it was this yesterday morning in the aloneness of the car ride home from school that He spoke
i was thinking back on a time of in court house when the mediator asked me..would you like to leave now?
maybe i wore it like a nice comfy shirt. i don’t know.
a combination of fear, anger, & extreme sadness had my foot spiraling down threatening to suck the life right
out of me when the sound was so loud in my ears i could barely hear the yes escape from my lips.
if i had wanted i could have reached out and touched the emotions of the room that day.
she gave me permission to leave when i could have just got up and said i am done. i am not doing this.
emotions hurt just like physical ones.
going back to this morning while thinking on this random memory came the word permission
and the dialogue went a little something like this…
it was so simple… “i need permission to leave?” really is asked?
the more i thought of it – it need permission to do lots of things
this is starting to make sense!
i am an adult. i do not need a father or mother to give me permission anymore.
that is a good thing about being an adult isn’t it?
i can eat a whole bag of cookies of i wanted…
when the mediator gave me permission to leave from observing that what was escalating wasn’t going in a
good direction…was a good choice for me i was
I was relieved but why couldn’t i do that for myself first?
i am thankful to have this word today
it shines some more light onto my story. gives me a little something to chew on
i have been thinking a lot about false guilt and real guilt too .. maybe it reading Daring Greatly .. i don’t know
but it is good
i am going to be more aware of permission from now on
and how this might free me even more
i am an adult now. i do not need authority figures to give me permission so that i can be kind to
myself or others. or makes choices that could save me or others.
if i make a mistake and make a wrong choice it shows i am living
that i am engaged. that i am not letting fear keep me against the wall anymore.
do you find you need permission to do certain things?
or talking over things alone in a car?:)
or paralyzed for fear of making a wrong choice? me too…
know YOU are not alone..if nothing else please know that today
say some kind things to yourself today..and i will too:)