what is it with momma’s not caring for themselves?

when it comes to our children moms would cross 7 continents and cut off limbs to find a cure
we deplete ourselves for our families…usually at our own expense
we wrestle with guilt when we put ourselves first citing there is no time or energy to exercise
to cook well or to find some time just for quieting ourselves to hear
and you know what?  we are usually right
like it is the top sin to take care of ourselves or something…

all i can say is us americans and our anxiety ridden culture

so — for 9 years i have battled a bowel disease.  this is not just what i eat and it bothers my colon.  most people do not know what ulcerative colitis or chrohn’s is. people i meet think it is what i eat or gas…they associate it with ibs.

it’s not

it is a debilitating disease of the colon and for me i have it severely to the point that if i don’t stop and take
care of me…i am going to be missing my colon.  i will end up in the hospital again and my risk for colon cancer is
sky high because i have had this for so long.

i am a food addict.  no i am not overweight but i eat when i am happy sad or anything in between.
i simply live to eat.  i get up thinking about food and i go to bed thinking about food.

this last november when i was in the hospital i had a couple of people tell me about this diet.
my daughters at various times told me about this diet and the deciding factor was jennifer sent me an email
a couple of weeks ago saying…

And I don’t know if this is a “God” thing or not, but He spoke your name right into my heart this morning when I read this little post.  Which is really strange, because it has been quite awhile since I’ve been able to check in with you, but I remembered a few months back you had mentioned something about having digestive troubles, but remembering was very vague…and then when I popped in on your blog this morning, I thought it interesting that you had the same condition that this girl was writing about.  Hmmm…

and it so happened that i had been asking God what to do.  i am busy with my work that i absolutely love and i have so
much going on that i knew if i didn’t stop and take my health seriously i will be headed for trouble

so i ordered a used copy of breaking the vicious cycle from amazon..i like to write in my books so used was good.
there are so many fruitcake ideas out there anymore that i am leery of believing any of them.

i am not a jump on the bandwagon of the next diet fad kind gal.  this diet just kept resurfacing.
my gut told me that it might just be God telling me something
now i am not saying i am going to be cured..honestly i don’t know what to expect.  the book said that within

30 days if you don’t see any improvement this diet will most likely not work for you..me
so i committed to 45 days.  that is when i turn 45.  we will see.

 i read 100 percent commitment and fanatical adherence it scared me!
i am only fanatical about eating …  and i love carbs to pieces..they rock my crazy little world.

no sugar
no coffee…cause i can’t do cream or sugar
honey is the ONLY sweetener allowed…and i HATE honey
no processed foods of ANY kind..no breads

for 7 days i am doing the intro diet..i ordered a yogurt make and it should be here wednesday
that is a very important part of the healing and i made broth yesterday..from chicken legs
and i put it in mason jars because everything is better in mason jars right?

and let’s face it…i cheat
i have been known to go to QT with grace and get long johns and tell her not to tell nikki
and go through sonic and get blasts filled with extra candy and sit in my car and eat it before
coming home

but i know that i know that i am to do this.
this might sound crazy but i feel God telling me to take care of my body..myself like i would one of my children
it is sick and needs care.  not to be pushed harder because eventually it will give out.

kinda weird that i might have to learn to love myself
when i am strong and healthy as i can be both physically and emotionally and yes..spiritually
i am better equipped to care for those around me without it taking from what i don’t have

does that make sense?

so yesterday was my last day…most likely forever of eating just any ol thing i want and here is what i ate

2 fish sandwiches, large french fry and half cut tea
mexican – a chicken chimichanga with cheese sauce, rice, a little beans and chips and salsa
6 orange rolls…while i watched the bible on the history channel..so good!
and then i went out after 9pm and got one more half cut tea and a large fry

here i am…day 1
pray for me

it doesn’t have to be some disease 
it can be all sorts of things that keep you from caring for yourself
it doesn’t have to be a whole new way of eating either…

it can simply be looking in the mirror today and seeing the 
beautiful woman that you are..and smiling at her
instead of telling her all of the things she is not

love you all