Category Archives: My Story

never enough

waves of adversity have been washing over me.  much of them on the inside.
battling my “inner self” my own worst enemy.

i keep repeating the song “wave after wave”

and i am learning that waves that challenge my woundedness make me isolate.  shut down. turn inside.

wounds that need healing

i used to believe that i couldn’t fine help outside of Jesus.  by that i mean if i read a book, talked to a counselor, heard a song, a speaker

that it wasn’t “truth” and would lead me astray.  that i wasn’t trusting in God enough.

enough has been a defining word for me.

never enough

your not enough and neither are people.
they aren’t worth giving your trust to
you will only fall short of their expectations
and it is painful to give trust and have it broken in a million pieces
it seems easier to be “strong” and alone.  taking care of yourself.

that means your strong right?

i am now learning that God teaches me through so many ways and others stories being a powerful way that i have grown over
the last couple of years.

i am learning that people, including myself, just want to be loved and do the best they can

by finding help in Jesus i mean

spending quiet times reading the bible.  ( which is totally good ) it is something i do to spend time and learn more about the One i love with all of my heart
i did that for so many years
and i have spent the last several years unlearning so many things.  like rules and regulations.  much of that i believe comes from the way i am wired.
i am a natural rule follower because i want to be good.  to be enough.  to be loved under it all really.  i am like the children of israel.  if i follow all of the rules
i am enough.  but we all know that is impossible.  and is so exhausting.  and in the end it isn’t enough.

that is why God sent Jesus.

now Jesus is showing me that yes the power to process my life…for the rest of my life…comes from within.  from Him.  the Holy Spirit
now lives in me.  His blood and breath flow through me and i think that is pretty awesome.  so i have everything i need to unlearn all the protective
lies i have believed and practiced.  i have been signed, sealed and delivered and am now a FREE GIRL!!  i have the rest of my life to for God to LOVE ME
FULLY ALIVE.  to learn who this girl really is and use the gifts that He placed in me

i read once that Jesus didn’t die to make us religious.  He died to make us FREE

to be a process in healing for the rest of our life on earth

Jesus wants to heal me and i am learning that when i spend real time with Him and not try to perform.  when i am open and teachable
He shows me all kinds of beautiful things.  He doesn’t shame me, He speaks words of love and affirmation.  He is my biggest cheerleader.

the real love i seek can ONLY be found in the One who created me.  Who spoke Tiffini into being.  it is His breath that puts flesh on my bones
and breathes life into me so that i can really really live.

and i am learning a whole new mind-set from the one i was fed growing up

the truth is i really don’t know “who” i am.  yet
i am in the process of learning every. single. day

and all the while the waves crash over me
i am more sure than ever of the foundation of love that i have in Jesus

i don’t have a human to write a new love story in my life.can write a “love story” with
but to me this is a gift

it takes COURAGE to be known
as i turn the page of my story daily i can see me seeking to isolate.  to do what feels natural but in reality is only a way i use to protect
myself so i am now able to “see” it
and with the turn of a page i can change that and take risks to be known.

to give my trust little by little to someone

i am reading Donald Miller’s new book Scary Close and i have cried through every chapter.

on page 20 he says this

” Bill said at some point i realized, whether true or not, there was something wrong with me.  
Either i didn’t measure up to the standards of my 
parents, the kids at school made fun of me, or i came to believe i was inferior.  
Shame, he said, caused me to hide.

“and that,” he said, ” is a problem.  
because the more we hide, the harder it is to be known.  
and we have to be known to connect.”

this made me think of the garden when adam and eve hid.  their shame caused them to hide from God when He came looking for them. God wanted to
connect with the ones He loved into existence! to connect?   He knew what they had done but He STILL CAME SEARCHING FOR THEM!
HE LOVED them ferociously as He loves us
their shame in doing their own thing instead of listening to God caused them to run.  to hide.  they didn’t want to be known.

and how does that apply to me?

is is possible that by letting shame control me that i think i am strong but in reality i am hiding and not able to connect to people
and more importantly to God?

::i now believe that to practice LIVING COURAGEOUSLY is what strong is
being strong is picking up the broken pieces and giving the to the Healer.  the One that knows you and only asks
that we are willing to be known by Him.  He promises us true healing.  that He will make a way when there is not one.
that He will never leave us.  EVER.  and what if we began with every turn of life’s page to believe that we are loved.

that everyday we can live loved.  that we don’t have to hide in shame.  that we can begin the process of uncovering who we are
and rebuild a foundation of others just like us that want real intimacy with people and who are doing their work?

what then?  can you imagine that revival that would sweep the country?  the world even?

your not enough and neither are people.
they aren’t worth giving your trust to
you will only fall short of their expectations
and it is painful to give trust and have it broken in a million pieces
it seems easier to be “strong” and alone.  taking care of yourself.  

that means your strong right?

wrong.  this is a lie from the pit of hell and will keep me performing for the rest of my life

so today i am choosing courage.
God and i have been learning about trust
He is teaching me that He is faithful.
He spoke quiet words to me over a year ago on a hard morning when tears blinded the road i was driving on
the words carved themselves into the core of my belief system that day

He said, ” give me room to prove myself faithful to you.”

and i did.  i have.  those words have forever changed my life

you see, i have learned to protect myself by withholding trust until it is earned.  for very good reasons.

but that is also keeping me from building new relationships.

i am all in on the process of becoming healthy and whole

one day at a time



photo credit to my dear texas friend maryjo.  she has been a gift to me and i can’t wait to meet her in person this year!
she text me this picture at 4:30 am this morning of our Live Courageously shirt overlooking the Mount of Olives!
she is in Israel right now.  isn’t that super cool?…xo

**just being obedient to write.  i have not edited any of this.  just writing my thoughts much like my journal…xo


heart art + pretty things

good morning!  how are you? i want to crawl back in my cozy bed that is how i am..

the whir of the furnace is whirring behind me as the house still sleeps.
it is me, and God and coffee

and for some reason my weekend in Seattle and my experience with lissa and the “chickens” comes to mind

and i can see her concern as the night and her signature dinner is not going as she dreamed it would
as it always does

this time was different
she had a “stranger” in her home and like us all wanted to perform well
because isn’t that what we are wired for?  what we want more than anything is to be loved?

and we are most loved when we do something well
not when the chicken is done and the vegetables aren’t cooking
and the husband is past starving
and the crickets are chirping

and all the while i am sitting there watching her heart try and hold it together
trying to “save the chickens”
and realizing this isn’t going to go as planned

and i love her all the more
i love the real lissa
i loved the realness of all that transpired and you know why?

because it is the kind of things that happen in my home too

i cold relate in a thousand ways

who really cares about a carefully curated chicken when i

was building a relationship with another human being that i really really wanted to know more about?

the very thing that she may have felt i wouldn’t love if i knew

was the very thing that drew me to her

oh…and i think we are opening a small retail space very soon
and you are invited
to come and see our heart  art + pretty things
follow along on instagram because that is where i hang out everyday

**this is just me being obedient to sit and write.  i have not edited anything.  the fact that i am sitting and writing anything is a miracle today:) please don’t judge this isn’t rocket science or saving the world…..:)

xo t-



the Pearl Event IV 2015 – save the date

His story is always better…always.

-Sibi  Pearls and Grace


hello sweet friends.  i am a heap of a mess this morning.  sitting here surrounded by my candle.
my journal and bible i can hear the heat purring and the coffee pot dripping as the house begins to wake up.

i wanted to let you all know that there is a place and time when i believe
with all of my heart that God will be present and longs for us to come and sit and hear what He has to say to us.

we have a date with our beloved an audience

i believe it will be an intimate time of healing and freedom

i wanted to share it real quick and then i will share more details soon but if you are able to come we would love for you to join us.

this is about Him
ephesians 2:19-22
we are just the bodies He will use to humbly speak through i have been praying and praying over this for awhile
and we have been praying for each of you

so right now

if you can

could you save the date?  

good…BIG smile!

see you in chatanooga

please click here and here for all of the event details as they go live


xo -t


a list of what i am learning about me

to be made whole and holy
we are the focus of His love

it is in christ we find out who we are and what we are living for

hear the truth
believe the truth
we are sealed by the Holy Spirit.

before we were adopted we let the world tells how we were to live
now we learn to trust Jesus enough to let Him grow us.

we are being created this very moment to join Him in His work that He has gotten ready for us to do

the kingdom of faith is now our home country
i am no longer an outsider.
i BELONG here.

i swallowed my pride. i am learning to love. i also learning to be loved by the perfect Lover.

i am done following rules
i am surrendered to follow Jesus. period.



:::hello saturday

sleeping in past my usual pre-dawn alarm clock had me feeling a bit off this morning.
i made the coffee. a splash of coconut creme creamer. stirred. lit a candle and sat down.

my before one cup brain fog hadn’t lifted so i sat there taking a few gulps
before i knew it one cup was gone and still abba and i sat there
i poured another cup. splash of creamer. stir

bathroom, IG, added some more to my todo list, checked the shop, made a phone call, a text

then focused on the book of ephesians again. i have been reading the entire book “almost” daily
wanting to make it a part of me like breathing in and out

yesterday in my journal i wrote down that it is in Jesus that i find myself!
how do i know that?  it says it as plain as day in Ephesians 1:11-12

the thought didn’t escape me that over these last months i am changing.
I will be 47 this april and i really do feel the clock ticking much faster than it used to
when you have been to nearly dead and back it changes the way you get up in the morning.


:::saturday aha moment

i am practicing..i mean like DOING it.. to stop listening to what the world tells me i am to be
you see, the truth is in ephesians
i am done with letting the fear of growing old and my husband cheating on me hold me hostage

losing the elasticity in my skin, wrinkles, my hair thinning, cellulite, saddlebags and muffin tops
my boobs..well i never had much of that. sorry to tell ya honey i am no victoria secrets model. while i think they are beautiful and honestly i do not look like that in lingerie and maybe you don’t need me to or expect me to
but i feel the pressure

but i am not caring so much these days.

i am wanting to cut my hair off a bit. just a bit.  i have lost so much of the thickness since the surgeries and to be honest
i am afraid i will feel ugly. i have a big nose and a larger head…true statement and i am ok with that
pulling my hair back in a ponytail and tucking it in the elastic makes me feel a little writer”ish”
and some studious looking glasses maybe?

that know the one
when you feel really good about something it is YOU!
means more to me than what you think of my big nose and head with shorter hair

i made a list on the plane back home from Seattle visiting my sister friend lissa
she blesses and inspires me.   she is a gift.
( and these pictures are hers…aren’t they beautiful )

i feel SO blessed to be more aware that i am becoming who He created me to be


:::my saturday list

here is the list of some things i am learning about myself
maybe you can relate to a few

1. i need solitude breaks every several months. just me and God time. to take a break from the frantic life. to contemplate and cast visions. to stop and give time to really dissect all of the noise and get down to mine and God’s.
2. i love comfy and cozy spaces.
3. good smells. they cost more but they are worth saving and splurging on.
4. good coffee. espresso is my new love.
5. even better. chocolate with coffee.
6. coffee dates with sister friends. friends that get you. sharpen, encourage and call you upwards.
7. i am simple. simple clothes. simple hair.
8. i am an adventurer at heart.
9. i am brave.
10. i love really good books and i am making a commitment to read again.
11. i am a savor”er”. i love to savor things that make my heart leap like the way coffee washes over the salt in salted caramels
12. having a thankful mindset has changed everything
13. i love drinking sparkling water out of long stem glasses with a slice of lime
14. i am a foodie. i love to experience food with people i love.
15. i don’t believe it running anymore. what you run from always finds you. big girls..grown women face their giants even when they are afraid
16. i am a grown woman. i don’t need a savior in human form. i have a Savior and His name is Jesus. i can make my own decisions and i really really like that:) it is freeing!

i realized i am done going through the motions. i have been done for awhile now and i can see the difference in my life now.
i am done with saying yes to the fear’s of what if he leaves me. it just keeps you locked up and intimidated and controlled.
or of being who “they” want me to be
i am learning to hear my own voice for the first time in my life and i really really love it
i am learning to love myself.
to really LISTEN to myself.
to love this once broken lost girl who just needed to be loved and taken care of
and searched and chose things that only enabled and drove her to keep driving herself to
fit in…only to be empty at the end of a day.

i don’t say this with anger or animosity but with GREAT JOY and FREEDOM
like i really am twirling in a wide open space..hands high
hugging my abba for His affection and love for me – ready to explore this spacious life
ready to take His hand.

i want to encourage all women…but especially middle aged women to begin to listen to your voice

a few coffee’s in i began to feel JOY..real joy
and just offered up thanksgiving to jesus for just today
one day to move a little slower. to do laundry. to cook a real meal
to write a bit. to know a little more of who i am and getting more and more comfortable in my own skin
to not always feel like i have to apologize for everything i say
to stop saying sorry because someone makes me feel ashamed of myself
to say no to false guilt
that i am forgiven of all of the past
to use my new eyes and ears to see all of the places God is working and JOIN Him!
to really begin living
not living for everyone else and becoming who they think i should be but for
YOU Jesus! for you! it is in YOU that i am becoming
and i really, really like her

and it all began unbeknownst to me when psalm 18: 20-24 came to life within my life

when i let go and let God take control of rewriting my life

so 50…here i come!

and i don’t dare take any of it for granted!

xo -t


Becoming|the unfolding of YOU {FREE STUDY STARTING IN JANUARY}


i have held a dream in my heart since i was a little girl watching my grandpa write on yellow legal notepads.
sneaking into his closet deciphering his handwriting amongst a stack of notepads as almost as big as i was

i have wanted to write.  to tell a story.

this writing hangs over me like a dark cloud.  i still can’t pinpoint what “it is” exactly or what it will look like even


years flew by and i spent well over a decade in the wilderness. a wasteland i now believe created to translate what i knew in my head but
didn’t know “how-to” in my life.
maybe for me to build trust and endurance?
occasionally, i could hear God on the sidelines saying, “all of this is for a purpose”
“I am doing something new that you wouldn’t believe even if i told you”

but the pain was numbing and i couldn’t receive anymore than i could give


i was broken in my mess and i needed to be restored before i could help others

i remember reading

that you cannot teach what you do not know

when i received the email from jeanne ( i love this friend so much )
i ran for the comfort of
i can’t speak
i will feel and look stupid
i won’t make sense
blah blah blah…

you can read her heart behind the study HERE

fears keep us safe but they also keep us from doing what we were born to do

long story short i said yes
and felt terrified ever since
i may chicken out…(wink)
but i know it is a God gift
and if i said no it would be selfish because it doesn’t only depend on me

God promises says to me

Don’t be afraid, for the I will go before you and will be with you; I will not fail nor forsake you.”
Deuteronomy 31:8

i am learning that each step of the journey i am given the choice to step through invisible walls of fears and leave what is comfortable
i feel like i have lived most of my life under water.   i could see light but i was dying a slow death
my obstacles were my deepest fears
my hands were raw and bleeding from trying to hang onto the rope of my life the way i saw it
the fairytale i so desperately tried to create
was dying and i felt i was dying right along with it
maybe i was…

but God had a whole different fairy-tale He was preparing me for

i didn’t know it but God did, that my knight in shining armor was not my husband or any man for that matter
it was a love-story between Him & i

and i can’t wait to share a little piece of my story with you

YOU and i have to live the life we were born to live…

-the sound of music


This January 6, 2015  join 21 women for an 8 week study all about finding your true identity in Christ.

Each week you will hear unfolding stories from the women in this study.

We will be sharing truths about who the Lord says we are and our personal journeys to accepting and living out these truths.

To register for Becoming | The Unfolding of You click HERE


** All of the details are on the page and you are all set for the study to begin on January 6, 2015

Tell your friends!