A RESOLUTION : A formal expression of intention..
after watching Courageous night before last my soul was shaken deep. So deep that I am moved to action. Like so many families today ours does not have a daddy or a husband other than a in the form of a flesh body – to lead us like the movie BUT when I went to bed that night and cried to Abba saying with understanding..this is why I crack and break under the weight..I’m not designed to bear the load of raising a family..standing up to the world
and you know what He said: trust Me. trust My Words.
Isaiah 54:5 says ” For your ( my ) husband is your Maker;
Whose name is the LORD of hosts
Right then and there I took His hand and said YOU & me..He will shoulder the role of Daddy & husband for me and the kids.
At then end of the movie my heart was applauding and my spiritual hands were in the air…saying with him ” I WILL “
DISCLAIMER: I am learning..I am willing but I have NOT the answers to getting out of abusive relationships. On how to make one whole and healthy. I have a LONG way to go and I have come a loooong way. I will tell you it has been a 12 year process up to this point. Years of stripping my heart naked. I sure can listen without judging more than I used to. Life has a way of teaching that if I let it.
I can say this: watching Beverly Hills housewives and Taylor’s story…minus the hitting – hits home hard. This life leaves you without friends, family& money..you loose everything..your sanity..your health..even yourself. Eventually even your kids resent you because you just can’t figure out how to get out and stay out. I SO get it. So many people are UNABLE to understand. Hang in there. Keep breathing. Keep seeking Abba.
Here is one thing I’m going to do. Nail it down on paper so at the end of the year and everyday in between I can go to it. There will be times when I fail and don’t want to get back up and I can read over this.
:: MY RESOLUTION ::
of which I am doubly accountable. Before God and before YOU…my friends. ( some of these I have been practically doing in my everyday life and I have to share that they are helping…a lot! )
::To get healthy – spiritually, physically and emotionally
::To be a Brilliant Woman! see here for this list. I printed it and read it almost everyday. And not only read it…I DO it!
::To be only “needy” for God
::To lead my family to health..to wholeness
::To spiritually lead them with God as my husband and as my Abba
::To say NO more and not “feel” mean
::To be self sufficient by the end of the year
::To no longer allow unhealthy people into my inner circle
::To love God and to love others as my lifestyle
::To follow my dream to be called out by God and then call that out the dreams in my children
::To use the Bible as my compass. To go here often..to use what is shown me
::To be grateful every.single. day for all gifts – big and small in my life and those around me
::To live ” within ” each day..not in tomorrow. Being as present as I can be that day acknowledging that I am growing
::To focus on Abba – not on fear, anxiety, our sick marriage, on what could be & on past mistakes.
this habit makes these things gods in my life
::To forgive..to restore what I’m led to restore and let go of what can’t be. Still learning how this practically looks
like in relationships with narcissists.
::To let go of regimen in my time with God. To freely go where He knows what I need. Letting go of study guides, studies
and such. Needing Bible, Jesus Calling/devo and my journal and a pen. Writing all He is wanting me to know and practice.
::To grant myself grace when I fall, fail, get angry, whatever….and to immediately pull close to God instead of pulling away
showing my trust in His love for me.
::To say outloud throughout the day ” I choose to trust YOU in ………………….. whatever circumstance it is. ” Saying it outloud is helping
me.
There is a great freedom here as He bids me to come where things are most needful.
February’s verse
” Look to the LORD and HIS strength;
Seek His face always.
Psalm 105:4
This is my resolution and is where my life is at right now. Your’s will look totally different.
Just know YOU are never alone
OUR greatest victories are ahead. GOD IS ABLE..I just haven’t trusted Him to be.
much much love to each of you today.
xotiff
**soulography by my Nikki and the beautiful kiddos are my precious gifts..my grand babies:)
Put the garbage behind you and close that door. Lock it if you must. Bolt tha dang thing! Do a visual of distancing yourself from it.
Then, stand up, pull up your big girl britches and KNOW in your heart – you will make it. You have so much going for you and you have a wonderful spirit. When you get stuck, ask a friend for help. If you're stuck tightly……take it to God.
It's amazing how much stronger we are, than what we think we are.
You can do it. You can do it. You can do it.
Always remember, you are NOT alone in this life. NOT EVER!
Look at what you are accomplishing right now. A year ago, would you have thought you would be doing what you are today? Look at the positive path you are on now!!!! You can do it! You can do it! You can do it. WE believe in you. You must believe in yourself.
Awesome post my sweet friend. xoxoxo
yes and amen.
love every bit of it…
praying it for you.
believing it for you.
yes and amen.
praying Jesus meets you as husband…pray you feel him "keeping" you this year.
He will be your healer…your comforter…your provider….your JOY…your deliverance.
What an awesome post! I love your Resolution and the spirit with which you approach your journey – from this point forward. I was so deeply touched and motivated by the same movie, "Courageous". I have the feeling that movie has inspired many. Thank you for sharing such an intimate look at your life.
I love you… so much. I read and just cried. You put words to the ache my heart has felt with the position in my family vacant also… but then the verse… I have that posted in my office. I see it every day, but do I believe it? Is it real to me? Am I acting like its true?? No. I haven't been. I've been stuck in my own self pity for about a week. Thank you. You are beautiful through and through. You inspire me to break the chains of this heartache and stand firm in His love and truth. <3
I can feel that each
day is a test of your
will and your spirit,
but praying that by
the end of this year
you will not have to
THINK about doing
all of these things and
they will come like
breathing air. Stay
positive and focused
and know that you are
very loved!
xx Suzanne
wonderful blog…i am in tears..what a strong woman you are. and you KNOW that HE will never hurt you, or leave you, or make you feel lesser than..
prayers that you will feel God's love every day.
I love that you are LEARNING and WILLING. God honors and desires both of those things. When I studied Exodus last year, I was most impacted by the example of wise men who were still learning and still willing to be teachable. That's the kind of heart I want to have. You're walking on holy ground, sweet friend.
love and hugs,
Linsey
This is so wonderful I am praying for you girl. I never knew your whole story. We all have one, don't we. I had lost you so I came to see where you were. I am re-adding you to my blog reader. Your new business is going to knock their socks of. I wish I could come!!
Hi there, I just want to say thank you so much, you encouraged me, and I love-love-love the above.