i don’t want to forfeit the miracle
to NOT hear the One Who owns the fire in the burning bush
it is more than a sign business friends
more than a house
it is more than my story
than a growing blog or instagram or pinterest
or any diy project
don’t get me wrong...it is the business that God is using to help on the road out and i am overwhelmed with gratefulness God-smacked..or shell shocked might be better verbage but i believe with all my heart God has a bigger purpose…BIGGER plans for all of us in whatever dream we are pursuing
my heartbeat underneath everything God is doing is my love for Him..to KNOW Him more…to grow deeper
as i grow older and to live the rest of my life LOVED by Him and to find greater freedom from my own man-made
ways to fill all the empty places in my life…and i pray that for each of YOU too!!
i have been at the end of my rope…for a very long time
jan silvious once said that letting go is the hardest challenge you face because it requires you to lay down every weapon, hook, rope, cord, or device you have for maintaining control…when you let go you determine to trust that God himself will faithfully handle whatever situation your letting go creates – from foolproofing your life
the YES i have been eluding to is my first ever HOUSE!! all on my own and WHY is this such a big deal? and WHY am i sharing a personal information with you
because it is something that only God could have done.
and because i pray it gives YOU hope i will be sharing the back story to all of this as we go. i have wrung my heart and hands for years over choices that were made over and over again without my consent with our finances. long story short – it ruined our/my credit beyond repair to where i can get nothing by credit. cash it is. which in some ways i guess can be a good thing. at 45.. when you’ve never owned a home..your truck is 10 years old and needs repairs…your girl needs braces..you know all that kind of stuff you can’t just go out and do it. you have to save for it OR go without and anyone who has gone through this knows that it just adds lots more stress to your life.
sofor years i agonized over all of THIS…finances are just a slice of the pie of course but it explains the no resources to have a home
however – God has been watching over His word to perform it…you know He does that right?
i am beginning to see this is where He does His best work
i feel so loved by Him…so SEEN
i don’t know that i have experienced Him in this way before
that He is truly is acting as my husband like He promised in isaiah 54: 1-17
the years of verses He gave me that i have recorded in my journal…i see coming true right before my very eyes…
i have no words for it..but face on the ground weeping..thanking Him
i believe the years it has taken to be at this place in time has made it all the more deep
it is encouraging me to go forward
to trust more
to pray through…and not GIVE UP
girls…i am talking 15 years of wilderness that looked much like jeremiah’s description
walking after emptiness they became empty?
and did they not say, “where is the LORD?”
who brought us up out of the land of egypt,
who led us through the wilderness,
through a land of deserts and of pits,
through a land of drought and of deep darkness,
through a land that no one crossed
and where no man dwelt….jeremiah 2
traveled down roads like this much?
i am seeing rivers being made in the desert
and springs springing up where there weren’t any
He is making an exodus for me and the kids
after 15 soul tiring years God is making a road out…
i see these years being recycled for our good and God’s glory
and i could just SHOUT it from the rooftops
i wish every blogger could just hit publish on the post that says
God’s POWER is limitless — He is faithful to the wilderness years..to the wrong choices..to the fleeing out of fear
He NEVER leaves us..ever. NO MATTER WHAT. He can use all our junk to make something beautiful and USEFUL to
others…ok ok….believe it…share it…it is TRUE!!
oh how hard i pray ALL for His glory
He is teaching me to be thankful to trust Him
He has been taking baby steps with me
earning my trust
He is showing me that His power really is limitless
that all the bible stories that i know by heart that He is all of those things for me too…and for YOU!
this is a God sized dream that scares me half to death–but shouldn’t it? maybe this means i am on the right road for once?
if it is GOD SIZED shouldn’t it be too BIG?
and being afraid just makes sense if we can’t do it with our own resources right?
oh abba…my God, You are bringing us home to a land you have prepared for me – You have laid out this gift before me give me the courage to take it
i am now circling all of my life with verses God have given me over the last years…that i have scribbled in my journal adding new ones as He shows them to me
have you read the circle maker…it is amazing. you won’t regret it
this new land will have giants in it
but it will also have milk and honey. provision. abundance this is a way i have never been before
a land not yet sown
so i must follow You..keeping my focus on You to know where to go
i must depend on you for resources because i don’t have any of my own
do you know how HARD this is to DO? oh my…i automatically want to grab anything i can other than God..
so daily this is the battle…taking up courage and following God when i can’t understand or see a.single.thing
and i can do the work you set out for me with my whole heart YOUR part + my part = covenant
because when you strip a human being naked of every device that he puts his trust in you come face to face with you emptiness..your inability to save yourself …
friends…i was so beyond being able to save myself. i have been in a static state of trust wondering if EVER there was going to be a breakthrough…
real raw faith is believing when there is no absolute way we can do it ourselves. we can’t pull out a credit card, secure a loan, our health is failing, we have no family or friends in which to strike a deal, we can’t land that job…whatever…you fill in the blank
we are at the end of our own rope..and everyone else’s rope… we are naked before God
it is the God of the universe bending down…looking out over all creation for hearts that are ready to risk it all
to step out beyond their resources..way beyond their comfort
to take up the courage to answer their calling
maybe He really does delight in giving good gifts to His people
maybe He really is the knight in shining armor…ready to ride in and sweep us off our feet at the first cry at the end
of that rope?
but stripped of all those things..and left with no resources..is THIS where real adventure begins?
have i been missing it all these years?
what about YOU? what do you think about all of this. i would LOVE to hear your heart? have we been to man-made in our spirituality and trusting in our own means? maybe all these hard places are really opportunities to RISK…
my finger runs lovingly over the map of my story. tears wet the page blurring the words. bethel..ai..paran..gilgal..the WILDERNESS
oh the wilderness. the wandering.. doubting there really is hope. despairing that i will ever see LIFE again in the land of the living
i know the promises spoken to me. i wrote them all down. the dates scribbled in my bible. years of words spoken to me
years pass as the caravan marches on loaded down with mixed bags of pain & suffering..vicious lies..cheating & stealing..blaming..hearts raw and rough..dreams shattered and falling apart
i remember events at each dot. each “town”
leaving egypt … moving toward the promised land. years spent trusting and doubting. caving in to my own ways. subjected to others choices. choices that left me stripped and wanting.. raw and angry
passionate and groping for a nameless deliverance that i didn’t even know what was needed
but somehow..somewaygrace gave me a hand up again and i kept going
and here i am at jerico. an impregnable fortress where the enemies reside
but God said the promised land was flowing with milk and honey..but it had enemies too right?
i am looking up at the wall shielding my eyes from the sun
searing pain and a crack..face plants me on the ground..i wince.. my eyes scrunched tight trying to control my breath
and i can hear him breathe..heavy it comes bearing down my neck sending a shiver up my spine. i can smell the putrid
odor of lies worming their way around my soul…trying to find a way in and my anger boils over. the words fall on my wounds
like alcohol…burning and searing
oh God!! rocking back and forth i scrunch my eyes tighter…and over and over i say…help me..help me
i can’t do this..lie lie lie
i have come up against jerico for so many years….it echos in my head and i pull my knees tighter
scared to open my eyes. i can still hear the breath..i can still smell the stench of rotting lies..luring me
enticing me to DOUBT
this is all so sickningly familiar…the tears burning hot down my face
hot anger tears. more angry at myself
warrior woman WHEN are you going to get up and BELIEVE that you are a grown ass woman?!! you are NOT a little girl. you are not helpless anymore. YOU CAN trust ME
a gentle but firm voice said OPEN your eyes!! see Me!
just stop — breathe..open YOUR eyes. you must be able to “see” child
the warmth of your hand abba..i feel it..wallpaper my soul to yours abba..i want to give you all of me. all of my trust
just today..stay in today..i need You. You are God and there is no one else who can save like You. Your glory is what my heart
wrings itself for.
but i don’t understand it abba. i don’t. i wrestle You hard. You and me..i fight it don’t i?
i have this burning fire inside me and i don’t understand it
i squeeze the hand of love offered to me
the gates of hell want to see us fall. to see us bound all up in the wilderness fighting each our own battle of doubts all the while jerico looms before us. waiting. a GIFT already given through the blood of Jesus. maybe we don’t know war like our ancestors. things got to easy and they settled. bodies sitting in lukewarm bathtubs. settling for mediocre. living dead.
i don’t want to choose that. i want to be like the children of isreal that were about to take jerico and pray for the COURAGE to take the city–we cannot keep looking at what our ancestors chose — we MUST choose to believe now! today and pray for the courage to take our JERICO’s. they have a purpose in God’s plan..
I have already given it to You daughter. i have made a way. look back over you story map. right now…LOOK
all of these places have taught you things. things you will need as you enter this new land
YOU are worth it
it is TIME child. we are going to circle the walls
i have already GIVEN it to you….
this is the scary part — YOU have to TRUST Me!
you have to give me the only thing that is valuable to you…YOU
your trust. your SOUL..all those dreams you hold so close
those dreams are from Me. I put them there
you have to TRUST Me with them!!
you have to let go of it
you have to stop asking WHY and trust Me…
i could still smell the stench of DOUBT…the lies…i could still feel the worms
so i reached down and picked up my shield..my hands sweaty as they squeezed tight
” the LORD of all the earth is crossing over ahead of you into the jordan…do not come near it ( the ark of the covenant = the presence of the Lord ) that you may know the way by which you will go, for YOU HAVE NOT PASSED THIS WAY BEFORE…then joshua said to the people, ” consecrate yourself, for tomorrow the LORD will do WONDERS among you.”
DOUBT will not win this time–we are in for a hard battle but we have the ONLY One that we need leading us..xo
hello everyone! well jeanne , i don’t have my tree up either and if i am truthful i am fighting this very thinking with my girl..
who is 14! she wants to put up the tree and decorate her room. there is absolutely nothing wrongwith that in and of itself is there?
but hold on…
our subject is living in the NEXT vs. living in the NOW right? living in the next is the very mindset that the media wants us to have and when they suck our children in they have us right? if i am even more truthful…they are watching us..their parents aren’t they? uh oh..this stings a little
so instead of succumbing here is what i have been practicing
remember my mantra?
prACTice doesn’t make perfect…prACTice makes change
here is a little how it goes…
i say, ” darling, let’s live in today. it isn’t even thanksgiving yet. christmas will come and has a joy all of itself
i want to extract all the sacred moments from today and thanksgiving.
but mom…there may even be a wee bit of eye rolling and pouting involved. but i am sticking to my guns. period
i am sure i act like that when i don’t get to indulge myself.
i honestly believe…the older i get…that
thanksgiving is the real deal. gratitude IS grace and that is what carries me each and everyday.
this has been one of the hardest years in my memory and gratitude and grace oh and a big ol’ heaping spoonful of trust have gotten me through each day.
so miss jeanne oliver, i loved your post..your heart..and YOU! praying you have eyes to see the sacred within each moment..it is most always in the small things…winkxo
and here are a few of my favorite pins the last few days…i pray… you too..are practicing change by sharing & showing those watching you to be present. little eyes are watching.
simple living isn’t a new thing. it isn’t a lost art.
it is becoming a “now” thing because as a society we have bowed down to the god of busyness.
we have made busyness an idol
we wake up voraciously consuming and go to bed voraciously consuming.
we reap what we sow
multitasking is not an art form. it is a numbing toxic armor and is making us sick
we are beginning to see the consequences within our families.
the pendulum is swinging in the other direction
simple living is going to be my “now”thing
i have decided to be a trailblazer..really you ask? YES…really!
while my now missing colon and reconstructive surgery to build a new one
i believe my circumstances are speaking new things, a change in direction maybe?
i liken it to a sifting so i can see what gifts are glimmering just beneath the surface.
i don’t have a choice with my bowel disease but i DO have a choice in to say NO to to the aforementioned lifestyle and blaze a trail for a simple life that works for me.
i wake each day missing somethingand i think i am beginning to see what it is.
i found this poem and i think it hits the nail on the head!
Written While Running
Sometimes I move so fast it hurts. Though the things coming at me are not moving at all.
They are soft and inviting. It’s approaching them as if they will vanish that makes them sharp.
Running into any point makes it a knife. — Mark Nepo from Reduced to Joy
–PEACE–real peace. the kind i wake up with and carry through the day. i am done with being driven .. with false guilt for wanting to slow down and for the tentacles that dig into my soul that i don’t have enough and that nagging need for MORE..for the longing to be as present as i can be within each day.
i have committed to make home cooked meals from scratch as often as i can. period! cutting out as much boxed processed stuff as i can. i am intoxicated with learning to cook again. it is a good thing. so i have to give up some things but it has been worth it so far.
i am going to resurrect the lost art of simple living in my heart my home and my business
His business–God’s business. it is time to do some serious business with God
ok girls..this cracked me up..listen up
I wanted to share an OMG moment! i made — from scratch — a Cream of Chicken souprecipe. i used it in this recipe & everyone loved it!
better than the ucky can glop for sure AND i used CUP 4 CUP so it was GLUTEN FREE. bonus points right?
all the kids loved it and i think i know why–
one ingredient that i added that the recipe’s didn’t call for wasLOVE
LOVE DOES make all the difference cooking for others. LOVE replaces the harried irritation of having to feed the kids..you know?
are YOU ready to be trailblazers together? i am…i will be posting an update on the shop status and the remaining orders PLUS a little scoop on the new store opening in january…xo