Category Archives: My Story

full of FIRE

 

we took the weekend to finish cleaning up & clearing out the old house.  moving the rest of the stuff into the shop.  moving is exhuastingisn’t it?  the chapter is closing and a grand one is beginning.  i’m scared to death and excited all at the same time!

a silly sidenote: I just realized yesterday that our two new addresses both equal 10!

i don’t know the words to tell you how i am feeling these days so i will share two photos that “kinda” capture it.
i started a new pin board titled .me.  it is sort of a “vision board” to help me get to know me…and what that “looks like”.

here is the first one – i am terrified of heights…and to swim in lakes so this kinda captures that stomach in your throat..eyes closed
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Ah the boat house

this is the other one…

THIS one…to me…captures just a little what it feels like when God’s love and grace POURS down on me
like RAIN!
and the funny thing is i am seeing FIRE all around me!  like in my quiet times with God…FIRE words
my friend speaks a song to me…FIRE
my sign is aries…FIRE
and in Hebrews 12:29 this morning… God Himself is FIRE

i don’t understand it…i just see it…pray it…journal it

it burns inside…lissa said it this way, ” i have FIRE in my belly”  i have known fire in my bones for a long time.  i never knew what to DO with it..or really what it was
now don’t get me wrong…i still don’t KNOW what it is or what to DO with it except

LISTEN to it! 

the unexplainable thing is how His love rain fills the empty places and yet…leaves me wanting more
the fire is burning while the rain simultaneously leaves me screaming Your name abba!!

there are so many things going on in my life right now and honestly…some things fall through the cracks.  some balls drop.
i am focusing on my relationship with God and the business and really just LISTENING and GOING where i feel He is leading
i can’t explain it to you…i don’t understand it

the exodus house
a SHOP that happened in 3 days…literally!!  i have GOT to tell you the story!  it is SO God!
i still laugh like sarah must have laughed thinking of it

but i DO know God is moving
He wants us to LISTEN
the promise of the promised land still stands..we can still enter into it but we must BELIEVE and not doubt
there is the letting go…the taking a RISK!

speaking of RISKS!  i am so far out here girls….so FAR
several times a day myself asks myself ” WHAT in the world are you doing?!

but you know what?  the material things can be nice but i am keenly aware that they are GIFTS and meant to be enjoyed
i am still learning to enjoy good gifts from my abba!!
but not worshipped or the means to an end
the BEST thing ever is getting to know God more…and deeper
and taking His hand and going on a GRAND ADVENTURE ..WITH Him

we will go on together girls…i don’t know where we will end up
it could all fall apart in the end…that is what the LIES tell me everyday but the TRUTH is
it could end up to be the most amazing comeback story…EVER!!
God has this one…i believe that!  God is above ALL things…yes yes and yes!!

it’s better than sex!  i know…GASP!  the S word…i’m 45..i’m over that…ha!
just sayin!

my season of life and circumstances maybe different than yours.  my kids are grown for the most part.  i still have grace who is 14 but i don’t have little ones anymore so i have more freedom than i did when i was a mom of young ones

my fingers are cracked and bleeding from work.. stain and paint under my nails everyday
my hair is thrown up into a messy ponytail or bun
mu daily attire is paint clothes
not much time to go out on the town getting all dolled up
my laundry is in piles
boxes are still strewn all over the house waiting for be put away

I USED to believe God just came in and did the rescuing
now i KNOW it takes hard work on my part…PRAYING hard and long…for years sometimes.
at the same time .. when it is GOD’s TIME…things are effortless.  they just HAPPEN!
you see Him everywhere!!  HIS PART…it blows my mind!!

the SHOP is in full force and is fast becoming our second home

the days are FULL
my heart is on FIRE

and i don’t know much or do many things well
but the ONE thing i am hearing and responding too is to let God LIVE FREE within my LIFE
i am deconstructing false constructs (LIES) i have been taught
and rebuilding from the ground up!!

it really hit home when i was asked to fill out a page telling about ME and i couldn’t answer hardly a one of them!

i don’t know WHO i am…no wonder i was whatever to whoever!! 

it is so much more than an exodus house..it is my exodus
i am making a commitment to share more often about that here..everyday or two.  so many many of you have prayed through with me
and supported me with you words and i can’t thank you enough!  i wish we could sit together over coffee and just talk
for hours!  you have asked about a home tour and i promise i will be sharing all of that so very soon.  just taking a little time to get
things in their place!!

we just added our first POSTER to the SHOP!  ( link on the sidebar ) it is printed on a high quality archival paper and is SUPER nice

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so i will leave you with these words for monday
fill in the blank with YOUR name!!

___________ LIVE COURAGEOUS

love LOVE love to each of you today!!!!

**i am having trouble with linking and images…just something weird going on with my computer…so i couldn’t link to lissa, the shop, my .me. pin board or the images…i will work on it:)

 

 

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sometimes miracles & messy go hand in hand

 

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**i am sharing some tidbits below so you know that things are not perfect.  bloggers don’t always share scenes behind their life and they shouldn’t have to.  not everyone is called to do that.  that is not their purpose)

sometimes miracles and messy go hand in hand

new refrigerator broke so for the last week we are using the garage as the refrigerator and the back deck for the freezer
(thankful for below zero temps huh?:)
the dishwasher didn’t work
2 out of the 3 toilets clogged
we had a  snowmaggeddon with sub zero temps
moving and then having the shop at the old house so i had to travel back and forth the best i could in the bad weather
a business that is beginning to thrive
my daughter and the grand babies staying for a week
washer / dryer still at the other place
dealing with daily pain from my last surgery and this whole bag thing…ugh!!
truly is life changing
i have a third and final surgery coming up

and i stand looking in on my life
on one hand i am so miserable each day..physically
but
on the other hand God has stood me back up on my feet in WONDER!

for the first time in my life i have no resources of my own
one of my strengths has always been that i “felt” i could work circles around everyone…i mean i really thought i was superwoman
i ran the whole house…did all of my children’s responsibilities even!  i taught a woman’s sunday school class..all while having a newborn and homeschooling the other children
i seem to be able to see other people’s potential and would use my energy trying to make them have the drive to “be what i saw they could be” even though they didn’t care to be that

crazy right?

well now…the last oh…7-8 years developing a chronic disease that slowly ate up my intestines even while i pushed through all of that for years as if i wasn’t sick…landed me last april with my colon being totally removed and having a bag attached to my abdomen to go to the bathroom in

so lets say this
that that LIE in my right hand that i was believing and trusting in was that i had the strength to do many things without God
didn’t work anymore and that put me in a downward spiral for quite sometime

so when God blindsided me with this house and the news i will be sharing later this week please KNOW there is a BIG BACK STORY to all of THIS –

while i am FULL…i mean FULL of praise right now
and WONDER at all that God is doing…i don’t DARE take it for granted..i am fearful that i would and that would devastate me

mark batterson says it perfectly for me–

having a vision beyond your resources is synonymous with dreaming big
and it may feel like your setting yourself up for failure, but your actually setting
god up for a miracle.
how God performs the miracle is His job
my job is drawing a circle around the God given dream and if i do my part
i might just find myself standing 3 feet in quail

now drawing circles around things is not some magic formula
i remember the first time i knew God spoke to me while i was reading the bible
i wrote the date beside the verse
it was august 12, 1996
i remember was in the “office” of our home on 213
sitting on the floor

it was then that i began to know God has a plan for me
and as the years went by i would jot down the date next to verse i felt God
bring to life for me
at times i thought i “knew” what God was going to do

but most of the time i tried to figure them out..or understand them
which kept me from doing anything about them

friends::  it is in the stepping out and doing..it is in the trusting..it is ACTION..it is RISK
how many ways can one say it before we HEAR IT…by hearing it we DO SOMETHING!

that was 18 years ago!

in God’s timing things can take a long time
which drives our human selves crazy

so please please don’t read my story and compare it to your story
what i can share with you is that those 18 years were bitter years that stole so much of my life
and my children’s
there has been permanent damage done..breaches that may never be mended
our heart are like a piece of fine wood
fine sandpaper can smooth out a rough spot
but take a course grit sandpaper used with force altars the wood.  scaring it.  forever changing its shape

and that is kinda what’s happened to our hearts

wounded people hurt people and when they can’t take responsibility for their actions and work on changing themselves
it then turns to you..to me..to us
we have to take responsibility for our choices and begin a grand adventure for yourself by taking God’s hand
and letting Him lead you out

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sorry this is so long:/ –  this is what i wrote in my journal over the weekend and i believe this mindset is what we need to begin practicing to be a GIRL ON FIRE!!  this shirt was inspired by my friend lissa..love ya girlie:)

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this shirt is in SHOP!  it will be available in other shirt styles soon

but listen…yesterday in my quiet time i read the whole book of hebrews and WOW!  some of it was hard but here is what i
wrote in my journal that encouraged me and i hope encourages you… if you find yourself in a hard place today

let the spirit cup your heart with these words

leave finger painting and move on with the grand work of art ( i loved loved this!!)

move from salvation by self-help
to
trust toward God

there is SO MUCH MORE in God
let’s get on with it

stay on the course with committed faith
abraham stuck it out – kept trusting
God’s promise until he got everything God promised

grab the promised hope with both hands
and NEVER LET GO!

this new plan =covenant I’m making with israel isn’t going to
be written on paper,
isn’t going to be chiseled in stone;
this time i’m writing out the plan IN THEM
where?

IN ME..IN YOU!!

carving it out on the lining of their hearts
i’ll be their God
they’ll be my people

we can LIVE all OUT FOR GOD

stick it out

because we are NOT QUITTERS! who lose out
on no, we’ll stay with it and survive, trusting, ALL the WAY!

shoot adrenaline in your SOULS today

God HIMSELF is FIRE…the God in the burning bush…oh man i LOVE this word picture

that my God…the One who loves me through all my junk..is on FIRE!

so let’s go outside where Jesus is
not trying to be privileged insiders
the inside world is not our home

let our hearts be stirred by sibi’s post the new church lady?

let’s light our hearts on fire by the God of FIRE and burn for Him so others
can see and know God is real..He is personal

He longs to be a part of your story
he can take all the back story and begin to recycle it into something beautifully useful

there has been years of pain to get to this exodus home…and the news i will be sharing in the next few days
i am struggle with feeling guilty about but truly…i am overcoming that with trust.  why?
because God is doing a work…not just this house but He is doing a work in hearts right now
it is His work!  it is about God…not a house.  it is about relationship.  a relationship with God

to show us…HIM
that believing in HIM….letting go of self help…and casting ourselves all over Him
allows Him to do BIG things…He WANTS us to live out our dreams…HE PLANTED those DREAMS inside you
we have gotten waaaay to man made in our faith

it is time to set your world on FIRE and begin
together with God our GRAND WORD of ART

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oh darling shirt is available in the SHOP

because what i am tasting …now…of God
i want MORE of..not the things…HIM

and hebrews tells me…as well as every other book in the bible that there is so much MORE of God
that we will never get full!!  it satisfies like nothing else i have ever tasted
the more i step out in trust the MORE LOVED i feel
the MORE SEEN i feel

i am now choosing to build my life on trust when hard things come understanding that it is these hard things
that are teaching me to be able to run farther and faster

that God has a story to tell

no one else has my story
and
no one else has YOUR story

lets together be the adventurous pioneers of our time so the next generation can look back and say
they never quit!

they endured
they believed God
and let’s by our faith…our running the race and not quitting

set others FREE to to do the same
imagine the landscape of america if this kinda of fire was burning brightly

instead of telling with our mouths what we stand against

let’s start showing by how we LIVE…how BIG GOD is…and let GOD do the work
after all HE is the spirit that moves hearts

not ranting and raving and pointing fingers

one last thought
there is NO END to the parameters of your life when we choose to LIVE BRAVE

i will be sharing this key in the photo above and its meaning later this week..  praying your heart is stirred
to let go of all that is holding you down and look to the ONLY ONE who will lead you out if you will be strong
and courageous and TRUST

xo

 

 

 

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our exodus home…

friday january 31, 2014

i picked up the keys to my exodus home

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the following words were on january 31 daily bible reading.  i couldn’t BELIEVE it!!  what??  this is what it said..i underlined them and wrote them in my journal as circle prayers..

you must remember this day forever each year  you will celebrate it as a special festival to the LORD – exodus 12:14

this night had been reserved by the LORD to bring out His people from the land of egypt =slavery – exodus 112:42

this day will be the anniversary of your exodus – exodus 13:4

i hadn’t got one foot in the inside the promised land and i came face to face with some giants…

and i can’t wait to spill more of my story

i wanted to turn tail and run…

there is nothing to turn up the volumne in your life than to move and have your daughter and husband and the four grand kids come…simultaneously

all while having a winter storm warning

while the snow maybe falling outside..inside we are laughing so hard our sides hurt watching the grand babies dance in the kitchen to katy perry’s new song .. don’t judge (i wink)
and
i am LOVING having my hair “did”

it is CRAY i tell ya!!

i can’t WAIT to tell you what we have planned for the house
oh!  be sure to check out my adventurous partner in her simple new style

my daughter and husband and the four kiddos leave thursday morning so i am closing the computer for the night and snuggling into bed with reed.  it is his turn to sleep with grandma

love you all so much!
xo

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the yes i have been eluding too & how it came when i was stripped naked…

i don’t want to forfeit the miracle
to NOT hear the One Who owns the fire in the burning bush

it is more than a sign business friends
more than a house
it is more than my story
than a growing blog or instagram or pinterest
or any diy project

don’t get me wrong...it is the business that God is using to help on the road out and i am overwhelmed with gratefulness
God-smacked..or shell shocked might be better verbage
but i believe with all my heart God has a bigger purpose…BIGGER plans for all of us in whatever dream we are pursuing
my heartbeat underneath everything God is doing is my love for Him..to KNOW Him more…to grow deeper
as i grow older and to live the rest of my life LOVED by Him and to find greater freedom from my own man-made
ways to fill all the empty places in my life…and i pray that for each of YOU too!!

 

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i have been at the end of my rope…for a very long time

jan silvious once said that letting go is the hardest challenge you face because it requires you to lay down every weapon, hook, rope, cord, or device you have for maintaining control…when you let go you determine to trust that God himself will faithfully handle whatever situation your letting go creates – from foolproofing your life

the YES i have been eluding to is my first ever HOUSE!!  all on my own
and WHY is this such a big deal?  and WHY am i sharing a personal information with you

because it is something that only God could have done.
and because i pray it gives YOU hope i will be sharing the back story to all of this as we go.   i have wrung my heart and hands for years over choices that were made over and over again without my consent with our finances.  long story short – it ruined our/my credit beyond repair to where i can get nothing by credit.  cash it is.  which in some ways i guess can be a good thing.  at 45.. when you’ve never owned a home..your truck is 10 years old and needs repairs…your girl needs braces..you know all that kind of stuff you can’t just go out and do it.  you have to save for it OR go without and anyone who has gone through this knows that it just adds lots more stress to your life.

so for years i agonized over all of THIS…finances are just a slice of the pie of course but it explains the no resources to have a home

however – God has been watching over His word to perform it…you know He does that right?
i am beginning to see this is where He does His best work

i feel so loved by Him…so SEEN
i don’t know that i have experienced Him in this way before
that He is truly is acting as my husband like He promised in isaiah 54: 1-17
the years of verses He gave me that i have recorded in my journal…i see coming true right before my very eyes…

i have no words for it..but face on the ground weeping..thanking Him
i believe the years it has taken to be at this place in time has made it all the more deep
it is encouraging me to go forward
to trust more
to pray through…and not GIVE UP
girls…i am talking 15 years of wilderness that looked much like jeremiah’s description

walking after emptiness they became empty?
and did they not say, “where is the LORD?”
who brought us up out of the land of egypt,
who led us through the wilderness,
through a land of deserts and of pits,
through a land of drought and of deep darkness,
through a land that no one crossed
and where no man dwelt….jeremiah 2

traveled down roads like this much?  

i am seeing rivers being made in the desert
and springs springing up where there weren’t any
He is making an exodus for me and the kids
after 15 soul tiring years God is making
a road out…

i see these years being recycled for our good and God’s glory
and i could just SHOUT it from the rooftops
i wish every blogger could just hit publish on the post that says
God’s POWER is limitless — He is faithful to the wilderness years..to the wrong choices..to the fleeing out of fear
He NEVER leaves us..ever.  NO MATTER WHAT.  He can use all our junk to make something beautiful and USEFUL to
others…ok ok….believe it…share it…it is TRUE!!
oh how hard i pray ALL for His glory
He is teaching me to be thankful
to trust Him
He has been taking baby steps with me
earning my trust

He is showing me that His power really is limitless
that all the bible stories that i know by heart  that He is all of those things for me too…and for YOU!

this is a  God sized dream that scares me half to death–but shouldn’t it?  maybe this means i am on the right road for once?
if it is GOD SIZED shouldn’t it be too BIG?
and being afraid just makes sense if we can’t do it with our own resources right?

oh abba…my God, You are bringing us home to a land you have prepared for me – You have laid out this gift before me
give me the courage to take it

i am now circling all of my life with verses God have given me over the last years…that i have scribbled in my journal
adding new ones as He shows them to me
have you read the circle maker…it is amazing.  you won’t regret it

this new land will have giants in it
but it will also have milk and honey.  provision.  abundance
this is a way i have never been before
a land not yet sown
so i must follow You..keeping my focus on You to know where to go

i must depend on you for resources because i don’t have any of my own
do you know how HARD this is to DO?  oh my…i automatically want to grab anything i can other than God..
so daily this is the battle…taking up courage and following God when i can’t understand or see a.single.thing
and i can do the work you set out for me with my whole heart
YOUR part + my part = covenant

because when you strip a human being naked of every device that he puts his trust in you come face to face with you emptiness..your inability to save yourself …

friends…i was so beyond being able to save myself.  i have been in a static state of trust wondering if EVER there was going to be a breakthrough…

real raw faith is believing when there is no absolute way we can do it ourselves.  we can’t pull out a credit card, secure a loan, our health is failing, we have no family or friends in which to strike a deal, we can’t land that job…whatever…you fill in the blank

we are at the end of our own rope..and everyone else’s rope…
we are naked before God

it is the God of the universe bending down…looking out over all creation for hearts that are ready to risk it all
to step out beyond their resources..way beyond their comfort
to take up the courage to answer their calling
maybe He really does delight in giving good gifts to His people
maybe He really is the knight in shining armor…ready to ride in and sweep us off our feet at the first cry at the end
of that rope?

but stripped of all those things..and left with no resources..is THIS where real adventure begins?  
have i been missing it all these years?

what about YOU?  what do you think about all of this.  i would LOVE to hear your heart?  have we been to man-made in our spirituality and trusting in our own means?  maybe all these hard places are really opportunities to RISK…

..xo

 

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big news…t-shirts are in the shop!

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ok..BIG NEWS!  t-shirts have arrived in the SHOP!  what do you think?

yay!!! we are excited!! this is just the beginning.  we will be adding more in the coming weeks PLUS stay close because some of my blog friends will be sharing their shirts in the coming weeks too–we will have some fun giveaways or something.  FYI –  we have more GOLD designs coming too…yay again!!!

you can find them all in the SHOP

i am excited to share my YES news with YOU! but  the words won’t come out right …  it is to BIG!  only God.  not even humanly possible.  i had no resources to make this happen.  on instagram i shared this picture of how my heart is feeling right now…

source

have a super duper monday!…be adventurous today…take at least one RISK and if you do .. come back and let me know what it was…xo

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