no more pretend stories, dream stories, blame stories, quitter’s stories or even vicarious stories..
just MY story
I’ve had a fascination with story since I was 9 and when I heard Jesus say to Peter “‘ as for you’”
my heart caught and trembled. I too…was being taught. That is one thing I feel strongly about is always
being teachable..be willing to change AND then teach my children out of my life.
I wonder if story is mysteriously planted at conception? My birth through childhood until now has been the ‘”soil of my story “where characters were introduced and plots and story lines around me played out
it was in this environment-my unique environment that my story began…
I can remember loving to read and write..I have a passion to help people realize they are not stuck..they are not a victim of their circumstances..to comfort..to fight injustice..to help others know that God loves them are just a few but what if these passions I’ve had since I can remember are really…not so much “characters” as gifts..meant to help me write or be the inspiration to create?
To become my story within Your Story? To think I could decorate a house or build and paint signs…I laugh out loud thinking of it.
It seems otherworldly..surely not in my previously written story and I wonder if that is why Sarah laughed?
Because what if I finally dug deep enough into the center of my soul..where holy and human touch and something mysteriously happened that once for all
the veil has been torn away from my eyes and I can see! Do all epic stories originate here I wonder?
All the past .. all the wounding and pain .. it all can be used as a catalyst to bring us to the breaking point of breaking away
And the day came
when the risk to remain tight in a
bud was greater
than the risk it
took to bloom
I am learning ( key word! ) that to begin to write my real story..the story I am meant to live I had to acknowledge my reality. Remember no blame stories, no pretend stories, no quitters stories, no dream stories and no vicarious ones either. I think that pretty much takes care of it doesn’t it?:)…ugh!
I can be a victim for as long as I want…if I wanted. But I don’t – I’ve fought for years trying to figure out what was keeping me stuck.
For years that became my identity but deep down I wasn’t comfortable with that..I knew in my heart there were bigger things..healthier things..if I could just trust and step out into an unknown and say goodbye to the victim identity and embrace
the woman that God knitted together in my mother’s womb and believe all that the Bible tells me of who I am
believe believe believe and when I fall down to get back up again..and I did that only His grace hundreds of times.
I can so shout this from the rooftops
that when I began to trust who I am in Christ..that I am loved past present and
and practice that in my daily life..things began to change. Inside and outside of me.
and what just brings me to my knees time and tie again is God’s love..His faithfulness is that my children
have seen God work miracles..todayi..not just those written in the Bible but in our everyday lives. THAT makes everything worth it that they see
I had to be able to acknowledge the truth about my life to receive grace, strength, joy, patience and so on. God gives grace for truth not lies, blaming, pretending or quitting
does that make sense? I’m rambling….
it was then that the process
of my grace adventure began. It was still some years until I was at the point to be willing to give it all up so as not to remain tight in the bud
Looking back over the landscape from where I’ve..we’ve ( the kids and I ) I can see more clearly some purposes in things. God has honored me.. honored my heart. It hasn’t been the god awful
end of the world letting go that I feared for so many years. Someday I hope to share…I am sure there is a purpose in this time too.
God gave us these stories and you know what we do? We look at everyone else’s don’t we? We
wonder why our story isn’t like theirs and our story just doesn’t matter like theirs does..so therefore I must not be as special. Some of the most amazing gifted and giving people stories are
from hearts that lived horrific brutal stories..the difference is they didn’t let those stories ruin them..they redeemed them.
and that is my heart if for nothing else that my children are able to be free from some of the unhealthy family dysfunction. History tends to repeat itself that is why I believe it is so important that as I learn what is healthy that I teach it to the kids because when you don’t know you can’t do something different.
I pray they see that God is still very much alive and
longs to help..love.. and and give them a new life so that they can make good choices and not have to walk down painful paths like their momma.
This is the home we now live in. If I were able to go buy new furniture .. have contractors come in here and just get all of this remodeling done in a few months I would..you betcha!
I’m not ever going to have that kinds of house..in my reality. And that is ok. ( most days .. wink!)
As long as I am open for the adventure ahead and not missing what God has for me..not missing MY story..that is what matters for eternity
that is something my children can take to eternity too..
so if you take anything away from this post at all..if you get this far:) is
live YOUR story! there is a reason..even though you may not see it..for the why of things in your life right now.
Heck! I am learning to love where I’m planted and trust God has a darn good reason for it and in the past I’ve tried to help Him out
only to end up making a huge mess of things. He really doesn’t need me to be Him…He needs me to trust..boy has that been my word this year!
Stop worrying about Susie, Ann, Joe and Jack’s stories..that is wasted energy that could be used on your story.
Someone needs your story!Father God enlarge the place of our tent .. stretch out the curtains..spare not! Lengthen the cords and strengthen the pegs. Spread us abroad to the right and the left that our children and our descendants will possess the land and resettle desolate cities…amen
thank you for listening to my ranting:)
will you join me in becoming a wee bit more comfortable in our own stories?:)