i believe the biggest underlying culprit is WANTING MORE

we all have a story don’t we?  regardless of how we arrived at this point we find ourselves worn out
starved & over stimulated.  We are captives to the lie that we are unlimited.  I dying for freedom.  I need an intervention.

maybe you come from the old school where if it ain’t broke don’t fix it

or

maybe you are a pioneer..forging ahead sick and tired of being sick and tired and want to
take back the territory that has been so sneakily taken

I am a pioneer at heart.  a visionary if you will but i have never known what to do about it…until lately.

I see how upside down it all is and how much I try to cram in one day
so much so that I need every organizational tool and label out there so as not to forget myself!
I seem to have bought into the age of unlimited .. that there is nothing I can’t do if I work hard enough
or have

Blog world has in so many ways made this all even worse.  The wanting.  The comparing.  We all know that
people’s lives aren’t really that clean and put together all of the time but still…
all the pretty pictures are just morsels that are dangled in front of our naturally greedy little selves
and more often than not…we take a bite..

well -  what if you are a mom who makes 20,000 a year  and you have four kids?  what then?

( i could give you 10 different scenarios of life circumstances here but you get the idea? ) is this dream really
what we should be striving for?  and  at what cost? and does it then begin to erode our self talk so that we are constantly unhappy and
dissatisfied and bottom line… grumpily ungrateful…and we tape on a smile fooling ourselves that we are really “ok”

It comes from inside.  It is not about the money-the home-the kids-the job…it comes from inside and if it stems from there
just maybe changes can truly be made.  It is the woman’s heart behind the home on the blog.  If you took away her blog, her home
her clothes, her nice car etc would you still want to know her?  Her answer would be yes…i am still that same person!
LOVE me for ME…and that is the cry of our hearts isn’t it?

well..there is years of dysfunction where we are opening my story.  In time we are going to open some of that up but for today

I want to touch the tip of the iceberg with our RE – BOOT.
If you have followed us for very long you know I was in the hospital around thanksgiving.
I have severe Ulcerative Colitis and to make a long story short I now am steroid dependent.
I am out of options and have been left staring at surgery to remove my colon ( large intestine )
AND i am not a good candidate for the jpouch surgery ( would take away the bag after a year ) so if
i decide to have the surgery i am pretty much looking at having a poop bag the rest of my life and while I “thought” i was ok with that
…now i am not sure 

I am at a crossroads at a time in life when things “should” be somewhat settled

I have started down this road several times and quit.  The same things keep happening over and over again
with the same results.  You know this is the definition of insanity right?

We know all of this but what can we realistically do about it.  The crazed mom syndrome has us going so many different directions

we eat the leftovers off our kids plates…run through any fast food joint or throw a bag
or box of frozen fake ingredients in the oven and truly I believe most of us are plagued with guilt because we really
do want to go back to June Cleaver and be there fully present for our kids and families cooking real food into
real meals and sitting around the table every night.  We are tired of feeling spread so thin and at one little bobble and the dam breaks and we explode
which leaves us limp with guilt- confused and feeling like failures.

so we escape ( insert your vice here)

 My goal in 2013 is to get a handle on how to get off this merry go round once and for ALL.
To make lasting real changes.  to FLY in the face of our American culture.  I would wager that women..even
very successful ones feel like this.  It crosses all economic boundaries.

I believe its woman thing…and even more so…a christian woman thing

I believe that biggest underlying culprit ( brace yourselves for this ) is WANTING MORE.

we want more so we work more..and that is like a octopus with tentacles each
representing our children, our homes, our cars
our jobs, our social status, our blogs, and how we look you get the picture?

we want more in all of these areas and we are trading our very souls for an illusion of MORE

this has really plagued me for several years now…so i am hoping with this RE-BOOT
and much soul searching before God I can find a healthy balance
for me and my family and our home…i am slightly uneasy about how that may pan out.

I feel led to do this so i hope you don’t mind.  i will be sharing our re-booting journey.

I PRAY pray that my sharing my story will encourage and inspire you to keep going.
Not only to make lasting change..
but to IMPACT YOUR life and those within your influence.

This RE-BOOT is for all you sisters with pioneer hearts.  All you warrior women.
This song sums up my life so i thought it appropriate for the song of the week.  I hope you enjoy:)

Plumb – I Need YOU Now

SO go grab your rugged terrain boots and some pen & paper sisters…we’ve got to chart out our next move.

xotiff

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Christy - Wow! This is an awesome post today, truely hits home. Can’t wait for more

Sarita - How wonderful. You wrote your heart. One thing we HAVE/NEED to do is get off the computer,get off Pinterest,get off Facebook. All that you see/read is not always truthful.
I know tht you will be strong.
God will give you strength and peace.

Hugs

Mary - keep it coming, girl.
love you.
xoxo

Pam - Thanks for sharing your heart with us, Tiffani. May God refresh you as you refresh us by being open and vulnerable and real on your life journey. My husband also has had ulcerative colitis for 10 years but it is under control with meds. Praying for strength and healing for you in Jesus’ name!

Rachel - Tiff, I love your spirit. God bless you. I tried to sign up for the email updates, but I don’t think it worked. Could you please add me to the list? My new email address is meadowlarkprairie@gmail.com

becky @ farmgirl paints - what you just described is called burnout. that striving for something more…working until you just hate it…then the completely not caring…BURNOUT. i feel it. i feel like taking 10 million steps back and disappearing. i wonder if my friends who don’t do any social media feel this way? do they struggle with finding time to make dinner every night? do they feel like they are always behind on some deadline or is just us and these self imposing deadlines and outside pressures we put on ourselves for our “followers”?? not sure but i so get what your saying. i want to reboot right there with ya friend. i want to do what GOD wants me to do period. love your heart. praying big direction for you as you figure out what to do with your health. i think you are so brave!

Holly - Hang in there! We put so much pressure on ourselves, don’t we? Praying that you will find rest in Him, as you process all of these things. Thank you for sharing with us!

Shannon - Oh my, SO true about the Blog world making us want more. I have recently realized that the blogs I read and love are influencing the stylings of my home. Love your blog, down to earth style and for being real. Thank you!!! <3

tara - so proud of you….for taking control of your health and your life and your home…surrendering all that control and all those desires to God…the only one who can handle all of it.

I’m excited that you are sharing your journey with us….honored.

I saw on instagram today that there is apparently a new social media…some kind of video thing….I literally couldn’t believe there is ONE MORE THING for us to give ourselves and our time up for.

I’m breaking a few rules being off Facebook and refusing to join another social media…

I’ve got three kids, a husband, parents, a brother and his family and some tangible friends that I can reach out and touch that will keep me from doing it.

I can’t blog 5 times a week…I don’t care if the Pope is reading. I don’t have time because these people right here in front of me matter TOO much.

I feel so much of what you’re sharing here….praying for all of us…to do what GOD leads us to do….to love the people in our homes and right in front of us….

all of this blog stuff and all the other social medias…they are all fleeting….here today, gone tomorrow.

love you.

Carrie Z - Literally plucked out of my brain but said so much better. Its social media its everything!! My husband and I are at the crossroad.. To sell what we thought was our dream home to a much more manageable home. One that is smaller that doesn’t have all the room for stuff. Your post was perfect timing! Good luck on your re-boot. You inspire me.

Lindsey Whitney - I agree, contentment and wanting is such as struggle for me as well!! I always feel like… if we just had MORE money… but that’s not really the problem. Thanks for the reminder!!

Lindsey @ GrowingKidsMinistry.com

Sarah - I too am at a crossroads. I love looking at blogs (just found your recently) and Pinterest, Facebook, and Instagram, yet at the same time I felt like my life was not good enough. Not perfect enough. My house was to small, I didn’t do enough crafts with my kids, cook meals from scratch every night, nor was I organized enough. I was green with envy. I wanted more. Better.

Over the past few months I have had some health issues and it really put me into perspective. What is important in this life. People I love. Experience. My four amazing kids. They are satisfied with our home, they don’t care if things are labeled, and they are fine if we use broken crayons, glue, and pieces of construction paper for crafts. If we build a fort that is not Instagram worthy they still have a blast. They just want me. The no make up, sweat pants wearin’, goofy me.

No just because I realize this does not mean that I can wipe away all my old thoughts. This will be a process. But I am on a journey. And it feels right. And as much as I do love my family I am doing this for ME. I will work on forgiveness, being positive, loving myself and all my flaws. I will turn off the TV and the computer, let the laundry sit, leave the crumbs on the floor for time to pray, meditate and journal more. I will teach myself to relax. To be in the present moment.

And my hope of becoming a better me is to become a better mom, friend, wife and to truly enjoy the simple things in life. Like I said I just found your blog not that long ago and I honestly have only read a few post but I believe coming on here tonight and reading this is a sign. A sign that I am on the right path. A path you seem to be on as well. Your words were beautiful in this post and I feel strength knowing that others recognize that wanting more and comparing ourselves to others is hurting our souls. I will pray for you on your “re-boot” and truly believe you will find your balance. You are stronger than you give yourself credit. God bless.

p.s. Your blog will stay on my list of reading! :)

terri - blessings, tif! good luck on this re-booting journey….life is so tough sometimes. we put so many pressures upon ourselves. as women, we always are comparing to each other and some times it just can make us cuhrazy…..hang in there! you have so many positives in your life. thank you for sharing an intimate part of your life. you really put things in perspective and i think we are all benefiting from this post! xo

LLH Designs - I love hearing the heart of a woman on a mission! I can’t wait to see what God has for you. He’s given you eyes to see so much. He’s literally opening the eyes of your heart! What is next will be BIG!!!

susan@avintagefarmwife - I hear you, Tiffany! I am relatively new to blogging, but there is no way I can keep up with the “big girls” and I don’t even want to. The only person we need to worry about pleasing is HIM! Boy, it is hard not to fall into the lie that “more” will make us happy. Good luck on your journey!

Shelbe, Texas - Oh this is how my life has panned out. Plumb “I need you” has been my song of choice since the beginning of the year. Divorce, new job, and moving back to my hometown all happened in a six month span. I have recently stepped back and wondered how did I get here. How did my life turn out this way. God has been steady and my deciding vice. I have no one to turn to greater. I wouldn’t have it any other way but at times I just want a glimpse of the future that God sees my family in. I say I want this so that I can have hope but I think I just want to know why I have gone through the hard times. I thank God for you and sister I can say that your rebooting is parallel with ours. So lets hold hands and skip along together to the end of this road. Thanks for giving me the name for my situation. LOL.

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