Monthly Archives: February 2012

what I’m doing with comparing

The March move in is DONE and I am wasted and a bundle of emotions gratefulness-excitement-fear all rolled into one how can you keep

comparison from doing you in .. in this environment of created beauty?:)

( I bought one of these to make into a headboard!  It is from my friend Brenda:)

I wish I could personally take you into Restoration Emporium and show you around each partners spaces.  You would be blown away.  The talent and hearts of these friends is extraordinary and I am humbled grateful to be a part of it.

If I’m not careful I could get myself all tied up in doubt, fear, jealousy and go down a wrong path and head right back to the squelched unfulfilled life I had before..shut off from life and people.

Jesus Calling and I are best friends right now.  Why you ask?  Good question friend:)  It puts relationship with Jesus in a very practical way that deals with our humanness.  I understand it so much so that I can DO it..practice it.

and this morning was no exception…

::::::::::::

Stop judging and evaluation yourself, for this is not your role.

Above all, stop comparing yourself with other people…..I lead each of My children along a path that is uniquely…what is that word? uniquely tailor-made for him or her…Jesus Calling

Jumping up and down inside I was!  This is one thing I’ve been learning.  I want to keep going down the path He has for me.  It is the best path.  I’ve noticed that when I’ve done that in the past there are always potholes of some sort that I swear just want to kick me off..keeping me from my calling.C

Comparing is one of those enemies.

So when comparison comes sneaking around my backdoor I just remind him that I have my own path.

A path that was so intricately hand crafted..purposed just for me and God knows all the ins and outs so I can just sit back and be grateful for the women He has placed around me that challenge me to be a better person..thankful for the gift of creating that He has placed in each of us..unique to each one.

( I’ve been eating really really yuck..I know I know )

And gosh darn girls..don’t let anything take you off the road of fulfilling your God dreams.  If you are off that path right now..find a way to get back up there.  Ask for prayer and help from someone you trust.  Challenge your courage and ask God if there is something your missing?  Keep your eyes open today and tomorrow for gifts that He wants to show you.  In our busy ( in MY busy ) we don’t slow down enough to SEE.

Going to go visit some blog friends until I pick up Grace then back at it again.  The sale is this Friday, Saturday and Sunday!  Yippee!!;)

Giving you a big ol hug…

xotiff

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March madness really is driving me mad

It is move in weekend for March’s sale…already!!  Where has the time gone?  I had to take a hard stop and LISTEN so He can communicate love to me today and take a break from working i truly am going crazy..for reals and thought I’d say Happy Friday to each of you.

Know you are on my heart often…

I hope you have a few hard stops this weekend too:)  I love and value each of you and your comments and the ones who just may read and not comment…I love you too:)

Nikki & I are working away all weekend.  Tying up all the loose ends on signs and furniture and sewing and moving it all in at RE:

I will be more diligent in sharing it with you this next week.

I babysat these two crazy girlies on Wednesday while their momma and daddy went to find out what the baby is and it is

A GIRL!! 

Number four will be a girl..I just don’t “feel” like a grandma yet..still more of a momma:)

Well – I gotta get back to work.  Have a weekend of lovely will you…

xotiff

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understanding why dreams can hurt and I am an addict

to pinpoint when we turn to “something” to ease the pain and help us deal might just not be possible.

I believe it happens in childhood and the more unstable tumultuous it is the quicker and deeper the roots of a broken heart dig deep into whatever that vice is and it becomes a hard habit and then sneaks away unnoticed leaving me with an imperceptible shadow.

I am a relationship addict.  While there is no relationship anonymous that I am aware of or a rehab to go check oneself into I can stand up and say before you that I am one.  It isn’t really much different than a drug addict, alcoholic, gluttony, lying, cheating, stealing, over eating, shopping, gambling, having to be perfect, and the list can go on infinitly can’t it?

I have used another person as a god in my life.  In doing this it has led to a lifetime of wrong choices and the subsequent consequences that have far reaching generational effects.

After 12 years of wallowing crying out going my own way counseling and living in insanity ( doing the same thing over again expecting different results )

God really intervened.

When I pretty much reconciled that this was going to be my life.  My fight was gone..for good or so I thought.

but what I think I know now in hindsight is there was a predestined time when God allowed the stars to align and blind sided me and left me a little beat up and stranded on the side of the road..carrying a rugged old suitcase..sweat mixed with dirt tear streaks but I’m walking..putting one foot in front of the other.  My “go to” sources just weren’t cutting it anymore.  Not even my religious ones.

My ABOUT ME has changed a little.  That is what Happens when I let God and took my hands off.  My husband and I separated for the fourth time September 2011.  I went to a rental home and he moved into his mom’s and then God stepped in and offered a job that took him on the road and away for a couple of months at a time…TIME being the key word.  Taking away his VICE that he used that he ran to when he couldn’t deal in reality.

So only a couple of months into us separating the landscape changed dramatically.  For the first time we have real insurance, real paychecks and paying bills more on time.

BUT – this has left me alone carrying the weight of “life” and all it entails…things that were not mine..to deal with.

I know where the money is coming from which let me tell you…takes a big weight off.  We have years of repairs to make..to mend.  Reality tells me that some things can never be fixed.  Somethings you just can’t take back.  Some people will never choose to change.  Some things are NOT fair.  Pain hurts, Life hurts and LOVE hurts.  Trusts really hurts…. betrayal can cut deep into the grain of a heart leaving it forever altered…but I am STILL choosing to open myself up to change.  TO my ABBA that just continues to pursue me..and truth be told…even when I say NO…I really want Him to find me.  Why?

Because NOW…these last months He is showing me TRUST HIS way…

He is showing me that GRACE is FREE…it is not just in the showing me it is in the hearing with the soul..with MY soul..really hearing..that God loves me just the way I am with all my anxieties, defeats, frustrations, and problems! ( from Wesley Nelson’s heart and I know his heart now:)

I don’t have to earn anything or prove my worth in anyway.  These are words we all say so easy but they aren’t easy words AT ALL!

He is showing me that while I don’t like the way circumstances are right now that I can trust Him..that I understand why they are the way they are. If I want to be made more and more whole and have a hope at my marriage being healed then I will trust Him.  He really does know best for me.  He does.  I believe that with all of my heart.  I just don’t like it and I sob deep sobs when he leaves.  There is that ache that throbs in my heart.

He is teaching me that dreams coming true hurt and they are HARD…sometimes on the edge hard where you just could easily step over and free fall.  It is a constant choosing to trust GOD a thousand times a day…to not slip into despair.

but I won’t..why?  because I’m a King’s daughter and I know it now.  I’m still little and have much growing and learning to do but I am a warrior woman with a warrior’s heart.  A heart that just won’t let me go…not a little girl who needs rescuing.  After all – my childhood was a gift.  Without it I wouldn’t be who I am becoming today and for that I am eternally grateful.

( do you take pictures of yourself on your phone?  I normally do not but I was waiting for Grace at school yesterday and I was trying to take a decent one to send and I swear I tried 15 times and deleted everyone of them…finally I sent this one – the quick hair do one:)

I still pray that through all of these circumstances that Jesus you would workI am believing You to work a miracle in our lives.  I want to badly for my children to see YOU…. you are God in this world that we give lip service to you but our hearts are far from YOU.  You are still alive… I have nothing to offer you today Abba.. but my love and trust.  I open all I am to You and give you all my weakness….I honor You by trusting You today confessing my heart has been far from you at times while my lips moved with all the right words.

Hang on to those dreams…after all..we can still choose the road to whole and that can make all the difference in the world!

It just might be that next day where the intervention comes…

xotiff

I apologize..I didn’t proof this to much.  I don’t like re reading my heart and the four pictures are from my Pinterest boards:)

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you will see me no more

in your blog reader beginning in March.

Which maybe a good thing.  You may not care.  I don’t know..just kidding ya’ll

but just in case

you still want to know about this crazy girl named Tiffini

beach time..

( this is REALLY want I want to be doing as I type this ..and I mean BAD! )

you have several options

and they are

::1::  Follow me in Linky Followers ( located on my sidebar – to the right there:)

::2::  RSS feed

::3:: or get me straight to your email by typing your email up in the right hand corner

::4:: and don’t forget to go to The House of Belonging’s Facebook Page and LIKE me to be the first to know about items added to the shop and each month’s upcoming sale.

I am in the process of transferring all of the blogs I follow over to Linky Followers.  I TRULY am liking it much better than Google Followers.

Sometimes change is good:) it is the learning it that is yuck

now off to paint and sew..gearing up for the March sale..already!  Can’t wait to show you what we’ve been working on…if I survive!

Now go enjoy your Monday evening..love ya!

xotiff

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for this child I prayed

checking my temperature each morning

charting it

and praying

this pretty much sums up the beginning of each morning as we were trying to conceive our 5th child.

after 4 kids I was DONE with a capital D.  I had hard pregnancies…sicker than a dog the first 17 weeks.  Dakota was 4.  Perfect.  I had more ‘me’ time

then out of the blue

our good friend and youth pastor at the time said one evening, ” You should have another baby “…what?  In my head I am thinking..are you crazy?  Four kids…three of which were self - sufficient!  I had absolutely NO heart to do it a fifth time.

BUT when Jedidiah said something I knew I should ask God..so I did.  I knew if this was something God wanted us to do I better go to the only One who changes hearts and pray for Him to change my heart and give me grace to do it a fifth time and I prayed this prayer.  I BELIEVED this prayer..over 12 years ago.  And not only did I pray believing this prayer I prayed for a GIRL.

and He so graciously answered.  And she has been the JOY of our lives ever since.  She was an easy baby or maybe it was because I was a seasoned momma:)

We created this sign in remembrance of that time in my life when God answered our prayers for a baby girl.  We painted it in a neutral color combo of gray & yellow…perfect for a nursery or you may customize it in any color you would like.  I am hoping this can encourage another momma somewhere:)

Such a sweet memory to look back on and know this child was literally prayed into existence…did you pray for any of your babies before they were conceived?  If so – I would LOVE to hear your story:)

Praying a Sunday of peace and joy~

xotiff

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