hey you..how was your weekend? was it long and leisurely or filled with errands and late night looking at your electronic device?
ha! mine was more of the second if i’m honest…oh cringe! View full post »
i recently came to a fork on my life-map
the choice i made felt contrary but i proceeded after remembering to feel the fear and do it anyway
risking God’s reputation..
i am so far out here it feels agonizingly scary..i wonder am i making a mistake..did i hear wrong…what if i fail..or make a mistake? or go back to the crazy?
if i open up to trust will i be hurt again? being vulnerable is risky…but without it you can’t love or be loved or LIVE! and i want to LIVE!! don’t you?
but you know what?
i am choosing to do my life afraid..taking risks..again and again..not letting the “what if’s” keep me from trying
but if i’m honest i want risk..i want to risk it all on God to do what only He can! maybe i don’t do that enough..or ever
i am learning when i am having to trust and it isn’t something i can fix in my own strength that it feels crazy and wrong and very uncomfortable
when i try to do it in my own strength i end up retreating with my tail between my legs
bemoaning the fact that it must not be meant for me to live my dreams
what is so beyond exciting for me is that all things are possible with God and the possibility
that all of this devastation is the VERY THING God is using to heal me!
as i map out this trek across my life i am wondering if our dreams are what save us?
that maybe all the heartbreak and all hard places and upside downs are all a part of what crushes us to death only to
to birth us in the crucible of the wilderness–being ground down so fine so that the very essence of us is pressed out
the crucible of the wilderness might be part of the key to our wholeness..our healing
the wilderness crucible is pressing out the very essence of my God given story that will be glory giving and life-saving...into wholeness
it is the very thing that saves us
ALL the hard places of our life would be the birthplace..the incubator of our dreams…wow!!
this gives me hope to move forward and i pray it does you too!
let’s encourage one another to keep risking and see where God leads
what if i take the risks and travel the miles and what i have longed for all of these years comes to life
not only alive but way bigger and better than i ever dreamed possible…and if it fails at least i was brave and tried
and grown-up into a stronger more courageous woman who isn’t afraid to choose faith over fear
maybe i can have both..maybe i don’t have to choose
maybe i can move forward and it will all become clearer on up ahead
i know it has to begin with me..always us first..not them
are you willing to risk it all…to be all in?
to feel the fears that scare you the most–to surrender to them–to let go of control
because you think you know better than Me?
on up ahead and around the bend is working on that deep shard that is staked right in your heart
unforgiveness and vengeance…you know the place to not forget but to let it go..to allow me to re-build in a brand new place .. YOU..on your reclaimed ground
it is going to be one of the hardest things you’ve faced yet
are you ready to let go of that weight you’ve been hauling around in secret?
are you ready to have all that energy you’ve been using to keep that wound raw to spend on
are you ready to step out of the shadows and into your God-giving story that will be GLORY-GIVING
and LIFE-SAVING..into WHOLENESS
maybe it is LOVE that pursues us that mends and heals…
you fight fire with fire
and the people who have fire in their bones are calledto fight the fires of this world
this is a journal entry from this week…more from where i am right now in my story..image from my uber talented friend lissa...xo
similarly, we must use directed effort to control misdirected effort
if your consumed by busyness at the expense of real business, perhaps
i should set a new and different kind of fire
when i burn off the clutter of busyness and leave time to think and study, you may get less done
but the things you do will be far more productive and ultimately more organic to what i’m
passionate about accomplishing
the fringe benefit to burning off the brush is a much clearer view of the terrain ahead
no one can get beyond their sight lines. and when cluttered with obstructions, our vision
will always be impaired!
again…i question..and i wrote
“where do i need to clear a path so that i have room to maneuver toward my ultimate destination?
and then i asked God to show me what needs to be burned off first
later on in my “busy” day ha! while perusing pinterest… ( unnecessary busyness i’m sure;) i ran across this post that the nester
has pinned!!! i immediately clicked in and devoured it .. it made SO much sense!! yes!!
God showed me a breadcrumb!!!
BINGO! answer number uno!! practice reminder !! it begins with head knowledge but i must put it into practice in my everyday life to make change
prACTice doesn’t make perfect…prACTice makes change right? right:)
i am by NO MEANS an expert and i feel so busy..even in my head..i LONG for the days when my first three were little. when being a momma was simpler. no social media. no blogs. no smart phones.
so much more free time. what did we do to ourselves? ugh…anyway
soi am taking this “burning off the clutter” seriously. even in our business
especially in our business!
honestly? this is so super applicable to anyone..in any stage of life in whatever circumstances you in..don’t you think?
that is enough for one day. i will share what i’m learning and practicing as i go so hang in there with me:) love you!!
my daily practice
be on the lookout for unnecessary clutter and how to subdue the ground i live on
and take back my time
here is the definition of antagonist is you need it:)
a person who actively opposes or is hostile to someone or something; an adversary.
“he turned to confront his antagonist”
1. One who opposes and contends against another; an adversary.
2. The principal character in opposition to the protagonist or hero of a narrative or drama.
you ask me how God began speaking into my dream…
for me: it was kinda like this -
the pull of that “something more” that i wanted my whole life..you know the one you have had since you can remember? that one
would come knocking and i would answer and it and i would talk for hours about what were going to do and then another knock would
always come..call it freddy kruger is that helps but it always won
i would bury the something more..the gift God gave me and expose the fear..the freddy kruger fear as i call it
nothing much was happening according to my years of journals .. or so it seemed to me
no real growth…as i saw it at the time ( looking back NOW…so NOT true )
i knew a lot in my head though and it took some hard knocks for me to begin to connect that the head knowledge had to connect to the heart to
i had to practice exposing the gifts and burying the fears in the arena called “real life”.
i had a habit of asking questions to the questions.. is this something i am supposed to do was one of my favorites! ha!
funny thing is deep down i always knew the answer but time after time
these questions would send me retreating into old patterns not because they are easy…but because they were safe and predictable
while very destructive i knew them like the back of my hand.
same old same old…
i shut down and the walls come up and there i knees to chest sit watching and waiting
the first “real” memory i have of God speaking into my dreams began something like this…
He would ask me to step out from behind those walls of protection
and be brave. to “feel” .. key word.. feel the fear and do it anyway
at that time brave and courageous were not fad words running rampant in blogland or in self help books…at least not the ones i was reading
but funny things is
these words didn’t escape me in the bible though. they have run rampant there for 2000+ years
God knows we are made of molecules of dust and with one hot breath we could be blown to smithereens
sitting at that table..on that day..i did feel the fear and in my own way took a few small baby steps and did it anyway
only to be turned down..not once but twice!
defeat and depression soon had their arms around me consoling me. hopelessness was not far behind
don’t you just HATE that tape? it is SO NOT TRUE!! it is a big FAT LIE!!
to feel fear only to be healed?
i am asking if my antagonist is kinda like paul’s thorn? is this what is driving me to choose?
cause if i have been praying for years for healing..and i have…to be made whole..to really LIVE..to be free
then how else could that happen?
think about it! without an antagonist i might be living out of my church mind..stuck in legalism and works and good-enoughs
and judgments–you know the laundry list
even as i type this thanksgiving is dawning deep in my spirit..thank you jesus
you answered my prayer from the last few days!
just from writing this out
i know i am to be thankful..i WANT to be faithful but sometimes i get focused on the antagonist only and i get off the path
all the hard-places
sunday is usually grilling day around here and yesterday was no different only this day grace wanted to watch harry potter
i reluctantly agreed and i am glad i did
at the end when voldemort–harry’s greatest antagonist–was finally dead…harry had FINALLY won
i saw those of us with lives riddled with struggle…the underdogs…uniting…why?
because in some way we too…are all living an the epic harry potter story and we want to win in the end too!!
i do!! don’t you?
even harry…when caught between life and death asked the professor who he trusted professor what do i do???
and the professor disappeared with no response
you see…harry had a choice
and so do we…God always gives choice
and what did harry choose?