do you know someone who has fought his or her whole life?
whether it be a physical disability..their unique circumstances..seems like they always dealt a bad hand?
some of us have stories that we have to fight through our whole lives. there isn’t always a fairytale happy ending in real life.
as women we idolize that in our hearts and fight to make that come true in our own lives don’t we?
i am learning to be grateful for my life story..for all of the hardships, constant stresses, failures. if i choose..they are not hinderances at all but droplets of water to mix with the dust to make the mud to make the bricks to make the steps OUT!
i am choosing to find the gift inside each day..learning to be thankful for the good days and the hard ones
they have hurt hard…don’t get me wrong -
but they are becoming my testimony..deepening my trust..fueling my passions and shaping me into an overcomer!!
because in the end…the gift i am seeing…for me…is that i am learning to feel my own feelings…letting the painful things surface so they
can be acknowledged..owned and healed!
and the most humbling thing?
i am learning to enter into other people’s pain..even when it triggers my own
it isn’t so scary anymore. i don’t think we like to hear people’s painful stories. it makes us uncomfortable. we only want to hear the fairytale ones..but i believe that jesus was drawn to the pain
people need to know they are not alone….hello!!!!
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.
When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.
-2 corinthians 1:4
i want to offer hope minus the judgement
i believe this is key KEY key!!
think on this with me:
it is wise to stay abreast of the latest information that will cause you to be able to grow forwardand not just go forward – bishop t.d. jakes
what if today you began choosing to rise..what would happen to those closest to you?
and if these around you are watching you “growing forward”..rising above your circumstances
what do you think that is going to do for them…if they choose?
after all…i have a choice to let all of the painful things in my life ruin me..or rise me and so do you sweet girl…so do you!!!
In my recovery
I’m a soldier at war
I have broken down walls
In the sound of the sea
In the oceans of me
james arthur – recovery
hello. i am tiffini and i am a relationship addict
Relationship addicts crave unconditional love, but live in constant fear of abandonment if they don’t live up to their own impossible standards.
They want to be free to love, but often trap themselves in a relationship by becoming pregnant or by weaving some other type of emotional spider web.
Drowning in the whirlpool of their own emotions, they turn to a rescuer who cannot swim.
for 16 the relationship took twists and turns that i would never in my wildest dreams would have believed. we won’t get into to much of that during these 30 days.
the focus of the days ahead will just be my time with God during the hard places and what i learned. and in so many ways and on deeper levels..still am learning. it wasn’t until i surrendered and let loose of my grip on control and began to really “feel” my feelings…my fears deeply layered between cycles of abuse that my own recovery began.
it is possible that many of our addictions are attempts to take the hurt out of our hinderances beth moore – daughters of the day
the pain that was inflicted in my childhood left me a desperate teenager seeking someone who would numb my pain.
for as long as i can remember negative words have been my traveling companions and since i am a sponge i absorb everything much deeper than those say…
who let things roll off their backs
in recent years…words have become my modern day manna…my energy bar if you will
fueling my recovery from an addiction
being addicted to a living and breathing person is different from a substance. my “substance” has a heart and breathes. is the father of my children
and as much as i love him i can also hate him and the reasoning that goes back and forth as why stay with someone when it is so unhealthy is maddening!
i invested my whole being into being a mom and a wife…not only that…a “godly” one. it was all fairytale hopes and dreams.
it was unhealthy and unrealistic
and it wasn’t until i hit bottom my eyes being opened to the circular living we were doing insanity being the game we played. it was our “normal” i was eyewitness to the pattern growing up. it was all i knew
it was in counseling that i began seeing my own childhood narrative being played out on the screen of my adult life my children saying the same things that i used to think..but not really say
it was like eating popcorn until i was sick…knowing it made me sick i kept eating anyway until i was left vomiting my guts out..shaking over a
toilet..watching the remains spiral down to save my life i couldn’t figure out why i couldn’t stop
i used hard and the withdraws are debilitating and more often than not .. sent me right back into the cycle i defined myself growing up not so much by what they said but how they lived around me as a child by others opinions of me
and at a certain age…by religion
by what i believed i had to be..to look like..to be loved and accepted
i was intimidated by men..especially men in authority. still kinda am to be honest
i had it all upside down
i lived putting all of my hopes dreams and drive into my children and my husband
in the end only to be majorly disappointed that is doesn’t work that way
these days by His grace and my willingness…God and i have been working on a recovery plan for me
one in which i get to design and define
not based on anyone else’s thinking but based in God’s truth and His love and grace i said ENOUGH to giving my power away to everyone else
to the fear of failing and making a mistake..as if that was my only chance. it isn’t.
i stopped being dismissive and am opening myself up to God
trusting Him with this new life He is laying
letting Him be the One who fills the empty places
this maybe a little bit what these memoirs will be about
daily snapshots of pieces of my recovery and what it “looks” like
the “hows” & “whats” i always wanted to know “how”…how do i do that God?
how do i put that verse into my real life in such heartbreaking circumstances?
i can tell you this: recovery isn’t for the faint hearted. it is for the STRONG! i used to believe i was so weak. i was even told that and i only believed those words because
deep down that is what i believed about myself so when someone told me that it was only logical that i believed it
now i know i am not weak..or stupid
i am a warrior. and i am worth fighting for.
lets begin today to just think about what life would look like if YOU believed you were really worth fighting for. only YOU can change anything
there is HOPE. always hope. i used to believe there wasn’t any hope for me..my marriage..my kids
i have/am slowly learning that God can do things in your life that you wouldn’t believe EVEN IF He told you!
while it may not end up like you thought it would…or the journey takes a different route..YOU can be OK
i have ALWAYS had a dream. God gave it to me and at 46 as i have begun to trust Him with all of me..and all of my mess
as i have been courageous and felt the fear and did it anyway…He is blessing that
i am beginning to see the “me” i always wanted to see…she looks a bit different than i thought she would…ha! she’s missing
her whole large intestine too!!…smile
i am super excited to see where this recovery finds me and my sweet family. i love them so much
but more importantly…God loves them much more than i do!
hey there:) we’ve had some questions on our home..how we have been settling in so i thought i’d take a little time and share some bits and pieces
we recently spent some meaningful time sitting down and purposefully asking ourselves the 5 w’s and h on how we wanted our home to feel.
we moved in and then hit the ground running with work, surgery and well…life. time flew and four months later we were in an empty home!
we moved in with not much furniture so the main living area was bare. we have slowly been acquiring some little things but the big pieces eluded us.
we finally got a couch from ikea and a chair from home goods. no more kiddo’s and me piling on my bed watching tv….boo!
i am so grateful that God led us to this home and that i faced the fear and took the risk and called on it!!
for the first time…at 46…i feel like i am creating a home that is an extension of me..it is fun!!
i am enjoying it immensely. it is a slow process and that is OK! i am content with my life right now..not in the way that i am not anticipating God or seeking Him out..
maybe a better word would be peace. i have peace here. i am learning to receive it and not let the fear of the other shoe dropping swallow me alive and whole.
I work hard at being intentionally present in living my life these days
the sweet little feminine table we scoured for WEEKS for..we found it in our new favorite little shop.
we found this small leathery ..soft ..not really sure what it is but i loved it at first sight. i think i’m kinda a blend of he & she..masculine and feminine
and i like it!!
i added a fun pair of pillowcases for spring/summer..i love the pops of coral and mustard …they make me feel happy HAPPY in my bedroom. i was pleased with their quality. and look at that cute tag and buttons!!
i am painting and distressing a dresser that i will replace the little grey table. still waiting for the perfect little lamp to find me
and maybe one more layering piece for my bed
i am working on a new Grace’s prayer sign for her room. i wrote it for her in a post and nikki turned it into a sign.
we sold hers off the wall one time and i never replaced it…i know…eek!
here is our exodus home pinterest board. i really do use it for ideas and inspiration
what do you use for inspiration? are you a slow and steady decorator or are you a whole room at a time kinda girl? in my dreams i am a whole room
kinda girl but in reality….uh well..not so much…ha! it all good:)
happy friday .. whatever circumstances you are waking up into today know you are LOVED and SEEN! i am hanging in there. pain meds are my friend right now. that is how i get through the day. just keeping it real. my step day and sister in law are such a blessing to me. they are pretty much running things at the shop. i just show up and do the easy stuff. they ROCK!! don’t you just love finding new things. food..tv shows..books..decor..quotes..just SOMETHING new and different..me too! i thought it would fun to share a few of mine..if you share a few of yours? deal?…;) i am sure yours are much more exciting!!
don’t judge. soda. i know. gave it up way over a year ago. since the surgery i have been miserable and honestly..it makes me feel a little better and i justify it because..hey.. it has REAL sugar. sold! and glass bottles bring back memories of my dad would take my sister and i to get sodas. i loved pulling that bottle out of those old machines!
what about these cute crate & barrelplates? we will be using these at our gathering this weekend where we celebrate family. clickhere and you can see the other designs
thank you lissa!one of my new obsessions. this is the kind you save up for and treat yourself. a special occasion. something just for YOU to make you feel pretty or your home to smell pretty. jomalone.com
the girls surprised me with a little picnic in our backyard for mothers day. they had pandora playing french cafe creating a sweet atmosphere for the girls and i to share our hearts and laugh together while enjoying edie’s grilled honey garlic pizza. it really was one of the best mothers day i have ever had.
i dvr them and watch them before i go to bed. what are some of your favorite shows?are you a before bed tv watcher too?
exodus home news
we have been getting a little more settled in our exodus home…we will be sharing hopefully next weekend some of those changes! what is your weekend being filled with?what new things have you been enjoying..would LOVE to hear in the comments below have an awesome weekend… xo
as i wake up…drink my cup of coffee and uncurl myself into abba’s pretense i hear the the muffled whirring of life outside my window tempting me to join while my thoughts struggle to collect themselves and settle down into being present with God
as i am dating my daily journal entry may 7, 2014 there has been a shift on my insides i am not the same..something has happened..i am changing. i can feel it i am trying to put my finger on it i am starting a new beth moore study .. daughters of the day so i’m reading through the lesson and this paragraph STOP girl!! whoa… tidbit about me: i am a highlighter and underliner girl..i write all over my books and my bible this is what beth said this is where we begin. your circumstances are not coincidental in your journey. God’s timing is impeccable.we have before us real words for real crisis, real medical diagnosis, real afflictions, real relationships, realdoubts, real concerns, and real fears.REAL .. a word i fight hard for in days when everything is fake and photoshopped..down to the very food we eat REAL is a word i want to be..you too? i am sure it is more than just this..it is God’s perfect timing..people and places to be in the right time..a surrendered heart..a readiness to be all in i had to take back my life dissect it to get to the core of my beliefs that had me in the rut of life’s road from which i could not get myself out my age old questions has always been searching for someone to pattern my life after i look high and low and under every nook and cranny another question i have always asked is God is HOW do i DO bible verses so that they change me? i have sat in churchs a bazillion times and wept over awesome sermons preached by charismatic preachers and i have also been bored out of my brain wishing it would hurry and be over i’ve said before i have read every self help book known to man i have tons of head knowledge bottom line we must understand HOW to apply God’s word to be changed..for it to make sense and i can’t tell you how many times God and i have talked about this all of this and more is why we need to understand how the change happens since i didn’t have it modeled before me growing up i have been fighting tooth and nail for it t being the avid people watcher that i am…watching for someone to show me how its done he last 15 or so years since i wasn’t in a church that taught it i set out on my own journey to find it aha moment:now i understandthat my resident teacher…the holy spirit .. has been teaching me and i didn’t even realize it until last weekend!! john 14:26 immediately came to mind .. the one where jesus said the Holy Spirit..whom my Father will send in my name, will teach you everything, and remind you of all that i have said to you! if i’d had only known that is what was happening a decade ago….ha! i humbly share my story with all the realness i can i will teach only what God has taught me/teaching me…yes i am still very much a student wise in some ways…a beginner in so many others being open has been a big game changer for me it rides alongside changing the way i think oprah said it this way and i wrote it down in my journal with these three words- i said this is me!the opening myself up into that which awaits me based on everything else that has brought me to this point.-oprah i now have a few weapons under my belt to get me from point A to point B on my treasure map of my story i am persuaded now more than ever that changes really are from the inside out our thinking or what we believe is in the driver’s seat of our life that is where we need to begin our work in our mind this is where i have noticed the biggest changes..they happened inside me first and that has begun changing me on the inside thankfulnesssurrendertrust these three words are like three strands that are interconnected and for me were and are the rope that holds me tight on this exodus road i will share romans 12:2
Place Your Life Before God
12 1-2 So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
isn’t that awesome!!? so much to unravel in my story for it to begin making sense but i am going to plug away at it it is therapeutic for me so lets begin by lifting our hearts and hands high..placing our lives before God as we begin today’s journey thank you again lissa for all the beautiful images….muah! xoxo