Monthly Archives: August 2011

Day 66 of 72 : what to do when fear bullies you

 

while the day is winding down..and so am I.  Down I mean.  So down that my physical body is done for the day.  I’ve not felt well.  I think the things that I know I can’t control and by God’s grace I haven’t really tried.  But I know all of the shoes that could drop at anytime and I am allowing them to overwhelm me a bit.

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I’m letting the worry of whether or not we get this house creep in.  This house that seems so perfect.  This is the fourth time I’ve tried.  I have prayed that I don’t want to go anywhere where His presence doesn’t come with us.  I mean it…really I do but I am battling fear right now.  Fear is a bully.   I am trying to start a business to have income for us, getting ready to pack for the third time, getting ready to move in the next two weeks whether to this house or a motel. The last thing I need is to get sick.  

So what am I going to do?

I took a nap.  Just let my body have its way.  I just stopped all I was doing.  I ate Chinese…not sure about that yet:)… and I thought about

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New Day Foster Home and all the children there..Karen and Hannah

Prayed about Kim..

Thought about Gabi and her battle with cancer..

I opened my computer and checked my email and a sweet sweet friend sent me an email that made me cry tears of knowing I’m not alone.  Thank you just seems so inadequate..

I just began thanking God for all of the blessings He has given me … just today.  And there are alot of them!  I thanked Him that He is fighting for me even while I type.  He knows all secretsHe sees me.

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It hasn’t taken away my feeling way to exhausted but it has lifted my spirits.  Enough that I wanted to write it out.  To just get up off the couch.  My house is a wreck and I have a million things to do this weekend but in light of all that – I am stubbornly going to choose to claim victory!  The war is won.  If not this than another way but He is making a way for me and I am still choosing to write a new story.

 

what things are you being intentional about lately?
 

Praying a day of gratitude over each of you today.  Love you all…

 Take one step at a time, every step under Divine warrant and direction. Ever plan for yourself in simple dependence on God. It is nothing less than self-idolatry to conceive that we can carry on even the ordinary matters of the day without his counsel. He loves to be consulted. – Charles Bridge
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Day 61-65 of 72 : how I’m writing my radical story

 

after reading Donald Miller’s book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years I can’t stop asking myself this question

what if I spend the rest of my life writing my story with my life?

not with ink but with choices.  Intentional choices.  Here I said I was going back.  I didn’t have a clue what that really meant.  I’m going back but for what?

My story!!

The character in my current story is not the character I am.  I know that deep down in my soul now.  It is all coming together at a million miles an hour.  So much so that my brain just might explode. Maybe Donald Miller is right.  I don’t have to be in that story anymore.  I had given up on my story and by the grace of our Father He just wouldn’t let me. OK – so it only took at least 10 years.

The funny thing is when our lives aren’t going the way we would like or dream, we make choices that are not good..often rebellious.  But what if we didn’t change our stories in rebellion but instead in repentance?  Turning from unhealthy to healthy?

And what if this character didn’t trust in God substitutes like sex, drugs, material things, other people, careers, strengths or weaknesses…maybe Dr. Pepper;) jk..

but instead placed my trust in the living God?  That is so profound let me say it again...trust in the living God!  ( don’t know about you but that is enough to sit on for days and chew ) This might be called radical storytelling!  Have you read the Old Testament lately?  I have been seeing so much about how God turns to those who turn to Him.  The exploits He loves to do for those who seek Him.  I’m starting to see my wounding from a different perspective and find myself thanking Him for it because I believe it is the very wounds that are going to make me into the character in the story that I am finding myself choosing lately.

I am seeing that things are not going to be perfect..not now.  That is for heaven.

I will leave myself with this thought for today:

 

I do not need anyone else to make me ok.  I really don’t.  That is an idol that I have written in my stories for many years.  I have chosen to intentionally believe and live each day in the truth that God is the only One that I need to be ok.  It is the way He created us to function.  I am willing to live like a radical and trust Him on this.  When I live this way I am healthy in this area.  Make any sense at all?:)  I am going to stick with this theme for a bit only because I am fleshing all of this out in everyday life.  I promise I will get into more detail very soon.

I would be ever so grateful for prayer:  I am waiting to hear on yet another house..I am working and praying for inspiration over an Etsy shop..we are packing the house up to be out around the first of September..we are separating and going to separate houses at the end of the month..or me to a homeless shelter…lol! if this house is not a go.  Lots of major life changes happening but I am choosing daily to walk in simple trust no matter how crazy my feelings are going.  I am trusting that He is fighting for me.  A big ol hug to Lins for reminding me…

I want to hug each of you…so hear is a big hug from me for all your support, emails and prayers.  The Lord willing I will be able to post soon about A Crushed Sparrow: believing in your wings very soon and share what I have been creating.

xo~

 

 

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Day 59 of 72 : what to do with your weaknesses

 

Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I’m weak, then I am strong

2 Corinthians 12:10

I choose to thank You for my weaknesses, my infirmities, my inadequacies ( physical, emotional, relational, mental ) … for the ways I fall short of what people view as ideal…for my feelings of helplessness and inferiority, and even my pain and distresses. What a comfort it is to know that You in your infinite wisdom You have allowed these in my life so that they may contribute to your high purposes for me…many times my weaknesses cut through my pride and help me to walk humbly with You..{31 Days of Praise}

we can choose to thank Him for our weaknesses.


what weaknesses can you thank Him for today?

 

xo~

 

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Day 53 – 58 of 72 : she’s home & thankful for trials

Consider it all joy when you encounter various trials why? because  the testing of your faith produces endurance…and I search for words for what God is doing and they all fall short.  He is the author and finisher of our faith…I must confess I like to put my hands on it and finish it for Him and that I do…finish it.  But have you ever sat back and let Him do His work in His way and submit your judgement and will to Him…and the daily battle is keeping my hands off .  Trust and believe..and watch and what I have been blessed to witness is Him working out things that if I would have touched it … but I can barely breath it out so I am going to treasure it in my heart and continue to watch and by His grace I will continue to keep my hands off and just pray, listen and do what comes next … ever had that feeling that if you speak it it will all crumble?  yes?  then you know what I’m saying..or not saying.

she says she is changed…her eyes have been opened…verses underlined…retelling ALL of the stories told..the cross walk… verses God gave her!  I am so full of joy..thank you for the prayers..thank you.

Ever had a time when you ( the parent ) became the student of ( the child)? 

 or your child’s fire lights your fire…makes it burn hotter.  Brighter?

or the moment when your child owns their faith?  Where you can sit for hours and talk of being a Christ follower and what that means in America where Christian is a word that mean more or less than Christ? 

 

and after eating and talking way long at Panera’s today over soup and salad..while watching her blue eyes dance and tear as she was retelling stories .. we stopped outside the car and I said.  I’m so thankful for the trials and their pressure to bring me to this place.  Looking into her eyes I see her soul laid bare and not aware that it is.  Remember those days?  Your soul so laid bareSo naked before the living God.  Not caring who see’s or what they think?  Yeah – me too.  And I want it.  That soul laid bare eyes living.

xo~

have you ever been here before? 
where your children have taught you a thing or two?:)
please do tell…

Linking up with Jen over at Finding Heaven and all of the lovely word women.  Won’t you please come for a visit?

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