreams.  my plans…were gone.
i had some enemies i had to fight and defeat in my life.

looking back now i am beginning to see God has taken those ruins i thought were hopeless and used them to teach me.  He allowed me to walk in a single mom’s shoes
i can’t tell you HOW God does it but if we ask and are teachable..for eyes to see He lets us peer into the hearts of other human beings.  He lets us experience their
pain.  their stories.

an ENEMY to be driven out

you see…God knew the MORE problem i had..ok have and i am reminded everyday now that we don’t get to choose what wakes us up
or
what circumstance is going to crash our party and change the course of our lives forever.

i am thankful for all God brought me through because it changed the course of my life that otherwise i wouldn’t have chosen.
it is growing me still today.
it put flesh on the words that i knew in my head

it called me out and i wanted more..so i went.  i followed the best i could.

i know i am on the verge of the next leg of a journey that i have no way to know what is ahead

but this time…i know deeper the One who always walks with me.
i am thankful that i don’t have to use judgement to show others my love for Jesus
all i have to do is ask for eyes to see them and their story.  their pain
and be willing to enter it.

warrior woman

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Jenny Barker - What an honest, lovely, and courageous post. I loved your words…

“i am thankful for all God brought me through because it changed the course of my life that otherwise i wouldn’t have chosen. it is growing me still today.
it put flesh on the words that i knew in my head.”

I can so relate. Beauty from ashes, like the scripture says. And the healing and growth and beauty just continue. Such redemption and life come from telling our stories and from hearing others tell their own. Thanks for sharing…

Blessings on your journey as you continue to live and tell your story!

tara - beautiful story..full of redemption and grace and mercy.

i’m thankful for the twists and turns in my story, too…those are the VERY things that have driven me to His feet.

The ugliest parts of my story are the things that have brought me the closest to his heartbeat.

Deborah Carlson - Tiffini its so true…its good that we cant see what the future holds.
He says “As our days, so shall our strength be”. It’s that learning to lean in the midst of such turmoil, heartache, helplessness that grows us.
Yet the growing pains hurt.
Thank you for your sweet, tender heart and for sharing with us here…your transparency and love draw us closer to the one Who embraces and heals.
xo

All my heart,
Deborah xo

Patty Page - Keep writing, Tiffani! I can’t wait to read more and see what God has for me to learn from YOU!

marlece - Super good, I just listened to a talk about ‘hard grace’ and even in the troubled times He is right there to dish out the grace even though it is still hard. Love to you, your story needs to be told so that others may grow in Him as well.

Crystal in Up North WI - i love this story and the sign at the end…is it yours? i’d love to use it in my ‘brave girl’ book i am doing for myself only…is there a way you would share it? thank you for your consideration!

Melissa - What a beautiful place to start sharing your story, your words were so clear, I could see myself there. Thank you for sharing your heart.

your chance to get an I Am His sign & a few tidbits

I AM HIS - 18" x 36" ( new size )

THIS is what blogging is all about.  for me  COMMUNITY.
when i heard of this sweet little boy and his family from my “lover of all things plaid” friendoh & i love her purple sweater.  swear when your done with it
you will send it my way?… i knew i wanted to GIVE to this sweet sweet little guy.
our shop is closed while i have some surgery & it is undergoing some major renovating currently ( you can click here to be notified when we re-open january 2 )

BUT

nikki & i donated our I Am His sign to help raise money for Miracle for Maverick.  CLICK HERE to go BID!!
if you WIN it you can choose your color by the way K?

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here is a chance..an opportunity to give what i can..to LOVE does–this is something i CAN do to LOVE.

“My friend’s son, Maverick, has gone through 13 operations.
He is four months old.
His family has been told countless times that they will lose him–and countless times, God has kept Maverick alive.

Congenital Heart Disease is the leading cause for infant death in the world.
One in 100 children has it.
Maverick is one of those children.”
{taken from Emily’s blog}

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my new read is LOVE DOES by bob goff?  have you read it?  i was hooked on the first page!!  it is infectiously inspiring..but do you know what i felt after reading a couple of chapters?

i don’t love very well..it challenges me to not let fear draw my boundary lines.  once again it is turning upside down things right side up.

go GO go pick up this book this weekend.  a perfect fall read.  if you don’t want to get out click here to order online

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contrary to my commitment to take weekends off..i am working this one just cause the surgery is less than two weeks away! BUT don’t fret
i am going to see that baby finlee on saturday.  nikki is taking her newborn pictures..like bending her in all sorts of crazy scary ways.  i remember just going to
SEARS and taking a simple picture…boy have things changed.

anywho….you know you will be bombarded with posts when i am laid up in bed right?  so just hold on..it’s coming..enjoy the reprieve

i hope YOU are doing something carefree and audacious this weekend…hugs to all of you.  love love

 

 

 

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tara - We hiked 9 miles yesterday..it was glorious and really hard.
my oldest kept reminding all of us that it was mind over matter. :)
I was doubting that whole mind over matter during that last half mile, but I conquered it. whoooo hoot!

don’t work too hard this weekend.

love does is on my list of reads. can’t believe i haven’t read it yet.

Lemonade Makin' Mama - GIRL I am so behind on YOU. Just knowing what’s going on in your sweet little world. I am praying for your surgery and I know you’re probably anticipating it even now… I’ve been so bogged down in work (a good thing of course but still quite an ordeal) and I’ve been buried. It makes the time fly and suddenly you realize you haven’t seen or talked to anyone in weeks! Hate that part.

One more week.. that’s what I keep telling myself and then I’ll be establishing a routine… sigh. I wonder if that’s even possible.

My comment had nothing to do with your post. I just realized that. I read it though. I really did. LOL See how disjoined I am right now? Goodness!

Aimee - I am re-reading LOVE DOES for a second time. Read it a year ago and was greatly inspired, especially as I was taking my first-ever year off of work to stay home with my babies. The beauty was that with a little more time on my hands I found so many more ways to LOVE others, including my own family, and in the end, loved myself a little more, too. In my world, loving myself means finding a bit more grace for myself and others. I am re-reading it now as part of a small study group that has selected it and it is no less inspiring. I think I can always benefit from a CONSTANT reminder of Bob Goff’s intense kind of love and how it can transform the world. Hope you enjoy it, too.

PS — I am newly reading your blog and it is crazy scary how similar much of your life sounds to my own. I love your generous donation of the I AM HIS sign. I love that quote, too. I hope it raised lots of money for baby Maverick! Thank you for pouring out.

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a daily practice is a must these days…

remember my little mantra?

PRACTICE doesn’t make PERFECT
PRACTICE makes  CHANGE…

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this is the anecdote to the HOW?  it is in the doing.  it is a verb. it requires our energy.

IMG_4664

 

i am doing brene brown’s ecourse if for nothing else than for my own research.  the student in me can’t help but to take all i learn back to the bible to see what i find.
i will share all i learn here on the blog….ha!  in a couple of weeks i will have more time on my hands than i am used to

are any of you taking brene’s ecourse?

i am chomping at the bit to move into this next phase of my life…to be past the next two surgeries…to write more...read more…research more…to open the new business and put all of the business
to rest.  i am on overload with two weeks ticking in my ear as i check off a long to do list before i am down for a few weeks

but instead of running away and delving into numbing myself

i am making a daily practice of split second choices..ok well i still numb myself like with sugar..and technology and procrastinating and well…it is a process right?
you all must know i am not perfect in anyway right?  ok.  just so we are clear.  i am a beautiful mess just like you!!

choosing to see the pain/problem/interruption as gifts–opportunities even

to do thankfulness
to do love
kindness
forgiveness
acceptance
letting go
living within the day
finding routine again

i am grateful that we have a choice.

:::::she’s here:::::

photo (61)

we spent all night at the hospital waiting on miss finlee beth.  she announced herself at 12:38 am and was perfect in every way.
we finally got to see her around 4am…arriving back home at 5:15 am where we all collapsed into bed.  it was a tiring but beautiful weekend
#grateful

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Glenda Childers - I got to hear Brene speak a few weeks ago, and she is delightful. So … I signed up for the course, too. I am already reading the book, but look forward to hearing more from her and the art journal, too. (Which should be interesting, as I do no have your artistic bent.) Let’s compare notes as we go along.

Fondly,
Glenda

ps. I have discovered that I can comment on your blog, if I don’t add my website. Not sure why.

pss. babe is adorable.

tara - YAY! Your sweet niece is here…praise GOD for a new precious little one in the family.

Have I mentioned that I’m volunteering at Athens Pregnancy Ctr.? It has been wonderful to mentor a young mom-to-be. We watched a birth yesterday together…WOW. It’s been a while. :) It’s beautiful but gross, right? :)

I WANT to take that ecourse….I’m sure it would blow me away.
I’m in counseling now…again. :) Dealing with another layer of shame….that crap runs deep.

Anywho, thanking God for you tonight.

Becky - I’m not but it sounds good. Swwwweeeet new life. Oh and love that picture of you.

Ter'e - Ah Tiff,

Finlee is precious………congrats!!!!
BUT………..I have to say how gorgeous you look right now. Honey, you sure are doing something right. You simply GLOW.

10 word women & a beginning to shape the arena

brene brown said this..or pretty close:)

brene-brown

“when we have some influence over the arena we need to become the storytellers that
will SHAPE what the arena will look like”  

we need to be writing our stories on the arena walls girls!!

and i felt it in my bones that i want to begin to write my story on the arena wall
we are called to be SHAPERS!
and i began to understand that i am surrounded by courageous women who have hearts to do the same
i need people like these in my life don’t you?  i crave it

if i were to be honest with my heart right now it would go something like this

i have always been compelled to go deeper into God..into the soul..what makes it all tick
i am not content at superficial.  never have been.  i am not a player.  i don’t know if that has always served me well
but it is honest

the deep calls to me
it won’t let me go no matter how.far.i.run 

i have learned a little something in the 45 years i have been around
something i know now about me that i didn’t know 15 years ago is this

i am strengthened by storytellers
they don’t all have to be just like me..in fact
it is the best when they are not

i used to think my circle had to move breathe and think just.like.me
i was wrong

except for one thing.  the common denominator

they have a heart that longs after God
longs to live a beautiful life in spite of circumstances
always up for the challenge
they get up..even when it is the 110th time
they strive for excellence..vulnerability
and they are learners.  always
 

and here are a few word women..and i am sure you know them..but they have been brought into my life
in all sorts of ways.  i value their hearts.  i hear their hearts and i applaud their tenacity
to share their innermost being with all of us.  here are my first 10 women

 

linsey


jeanne

photo (56)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

becky

sasha

sibi


shannon

tara

ann


shaunna

shaunna west at perfectly imperfect
paige

photo (59)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

layla

The Lettered Cottage Show | The Design Network
ashley

each woman shares her story through her experience of God and her life circumstances
creating a relational foundation
a way we can identify with her.  find a pieces of ourselves. ann voscamp says, ” throwing us a life rope ”

they offer a hand up to those of us journeying a little farther behind and they aren’t prideful
to be able to take hands offered to them from those farther up ahead either
they call back to us..saying
YOU can do it!  your gonna make it..let’s find a way together
let’s find a way to live a beautiful life in the present

let’s talk more about this ” finding a way to create a beautiful life” as we begin to
write our stories on the arena wall and encourage one another as things begin to
take shape!  shall we?  i think we shall!!
 

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hugs HUGS and more hugs to YOU–i will be able to have lots more dialogue with comments after surgery
i can’t wait
until then pray for supernatural strength to get several signs done each day!

 

 

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tara - deep calls to deep.
i’ve never been a player either…always a truth teller.
I am strengthened by stories….

There is nothing more beautiful than seeing our stories unfold HIS grand story.

you’re beautiful, friend. inside and out.

Mindy - So blessed by many of these featured women and by you! There is great strength in telling our stories as well as reading others. Bless you!

Sibi - Beautiful friend,

I had no idea you had shared such a heartfelt post until a reader left me a comment mentioning that she had found me through your blog today.

What an incredible honor to be included in such an amazing group of women.

These are some of my absolute favorite women ever….

I am praying that I get to meet you live and in person soon….The Lord knows…..

Thank you for such rich words. They cut through deep- right to the bone and marrow.

Healing words. I know you know.

You are a gift to the blog world and to me.

I adore you and thank you for such incredible kindness today….

Love you so,

Sibi

LLH Designs - Oh, sweet Tiffini! You have honored me far beyond anything I deserve. Honored to be on your heart today…and to be in such great company. Can you imagine the party we’ll all have in heaven together?!?! All of these incredible women in one place? POWERFUL! God is on the move in your story…big time! And yes, deep calls unto deep. That’s one of my favorite calls from God’s heart. We want MORE, God. More of you! Love and hugs to you, sweet friend! xo, Linsey

paige - tiffini!
what a huge flippin honor!
thank you my friend. you do share your story and your heart. i love that you are an open book. i truly value that.
deep calls to deep

praying for you these next few weeks!!
much love pretty lady
xoxo

Brandee - I watched Brene Brown’s TED talks over the weekend after reading her interview with Oprah in my O magazine. There’s a good reason, isn’t there?, that she’s all the rage right now. I bought Daring Greatly for my Kindle and joined an online discussion group, but I didn’t read the book or participate in the group. oops :-O

Time to get into it, I think.

I like your list. I know Becky, of course, and I’ve read Ann and Shannan. I just watched a Layla video to which Shannan had linked. I think I’m pretty much in the dark a lot of the time. :-O I do feel like I need to get out in the blogosphere a little more (or maybe in different directions?).

Roadside architecture blogs. That’s what I need!

You mention surgery. Hope it went well. Lifting you up, just now.

Robin - Tiffani, I got linked to you by a blog by Jeanne. I love the way God finds a way to link folks together who need to be linked. I in fact have now linked to the women I was not linked to before thru your comments here. I love how blogs do that and it never seems to amaze me when I say to myself “oh, I’m already following her!” I know it’s meant to be. Thanks for your amazing words and book suggestions. I look forward to reading your words and the words of your friends! Blesssings

Cheryl - I have been a follower of yours, but (due to content filtering, I’m sure) I’ve seem to lost touch with your posts over the last year. Just re-stumbled upon your blog this afternoon, and I’m so grateful I did. I’m an arena gal here too, a kindred spirit, an inspiration-junkie, a he{art}ist… I look forward to connecting with the girls above, and I will make sure I don’t lose touch with you again. :)

Sending prayers to you for your surgery and recovery. Look forward to your 2014 contributions. xo