it was this yesterday morning in the aloneness of the car ride home from school that He spoke
i was thinking back on a time of in court house when the mediator asked me..would you like to leave now?
maybe i wore it like a nice comfy shirt. i don’t know.
a combination of fear, anger, & extreme sadness had my foot spiraling down threatening to suck the life right
out of me when the sound was so loud in my ears i could barely hear the yes escape from my lips.
if i had wanted i could have reached out and touched the emotions of the room that day.
she gave me permission to leave when i could have just got up and said i am done. i am not doing this.
emotions hurt just like physical ones.
going back to this morning while thinking on this random memory came the word permission
and the dialogue went a little something like this…
it was so simple… “i need permission to leave?” really is asked?
the more i thought of it – it need permission to do lots of things
this is starting to make sense!
i am an adult. i do not need a father or mother to give me permission anymore.
that is a good thing about being an adult isn’t it?
i can eat a whole bag of cookies of i wanted…
when the mediator gave me permission to leave from observing that what was escalating wasn’t going in a
good direction…was a good choice for me i was
I was relieved but why couldn’t i do that for myself first?
i am thankful to have this word today
PERMISSION
it shines some more light onto my story. gives me a little something to chew on
i have been thinking a lot about false guilt and real guilt too .. maybe it reading Daring Greatly .. i don’t know
but it is good
i am going to be more aware of permission from now on
and how this might free me even more
i am an adult now. i do not need authority figures to give me permission so that i can be kind to
myself or others. or makes choices that could save me or others.
if i make a mistake and make a wrong choice it shows i am living
that i am engaged. that i am not letting fear keep me against the wall anymore.
do you find you need permission to do certain things?
or talking over things alone in a car?:)
or paralyzed for fear of making a wrong choice? me too…
know YOU are not alone..if nothing else please know that today
say some kind things to yourself today..and i will too:)
Oh, I love your posts. Every single one!
happy thursday tiff!
i think a lot of times, i ask for ‘permission’ from others, for silly things,things that i should just be able to do by myself, but it’s like i need that ‘reassurance’…..
we are big girls now and we do not need anyone’s ‘permission’ to do anything!
lol…..i hope you have a delightfully fabulous day!
blessings, xoxo
t
Oh,you are becoming adult. Growing into yourself. Amen.
xoxo
good stuff, friend.
Wow. This spoke volumes to me. Thank you! Looking forward to reading more…
a.w.e.s.o.m.e. xxxoooo
I think permission can be associated with acceptance…we want to know what we want is OK with everyone…or one person…or a handful of people. And it’s not good. I do this a lot. A few months ago, all I wanted was to move closer to my family…really I think some of it was because I know they would love it…approval. All it took was a text from my dad that it didn’t matter where we lived, they would come see our Spring Chick wherever we were for me to let it go. I needed that freedom to just trust that we’ll end up where we need to be. We still don’t know where that will be, but I know wherever it is, it will be ok.
Great post Tiff.
Do you not finding it is so much easier to be nicer to others than to yourself? Why do we do this? Is it that we think THEY deserve it and WE do not?
I am so quilty of this.