Monthly Archives: June 2011

Day 4 of 72 : he initiates

Ended the day on this note: opening my computer to type talk about our day but all I really want to share is just how downright grateful I am that God had me on His mind before I was ever born and saved me and calls me His own.  Because tonight – I can only imagine where my life would be ( not to mention my kids) had He not initiated a relationship with me and I believed.  So Tiffini – hold on to this verse.  And YOU too:)

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Day 3 of 72 : mundane mommy who still smiles:)

The hard lesson of this Monday: Mommies do the mundane, everyday life things even when their minds and hearts are hurting.  And they do it with a smile.

( I wanted to get Grace that striped beach towel and it is sold out!  I think they may have had it in pink also? )

grieving, analyzing, and 100 degrees has me in its grip on Monday.   The first day of the week.  The 3rd day of 72.

I do the mundane everyday mommy things: grocery shopping, taking the kids swimming, baking brownies, grilling turkey burgers for dinner, Grace and I cut up potatoes to roast.  I go through the motions but my mind. my heart is far from the mundane. the everyday.  I’m laughing that people say we are the picture perfect couple.  a ” perfect family ” .  If nothing else you take away from today’s words…please take this.  Looks are very deceiving.  In churches across our country sit families broken on the inside.  Wounds, scars, and bruises the naked eye cannot see.    But the God who sees everything does.  I silently ask again…what am I missing?

opening my Bible this morning I was convicted to spend more time praying…not a boring list of to dos with God but real focused time just pouring out my heart.  and then listened.  I thought it the most important thing I needed to do today.  I’m never sure what the day will bring and I wanted to be ready.

Things I want to remember today:

listening to Grace give me advice

talking to Dakota’s coach

looking into my son’s eyes before he went to football practice

baking brownies with Grace

talking with my friend at the pool…for 3 hours!

as I write…Grace is talking to me with a mouthful of brownie. and a white bow in her hair. and the birds are singing and the sun is setting.

and yes…we’re burnt.

 

I’d love to know what constitutes a lazy summer day for you!

what is your summer holding so far?
swimming…getting burnt?:)  BBQ’s, camping,
are you grieving, analyzing things..maybe to much?
do you ever have those days?  what helps you?

smelling like the bbq grill~

 

 

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72 days of our “simple” summer: days 1 & 2

My thought of the weekend: There is not one thing I can do to control when I die.

Once again the smell of coffee pulled me from dreams and turned the thoughts to please help me today Father..so I walked into the kitchen to pour the morning addiction into my newly found mug that reminds me that I do have a choice and so I choose JOY that today we have a Realtor coming to visit and I obediently thank Him and let go of the fact that the house is a freshly cleaned mess.  I did the best I could.  I swallow the embarrassment that I have let the house get to this point.  It’s not worth wasting the emotional energy on today so I move on to last minute picking up and head to the shower.  No hair wash for me today…just a bath.  I throw the hair up in a pony and some old Nike shorts and shirt and head out for my am 4mi. walk.

This is Our time. the sun is not to far up and it is already humid. sticky. and I want to turn around but I don’t.  It is good for a 43 year old body to exercise.  even if it is walking.  This is a good choice to take care of myself.  selfish?  I don’t know but it makes me feel better so I keep doing it.

In arms that won’t let go I search His words and today it is on rebellion.  Psalm 107 and Psalm 62 and the words that won’t let go of me are these, “Do you think we would ever acknowledge God as God alone if we didn’t experience crises when no one else could help?” You are so near me I can feel You..I grab your face and from the deepest place I can fathom in this human flesh I cry that I love You.  You have a lesson for me and I know but what?  Is it rebellion Father?  If so – show me so I can repent and experience Your freedom.  I’m trusting You in this move because 3 ways of escape have been closed.  I know not of any other ways at this point.

You can bring life to seemingly dying places.  Places like Egypt.  I feel I am heading back to Egypt but I am trusting.  Psalm 62 says that Power belongs to You and that calms the angst.

Before leaving the house yesterday I had to go to the bathroom. I know – but honestly I talk to God at those times.  I guess because I stop for a minute.  Anyway – I was telling Him if He would please go with us today and that I didn’t want to go anywhere where He didn’t go with me and how much I loved Him etc.  Grace has a two day dance recital to celebrate the end of the dance season.  Me, my mom, Nikki and Grace headed to the dance store to pickup pink tights before heading to the recital.

In a split second a red GMC Acacia caught my eye while her tire proceeded to tear off the front of my car.  That was the second that death entered into my 11 year olds heart.  The reality that we are gifted with life and it can be taken in a breath.  God let me look before I really took off at that green light.  She ran a red light.  Inches more and it would have been Grace and I’s side.  We made it to the recital.  My step dad picking us up while the tow truck took my car but left me thanking Him for His lovingkindness and that that day wasn’t the day that death touched us.

On my 4 mile walk the idea to blog through everyday this summer came to me. Why?  Maybe writing it all out may help me read between the lines??  The summer is going to be crazy and blogging through it will help me keep things in perspective…I think. We are moving on the 20th, we have much work to do at the house we are moving into, we have a Florida vacation the first week of July, I don’t know what to do about Grace’s school yet AND I am starting to write a book.  Yes – I said it.  I have NO idea what I’m going to write yet so I am just going to start and see where it leads. The summer of the mysterious book….the simple summer according to a wallflower….I may use a different voice I’m just not sure yet.  When hearts are breaking … one to many times.  thinking that there is no way.  are there really happy endings?   do dreams really come true?

this is the summer that answers will come…I’m quietly trusting.  when the huge waves come.   and they come often.  I hold on.  just hold on.

My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God ( not myself & others ) Psalm 62:5-7

The kids and I saw Kung Fu Panda 2 this weekend and here is what I took away from it.

You didn’t have a good beginning but that is not who you are.
It is who you choose to be now.  You let all of the yuck take everything that mattered.
Inner peace is the key.  We know where true ” inner peace ” comes from yes?  Jesus…and you can really learn something from a Dreamworks movie?:)

I did. We had Twizzlers and Popcorn.  I don’t usually like going to the movies but I made myself because the kids wanted to go. I’m glad I did.

Oh – Grace got her hair highlighted!  I am now one of those moms!  Yikes:)

Today I will hold on to Psalm 62 anytime the doubts assail me.  I pray your day – this summer – is filled with hope and that you also know Him as your stronghold.  I thank Him for all of you that are on this journey with me.  That I walk not alone. Now- I am off to the shower to get ready for day 2 of the recital.  We are done with pre-company and can now look forward to August so she can audition for company!  Love all of you.

courageously waiting in patient perseverance upon Him~

 

 

P.S.  I am not doing much editing through all of this because I want it to be real for me and not stress about anyone reading it.

P.S.S.  There will be no Word Women Wednesdays through the summer.  We might kickoff the school year with a new series.  We will just see where God leads.

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a bit of hope

I share this little bit of hope God gave me yesterday…I felt your prayers and your words & emails continue to sustain me.  And for this..the sustaining.. I am thankful.   I pray that He richly bless each one of your lives in that very special way that only He and you know.  ((((HUGS))))

everythingfab:  DIY: Mother’s Day Flower Bouquet!

“Great faith must have great trials.”

 

Dear one, you scarcely realize the value of your present opportunity; for if you are passing through great afflictions you are in the very soul of the strongest faith; and if you will only let go, He will teach you in these hours the mightiest hold upon His throne which you can ever know.

Be not afraid, only believe.” ( Becky my cuff!) And if you are afraid, just look up and say, ” What time I am afraid I will trust in thee,” and you will yet thank God for the school of sorrow which was to you the school of faith.  (A.B. Simpson)

I was so moved reading Cha Cha’s Intentional Spring that I just had to share it with someone:)

We are all sojourning together aren’t we? I couldn’t ask for more faithful companions.  Have a splendid weekend.  I am doing a little better today. I rented Secretariat for us to watch tonight to celebrate Grace’s last day of elementary school…sigh of sadness but a big smile that she is turning into one lovely young lady that I couldn’t be more proud to be chosen as her mama…even if it is a broken one:)

Signing out for the weekend-

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God’s Goodness And Unconditional Love ( a day late;)

Sorry girls!  I all but forgot Word Women Wednesday!  Having Monday off really threw me off but here it is a day late:)

Meet Jen.  She’s a hands on gal.  The crafty kind. … knitting, photography..you know:)  She is a breath of fresh air.  She is mama  to two kiddo’s.  As a family they have a heart to provide hope and homes for African children.  They are currently on a break here in the states from ministering and living  in Africa.   Just like the rest of us she has on ongoing narrative.  A place where her heart breathes and she offers daily doses of refreshment to weary hearted mama’s.  You can find her at her blog I Believe In Love and she writes for Today’s Mama. Be sure to stop on over and give her a big ol hug!  OK?
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The other day I set out for my morning walk by myself. This is rare.  Usually my husband is my company but this particular day it was just me, alone with my thoughts and a chance to chat with Jesus.  As I prayed for the day, I suddenly became overwhelmed to the point of tears with God’s goodness and unconditional love for me.
I’ve been in an interesting season as I’ve seen several of my dreams unfold right before my very eyes.  I’m not a dreamer by nature.  It takes an effort of my will to set aside dream busters and dream without inhibition.  As I sat down to dream, I realized that it didn’t mean these dreams were necessarily going to happen or happen soon.  Imagine my surprise when opportunities started coming my way that were directly related to those dreams!
It has left me asking God, “Why??”  In a good way, but in a way like “God, how do I deserve to see my dreams fulfilled?” Sometimes my faults and imperfections seem to weigh down so heavy on me that it’s hard to imagine such great things coming my way.  As I asked the question, “Why?” I felt God saying, “Because I love you…”  Tears spewed, and my mind drifted to my own kids.  Yes, they frustrate me at times but that never changes my unconditional love for them.  I want to give them good gifts, just as God wants to do that with us.  It’s not because we somehow deserve them but simply because of His overwhelming love for us.
So many times I am completely in awe of the depth of God’s love.  Will I ever truly understand it?  Maybe in heaven.  Until then, it drives me to pursue God even more passionately!
Happy Thursday-
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