Day 22 of 72 : wallpaper of lies..a list

God sees our willingness to be free and our faith to believe
He could accomplish what we are powerless to do
Beth Moore…Breaking Free

I’m processing here so please bear with me.  I posted here about “feeling loosed” .  A couple of days later God showed me through my days study in Beth Moore’s Breaking Free that I really am loosed!  Here is one way she explains it.

it more than asking for forgiveness of sins; I am determined to be free.
Because I am ready to fully cooperate with God, my eyes are opened to mind-binding lies and
I sought the divine strength necessary to tear them down.

Beth has you write down all of the lies that come to mind. The lies tumbled one after the other onto paper.   I am becoming a free woman for the first time in my life! How Beth explains it made total sense to me.  I asked for forgiveness etc. but nothing really ever changed.  Here is what she said

“We can be forgiven however, and still not be free.  And if we’re not free, we will soon cycle back into sin.  Happens all the time.”

Guess what? I’ve cycled 43 years…in almost the very same spot!   But by His grace and mercy my eyes have been opened. I would have never thought blogging through this summer…things like this would happen.  I’m fragile and I know this is the tip of the iceburg.

He’s let me glimpse that child of long ago..full of confusion, pain and grief from lies of open oozing wounds..she’s unknowingly been controlling me my wholele life…this little girl Tiffini.  Looking at her used to bring me pain..followed by frustration and then anger.

but now..and then..GOD..

There was a wound once in a gentle heart,
Whence all life’s sweetness seemed to ebb and die;
And love’s confiding changed to bitter smart,
While slow, sad years went by.

Yet as they passed, unseen an angel stole
And laid the balm of healing on the pain,
Till love grew purer in the heart made whole,
And peace came back again…author unknown


My thinking in blogging through 72 Days of Summer was I would begin to see a pattern..God speaking..maybe I’m missing something?  I don’t want to ever forget these lies.  Now that I am more aware of them I am able to see them more easily and I am able to shut them down. I believe these lies were planted as a very young child..possibly even infancy.  And then came reoccurring life events to shove them down deep and as child I didn’t even know it. Here is my wallpaper list of lies that has been glued to the walls of  my mind ever since.  I left some out for privacy and believe it or not they are still coming.

:: My Wallpaper List of Lies ::

  • I’m not responsible for other people’s actions ( HUGE )
  • it’s all my fault
  • that something is really wrong with me and others can see it
  • I’m not worth being loved
  • staying in relatienship for years to punish myself
  • don’t deserve happiness
  • love is earned.  I have to “do” to be loved
  • feeling like a little  girl inside…not a woman who can make choices
  • I’m not able to make my own decisions..especially good ones
  • men ( especially those in authority ) scare me…bad.  This is a hard one!
  • I am stupid
  • not a good mom
  • you will never make it on your own
  • I need someone to take care of me
  • no one will believe me
  • I’m not enough

Seeing them in black & white I’m able to see how my life has played out with these patterns of thinking….can’t you?

Have you been stuck in something for a long time
and wonder if maybe a lie is behind it?  If so – you are not alone.
Linking up with Jen for SDG @ Finding Heaven
Beautiful picture credits to David Eustace…thanks Mr. Eustace for finding beauty through a lens

XO~

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Amy Sullivan - T,

Wheet-woo! The new changes look perfect.

My wallpaper of lies has this spraypainted in bright orange. . .You are your past. I know it isn't true, but I live as if it is.

I love how you are able to be so vulnerable. It is a quality I certainly do not have, not yet!

Maria - Wow! Just to see Our Lord work in your life is so powerful and so liberating when you truly embrace His Truth!

What an Awesome God we serve!!!

Maria

Erika - I have believed SO many lies, and I'm still breaking free, "taking captive EVERY thought, making it obedient to Christ." Thank you for this post. What encouragement it is to hear other Sisters experiencing and LIVING the freedom we have in Christ!

Jen - Some of these lies seem familiar to me, too.

And girl, just as you write them in search of your own freedom, we who read also find our own traps…our own lies that we have believed.

And we become, sojourners together, in the thirst for freedom.

Patti Hanan - I have also benefited from Beth Moore's teachings. It can take time to break free from all the lies we believe, but it is worth the effort. Jesus came to set the captives free!

Glenda Childers - Ah, sweet Tiffini, that is an honest list of lies. My friend Anne always says, "God meets us where we are, not where we pretend to be." I am praying with you, dearest, that God will meet you right there and one by one . . . replace lies with His sweet truth, ie. JESUS Himself.

I really adore Beth Moore.

Fondly,

Glenda

Robyn Q - Loving this. I am starting that Beth Moore study just this Friday!! I can't wait to find all the hidden truth treasures. It is so true how freedom takes my (our)acceptance, our moving forward, not in striving & working but in trusting. Trusting God enough…as much as I don't want to struggle, this is the place I still am growing through. So so lovely that you share your growing/blooming season here. I just think it is glimpses of heaven! Hugs my dear friend. So wish we could sip tea from long straws late into the evening! Blessings…

jill - Thank you for your vulnerability! Much power in that my friend!

I also did this Beth Moore study and it was amazing. As you embrace God's truth in your life, i pray that you will continue to Glorify Him through the words on this blog. Bless you.

Jennifer - Thank you for sharing the Truth you are uncovering! Lies keep us in bondage, don't they? I loved the Breaking Free study (I love all Beth's studies, actually :). Being able to recognize the lies – that is truly the beginning of healing! Exposing the lies to the light of Truth (and sharing them in this space) helps you to see those lies for what they are: chains that keep you captive, in bondage. I am joyful for you and the patterns you are changing!

Kendra - The more I read from you, the more I want to hug you! Thank you again for sharing so bravely with God and us. It was like you were reading my wallpaper of lies.

Eileen - Tifini, I've definitely told myself and once believed some of those same lies. But like Jennifer said, these lies only hold us captive. We need to meditate on His truths and let Him heal us from the lies we've believed for so long.

LLH Designs - Breaking agreements with lifelong lies we've believed is HUGE! So proud of you! This is big stuff! Sounds like a great study…and similar to some of the things I learned at a "Captivating" retreat last year. Keep bustin' loose!
xo,
Linsey

Connie@raise your ey - Oh Tiffini,

Praying for you as GOD heals you from the past…just as he did for me.

And yet…it's all part of our story…all that was meant for evil, GOD will use for good (Genesis 50:20)as you heal and leave the lies in the dust where they belong.

Draw a line in that dust and determine that, with GOD's help, it all stops with you, and will not be part of your children's story.

All for GOD,
Connie

Jodene Shaw - Oh, Tiffini, I have gone thru Breaking Free and uncovered lies I believed also! MANY that you listed were the same for me! I am so excited for you to be discovering these beliefs so that you can see them for what they are and let God lead you into His truth to hang up the "new wallpaper" to believe!

Jennifer - What beautiful pictures! Tifini, you are very brave to share your list of lies. I hope and pray that this IS the start where you can truly break free. I can empathize–we can be forgiven but not ever release ourselves from the lies which hold us. Thank you for sharing your blog.

Joybird - Tif, I am so glad He is showing you all of this. I am a firm believer that He doesn't reveal ugly things at work in our life without wanting to demolish them and rescue us…and others through our story. And great choices on the pictures. They are stunning and wonderfully evocative of your journey.

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