daring to praise even when I don’t feel like it

Praise will still open fountains in the desert, when murmuring will only bring us judgement, and even prayer may fail to reach the fountains of blessing.  There is nothing that pleases the Lord so much as praise….daring to praise Him even for those trials which are but blessings in disguise?  Streams in the Desert

The call shattered into my already depleted and pain wracked body and soul. The facade I wear..the smile of everything is ok is so normal and comfortable I forget I’m wearing it…until I get home and the door rolls down and I secretively pray that nobody sees me and talks.  I want to go hide.  not forever just for a bit.  I wallow for just a bit and the tears finally come and I admit I’m mad at You…but I know You know that. When is it going to ..How is a momma ..hemmed on every side to the naked human eye to find a way when there is no way?..and I fight.  I hear myself talking to myself…choose joy Tiffini…be thankful.  I’ve got a cold on top of my infusion and at least my baby doesn’t have cancer and even though I hate my side bangs my hair isn’t falling out and Oh God the human flesh sears with its ugly.  Can’t I just discard it?  and I sleep. All I really want is

To be left alone…

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and I check email this afternoon and this is what I read.  And He knows what I really need. Is this really real?  do women really do this?  I want to give this to others and deep down…I really don’t want to be alone.  I want this.  Community.  and thankfulness i could “feel” entered.  I have this.  Women friends who speak life to me.  With no strings of judgement.  I’m hurting and have been since I can remember.  I don’t want to hurt like this forever.  I know there are other women who hurt.  In different ways than mine but hurt feels the same doesn’t it? Can – and are we – helping each other or making the hurt deeper by our unwillingness to give grace…I ask myself?

You have been hurt by women. I could see the pain in your eyes… And I’ve never done this before but… I feel prompted to make you a promise of friendship.”

I promise I will never speak an unkind word to or about you. I will never be jealous of you. I will never compete with you. I will never abandon or betray you. I will love you. I will pray for you. I will do all I can to help you go far and wide in the Kingdom.

I will accept you as you are, always. I will be loyal to you. Before our loving God of grace, you have my words and my heart in friendship for this life and forever with Him.”  from A Holy Experience  “How hurting women can help each other heal”.

Today, in this moment, daring to praise Him for the way in which there is no way…but by and through Him.

Thank you for being a friend,

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Stephanie Clayton - Oh Tiffy, things are tough right now…I wish I could take it away from you, but deep down I know God has a purpose in our suffering. I cannot tell you how many times I want to just be alone, almost beleiving that if I am alone long enough, it will all just go away. And then something happens, and I am jolted back to reality. Reality is you are here on this earth for a purpose, your blog has spoken to my heart more times than I could conceivably count, and I know this is the case for many other women as well. Don't beat yourself up for being in a tough place, we are all there at times, I should know, I dwell there quiet often, LOL! But we are all here for eachother, and I love you dear sister, for your honesty, because you are real, and because of the love you share in your posts. You won't feel like this forever, just for a season, and I know God has plans to show His glory to you in the process…so get ready to be blinded…cause His glory is a coming!!!

kerrie sanderson - I have been there…in the hurt…many times. Still am…at times. When my husband and I seperated nearly 7 yrs. ago I thought I would die. My heart was so broken, the pain overwelming. My four children were all home 24/7, we homeschooled, and at the sensative ages of 14-9. I knew it was hurting them and I didn't know how to make it better. I had no where to go to be alone. At night I would bury my head in pillows in my bedroom closet crying, hoping they wouldn't hear me. I can tell you that He never left me. He never left my husband. He never left my children. He loved us through it all. He brought us back together…and He is still restoring us. You will make it. He will not leave you in this place of brokenness. He will bring you out of the miry clay. He will flood your heart with love that heals every wound. He will. You cannot do it yourself. I have spent many years laying in puddles of nothingness…the suffering leading me to love. He is always with me. He is so gentle with me. He knows my frailty, that I am fragile and weak. He is so careful with me. His love like no other. He knows how to care for you and will bring you to those places of rest and happiness you long for. He will. He will not leave you in this place. You are loved, You are wanted, You are desired, YOu are beautiful, You are precious, YOu are valued, You are worthy, You are ransomed. Never left, never alone, never abandoned, never rejected. Loved. YOu are loved. We are loved…and that love will see you through… to the beauty.

misty - Choose Joy… Choose joy… I keep saying it to myself over and over and over… {Thanks for the reminder! This is an evening where i certainly needed it.}

marlece - Tiffini, this makes me think of what I read last night in Ann's '1000 Gifts' book. It struck me so strongly, she said, "Feel thanks and it's absolutely impossible to feel angry (or whatever the feeling is). For we can only experience one emotion at a time. And we get to choose-which emotion we want to feel." Don't you love that? So, it looks like you are on the right path when you are 'talking yourself thru it with thanksgiving in your minds eye', so I say way to go! It does sound like you have some great support in friendship….

Thinking of you, Marlece

Becky @ Farmgirl Pai - oh girlie…i hear your pain. i'm so sorry you don't feel good much of the time and things are hard and probably isolating. when it's a struggle like that you can feel so alone. you never are. he's right there. thanks for such a real post and for being so kind. it's wonderful to have other women to lift you up and to pray. praying for you now!

Paula - My Sweet Friend,

I know you are hurting, how could you not be. Physically and mentally. The treatments are taxing on your body and draining on your mind. Rest in His arms and regain your strength from Him. Focus on Him alone, close out the things of the world that don't really matter, family matters. Your daughter matters. We are thankful! I am so sorry that you are hurting right now. I wish I could take your place but God is doing a mighty work in and through you right now. He found you a good and worthy vessel. Your words touch so many of us and inspire so many of us. You just can't imagine.

I am your friend. no judgement. no jealousy. no abandonment. no betrayal. loyal to the end. ready and willing for what God has in store for all of us. women encouraging women. loving our families and also having room for our new friends.

Love You Sweet Tiffini, you make me want to be a better person.

Robyn Q - Hey you. How goes it? I read this post yesterday, didn't have time to say anything but I prayed and I prayed as I drove into the morning sun for you. I hate those dark days. The nights that feel like they might consume us. All these women are right, they've spoken such truth. You are never alone. And we shouldn't rush grief…the hurt…the darkness. But never feel like you are alone in it. Jesus, your groom, remember He never takes His eye off you. Something good will come & His ways are higher than ours. Rest. You are protected. You are loved. And the ones God has called are here – step by step, pause by pause, with you.

Abby - Love You! and i loved this post of Ann's…this is why we are here…praying, praying and thank you for praying for us!

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