Category Archives: heartwork

surgery scheduled & the winner of the fierce sign

honestly?  i have been wearing many hats lately.  running a business..growing it..is lots and lots of hard work
i am learning it is blood sweat and tears on my part and then letting God do His part
which means the down time i do have is usually spent answering etsy convo’s..planning the next days workload and putting something in my mouth to eat…cleaning house .. oh and i do find time to eat Mexican with my mom and girls!!  i love Mexican food!!

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it leaves little time to peruse my favorite blogs and leave comments
answering back comments on my own blog
all of which i miss terribly!!

but you know–it is part of growth.  it is a season.  for me..i know i cannot do everything- we aren’t meant to.
i can only do so many things and do them well so some things have to be set aside for a time.  and i am learning not to feel false guilt
or take on pressure that isn’t mine to take…you know?

and that is ok!

and honestly… i passionately love what i am doing and where i am at right now

i feel like i have been given a second chance in life..i am feeling better and stronger than i have felt in years
it has been a year april 28 since i had major surgery having my colon removed and a colostomy bag.  since then, i had another surgery to create a new pouch that takes the place of my rectum made out of my small intestine ( crazy right ) and then april 21 i will have the last and final surgery where they will hook it up and remove the bag.  while i am beyond grateful for this process, having a bag has been…life-alteringly HARD!!  and while i am super duper excited to not have a bag i am aware there will be some months of healing and adjusting to the new way of doing things.  it will be hard.  but I AM READY:)

i will never be “normal” again.  there will be things i won’t be able to eat.  there are some issues that pop up with jpouch’s and energy levels always seem to be an issue and dehydrating but being on this side of severe ulcerative colitis and having such a poor quality of life i will take this anyday!!

God has been my rock..my strength.  He chose me for my weakness…it has been through these hard places that i am willing to be teachable, by His grace, to be taken deeper into trusting Him

giving Him a real chance to prove Himself to me

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i am trying to learn everything i can from this experience and one thing i have been practicing is LIVING BRAVE!
to STOP DOING WHAT ISN’T WORKING..and figuring out why i keep going back

creating a new future – living day-tight as mark batterson says:)

nikki and i have so many things coming up–i have some fun news that i will share soon too:)

all of this being said
PLEASE know i think of you all often.  i do!  it is the way i am made.  i know those of you who pray with me..and for me and encourage me are part of the reason i am this far in the journey.  i am SO looking forward to the next part of the adventure–and i think it really will be an adventure!!

if i am to tell my story…i have to be at that place to help others get out…so this season of my life is part of that story
it is part of what i am to teach but i have to “live” it first…does that make sense?

ok…now for the winner!

we had 313 comments and random number generator choose 105

Ashley – ashmcferrin on ig –

i asked ONE thing you want to do this summer and Ashley said, ” my kids have been begging to go fishing for the first time…
so this summer i want to go fishing!….have fun Ashley..fishing is one of summers highlights:)…xo

whoo hoo girlie!!  email me at tiffkilgore@live.com with your address and it is boxed and ready to come home:)

xo

 

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now i am a warrior & an instagram giveaway for YOU…

i am dropping the tailgate down…jump up…let’s talk
i’ll share my heart tiffini style…( making no sense..ha!)
then i want to listen to yours…that is what we would do if we were together today..
we’ll start the week off on the deep end and then end it on a lighter note…

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the GIVEAWAY is at the end of the post..i will never know you don’t read a word…xo

i have been working on taking back my life and i am giving it to the One who can put all the pieces together again

i stand before the One who knows all of me
i can hide nothing from Him

pieces of my broken self is dying off so the new me can rise up from the fire

a warrior

i can’t get back the years
i can’t make up for it all by sacrificing myself .. punishing myself

i can’t
i’ve spent so many years trying to make my fairy tale life come true
you know when you grow up without a daddy you seek love from all the wrong places
you can manipulate someone into staying with you so you can create that perfect family with until
one day you wake up in survival mode desperately trying to bail the water out of the lifeboat
but the water is pouring in faster than you can bail it out..there are 5 kids and you
and only 5 life preservers…who is sacrificed today..the water rises even more toxic
i ultimately stayed in a relationship that i thought was giving my kids what i never had but it was a lie..
laying them on the altar and sacrificing them and me while eroding our hearts from the inside out

i can’t change someone else.  i tried
it really comes down to owning my story by changing myself

i am learning that owning the story also means i can write new chapters
i can change the characters
i can create a new plot

i am not powerless
i am not a victim
i am not helpless

all those stories i tell myself about myself are FEARS!!
they are lies that keep me living a life in circles
always going back when i step to far out in to spaciousness and freedom

and you begin to create life preservers..for everyone..but most importantly..yourself

because..ya’ll

i have waited for years for “change”
i have lived years accepting responsibility for stuff that was not mine really believing it was
and this wasn’t the only relationship i do this with
come to find out “taking responsibility for others” is something i do as easily as i breathe”
so i have allowed God room to work in my heart.  to radically change me.  i am a rebel at heart

i always have been i guess
maybe a little david..a little peter
i am learning to submit all of me to Him..to use what is weak
for His glory so that my weakness are saturated in His Power

and in so many ways and on so many levels
what i’m doing “feels” so wrong and i am learning to not live on feelings but in faith
new territory remember?  never been this way before…
but deep in my soul
i believe there are slaves in captivity…in eygpt
that need to be led out of captivity into the promised land

i have decided to be a jesus follower..not a “christian” or a “religious” person
it is time to break the chains
forage a new land
walls are crumbling…His wind words are burning inside hearts
i can feel them blowing all around me as i am taking back my life
in grace and truth

you want to know what i am finding as i am taking back my life?

i was broken and bruised
now
out of the ashes i am burning like a fire

all the pain and the truth
i wear like a battle wound
so ashamed and confused
i am not broken or bruised
now i am a warrior
i have thicker skin

i am a warrior ( you are more than a conqueror )
i am stronger than i’ve ever been ( when i am weak – He is strong = i am God-strong
my honor is made of steel ( i have the armor to put on )
you can’t get in ( because i am surrounded by favor from the one who is fire in the bush )
you can never hurt me (
there is a part of me i can’t get back ( now you are a reborn into a new life )

a little girl grew up to fast
nothing left you can say

cause you were never going to take the blame anyway
it is time to stop waiting ( move forward )
i have seen so many people die in waiting!
they wait their whole life away

leave us alone here in egypt – we’re better off as slaves in egypt than as corpses in the wilderness  exodus 14: 12

going back to what doesn’t work BUT we know it inside and out don’t we?
it is comfortable
it is our safety net..

we take 10 steps in and the ground quakes with approaching giants
a finger pushes hard into our deepest fears
what are we going to do?

we retreat

how hungry are we?

the red sea scene is filled with passion!
God’s people being so afraid!!
but taking God at His word

ought we to do the same?

the above is being a jesus follower…not 60 minutes on sunday
it is living the Word out in everyday real life

it is galations 5:25-25!

Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original

what is engaging 60 minutes a week and then live a life that is no different than the world?
i ask myself these same questions!

the choice can go something like this

are you going to stay sick
or
do you want to be healed and made whole?

abba showed me something last week as i was having a hard morning and i couldn’t put my finger on it.  i left the house for work with a to do list running long in my mind which turned into a heavy weight and hot irritation

and it sends you straight over the edge at one bump

so anyway – i was driving down the road with no radio cause sometimes it it to much noise for my head and i wanted “still”

and here is what i heard

daughter, why are you carrying it?  it is MY WORK
and you are carrying the whole weight of it as if it was YOURS

what? i was momentarily stunned

wouldn’t you know  the first giant i meet is my deepest fear

the bulls eye at the core of my insecurity

BAM!  just like that
so naturally i grab hold of it and start controlling it as if i can…

but God already went before me right?  remember He tells us that
so He put the circle maker and now all in…in my path

not a coincidence btw…

it is helping to connect the dots
i always ask for God to help me understand HOW TO “do” His word
HOW does that look in real life…i so often don’t understand at first

how do i take those pieces of verses and change me…

you too?

so what was i doing?

i started worrying about how i was going to do all of it

there is a whole other part of this story i can’t share of course
suffice it to say
we are in the thick of it and it is coming down to the one question i have feared for years

it is being narrowed down
God and me
though He slay me YET will i praise Him

so i gave it back…and again and again
it is His work
He can handle it
it is way bigger than i could ever dream
so i am circling my jerico
praying for wisdom
trying to bridle my hurt-anger
standing on the promise that

God will fight the battle for me while i am inwardly STILL!!

we can throw the word brave and courage around like candy..much like i’m sorry and i love you

but when the pestle of life relentlessly grounds you round and round…squeezing out all the fear down to the raw meat

it can get bloody real
real quick

what about you?
do you feel like this sometimes too?

are you going to give me a chance to prove myself to you daughter?
love, abba

THIS is my loaded question today..

it’s time to burn the plow
no looking back..no more living there..no more egypt

no more slavery

:::instagram giveaway:::

go to our instagram feed and enter to win our new 24″ x 48″ FIERCE sign!!  instagram post will go live around 6:30 cst..
tell us ONE thing you want to do this summer and the WINNER will be announced in wednesdays post…xoxo

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winner will be announed in wednesday’s post…

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this is worth fighting for & a winner

i needed to be encouraged…and i thought just maybe YOU did too

maybe your THIS is cancer, divorce, rejection, discouragement, depression, loneliness, or something so terrible it shouts but remains unnamed?  whatever is pounding loudly in your mind, your body, your soul, let me…let US be YOUR balcony person today..yes?

let me hug you with my words.  let me wallpaper your soul to mine.  let me encourage you to sing God’s song, and let me remind you that the song in YOU is His idea

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hear me when i say the apostle paul did not lie when he wrote, ” long ago, even before He made the world, God CHOSE .. US! me and you..to be His very own

i’m leaning way, way over your balcony railing; i’m waving my coat above my head, and i’m yelling above the frightening noises of your world, ” i love you!  i believe in you and your abilities!  you can do it!  keep at it!  keep on!!  He’s here beside me..our Abba..and He’s beaming with delight in YOU!  yes, that’s right, He’s here, and He’s not sitting down

YOU are His child, He is your father.  His coat is off too, and we are both in your balcony cheering YOU on together!!
–excerpt from balcony people by joyce heatherley

wasn’t that good?  i want to that kind of  balcony person.  and i need balcony people
i have struggled this week with something and through a song God reminded me that i am standing with an army

that i am not alone
that i just have to look around…and look up
there really are people in my balcony..cheering me on and up
rooting for me

and friend…look around…look up
i’m waving my hoodie for you!!  with tears streaming down my face
i am cheering you on…YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT

…xoxo

THIS is Worth Fighting For T is in the SHOP

when nikki & i saw these words we knew we had to create a tshirt
all of the items in the shop are inspired and pulled from our life

here is part of our mission statement i felt led to write one night
i want to make it into a sign for the shop–God’s shop
it is a joy and a gift to do what we do and we are humbled..truly
at your support of our business but more than that..of our hearts
in the words of ann voscamp
all is grace

2014 mission

::::::::

thank you for sharing your adventures with us
it was awesome to read each one!!

the winner of the circle maker book  is kahra!!  number 21!  email me at tiffkilgore@live.com with your address and i will have it mailed right out to you
ps..i wish i could send you tickets to paris too…don’t quit your daydream…layla @letteredcottage

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keep your proper distance daughter

its monday – is that a good thing?  not sure yet:)

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we got a lot accomplished this weekend like making our menu and shopping for it
laundry…kinda
picked another color to try on our walls
we cleaned a lot
we purchased some things to make a few really awesome projects…hoping so anyway…:)

ate with family…always FUN:)  food…i love food

what did you do?

here is my dilemma today: i am a hard core runner!
i have some peter in me…i will not deny you jesus….i get ya peter…i do!!

not the kind that pounds the pavement however…although pavement has come into play
i am a runner aheader : the runner that when things are moving forward at an alarming rate i go just keep going without stopping to ask for directions
which has been known to find me hurled headlong INTO the pavement..only to come up bruised and bloody…ick!

nowadays — whether i really am wiser or i am just 45…you be the judge
i am more comfortable with acknowledging that while these tendencies can and are be used for awesome things
many time they have gotten me ahead of God

so this morning when i was aroused from my fitful sleep at 3:30 am…i thought i might as well grab a cup of coffee
and have a conversation with my abba

i told you here that i had been steeping in these verses ( yes, instead of running all over in the bible like i can do….this must be a tendency of mine…ha)

so i went to those verses AND read the rest of colossians…which btw i am really identifying with.  i think i might begin to memorize it…anyway

after all of that…writing in my journal things that were impressed on my heart – i turned to joshua and there i read

joshua was up early and on his way from shittim with all the people of israel with him.  he arrived at he jordan and camped before crossing over.  after three days, leaders went through the camp and gave out orders to the people: “when you see the covenant-chest of God, your God, carried by the levitical priests, start moving.  follow it.  make sure you keep a proper distance between you and it, about half a mile–be sure now to keep your distance!-and you’ll clearly see the route to take.  TIFFINI YOU have NEVER been this way before!! — joshua 3:1-4

ok..was that something i need to listen to?  to DO something with…well i think so!!

there is lots of action words here FOLLOW..start MOVING…i have been listening and moving–following when i feel God showing me too…but the reminder here..for me anyways

is to follow far enough behind God to be able to see which way He is showing me to go
REMEMBER - i have NEVER been this way before.  this is all new territory for me and i still feel like this picture!!

isn’t that awesome?  abba knows this about me and He knows i want to grow in this area
learn HOW to bridle this FIRE…does that make sense?  ok…hope so:)

it’s monday..yep and today i am going to practice rest.  not a static thing..i see it as a steady rhythm–moving through my busy day but instead of having my eyes to the grindstone i want to be focused upward and outward…ALERT to where abba is working..where i might need to take the next turn. just a restful moving through a monday..

what about your monday?  do you have a tendency to plunge in and not stop to see where the next step maybe?
what kind of runner are you…wink:)

next we are going to talk about paint colors and projects…and i laugh…cause God always is up to something right?

 

 

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a quick exodus home tour

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it’s Friday!!  what are you all doing this weekend?  something super fun?  or are you cleaning your whole house and running to the grocery store like me?  ha!  yep…that pretty much will sum up my weekend.  I have to be at the SHOP earlier than usual this morning because Comcast is coming to hookup internet.  I am super excited because now I can acsess orders from a computer instead of a phone…ya’ll I am getting old and it is hard to type on such little buttons when it is more than 5 words…just sayin!

I am off to dry my hair…it has been in a towel for over an hour #messyhairdontcare BUT I wanted to share with you all a quick little tour of our home.  this was before all of us showed up on the scene with our stuff!  as some of you know, if you follow my exodus home board on pinterest .  we have been collecting ideas long before I ever knew about this place!

we have a couple of projects getting ready to start….like painting all of the rooms.  you can’t tell it in the pictures but the paint reads a coral pink color.  it isn’t anything we can’t live with but I have 3 color samples up on a wall and we are living with them for a bit to see which one we love!

we love the bon appetite so we are keeping that….NOT!  just kidding…ha!

well – I will wrap it up for today.  when miracles are happening.  when good gifts are given you can bet that the enemy is prowling around and I have been struggling spiritually the last couple of days with anger & bitterness – wouldn’t you know it is the thing I struggle with the most.  the area of the deepest hurt.  right there…the finger pointed and prodding…pushing in on the wound.  the enemy knows that doesn’t he?

but I am circling it all with truth words and I will leave you with one that I have been steeping myself in all week long.  every. single. day

Isaiah 51..you can read all of it if you want to.  I love it in the message version

likewise, I, GOD, will comfort Zion,
comfort ALL her mounds of RUINS.
I’ll TRANSFORM her dead ground into Eden,
her moonscape into the garden of GOD,
a place FILLED with exuberance and laughter,
thankful voices and melodic songs.

for more of the backstory on our exodus home click here and here

have a fabulous weekend….xoxo

 

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