WORD-women Wednesdays {Linkup Party!}

WORD-women. Hoping your day is full of awe and wonder and let us pray as Isaiah 57:14….to remove the obstacles out of the way of us and our families…

I’m giving the post over to my WORD-sister Jen from Finding Heaven and our Father.  He is the one who sets the captives free and may our naked eyes see Him high and lifted up...able to scoop up a crumbling heap of a mess…taking us into His hands…hands that heal and will NEVER let us go.

Here is Jen’s story of captivity…she is a brave Word-woman and she is jumping naked for sure!!xo

My husband is a recovering porn addict.  I am a recovering trying-to-control-my-husband’s-every-last-move addict.  His captivity provided monstrous amounts of fuel that powered my desire to cure him, rehabilitate him, to help him become consumed him with anything but porn.  I bought him books.  We arranged counseling.  I monitored his email accounts, his web browser history, his time on the computer.  I drilled him, I questioned him, I cried out to him – How could you do this to me? And before I knew it, we were both enslaved.  We were trapped by different chains, but they were chains nonetheless.  They held us back from Jesus.  They held us back from each other.  They threatened to keep us seated in our own personal prisons forever.

As much as I prayed that God would heal him from his addiction, and as much as I knew that he could be set free, I simply could not let God handle this one on His own.  There were too many things at stake – my marriage, my husband’s life, my children, my self-respect, his self-respect. Somehow, I had fooled myself that becoming the porn police was going to ensure successful recovery.  Somehow, I had fallen into the trap of believing that if I said and did the right things, healing would take place. I couldn’t help but try to orchestrate the whole thing, because I felt that if I didn’t get control over this situation, everything as I knew it would fall apart.  Crumble.  Cease to exist.

I focused all my energy on what he was doing and why he was doing it that I simply forgot to do two very important things:

Trust God.

Love my husband.

See, in my attempt to control, I forgot to surrender.  I forgot to let God work.  I forgot to let God heal.  I forgot that Craig belonged to Him and not just to me.  In the end, I became blinded by the enormity of the problem instead of boasting of the immensity of God’s power.  Chains have a way of making you forget the power of the One you serve.

And I lost sight of my husband.  I began to define him by what he was doing instead of who God created him to be.  Whenever I looked at him, he was either a project or someone who had been disloyal and hurtful.  There wasn’t a whole lot of loving in the mix, except for those times when God used me to show him how much He was calling him back into the fold.  I did have a few moments of clarity and wisdom.  A few.

Through the whole process (we’re talking years here) of confession, unearthing, and recovery, God has broken the heavy chains of pornography in my husband and the heavy chains of a controlling nature in me.  Sure, every now and then, I have the urge to check up on him, just to make sure that he’s not falling back into old habits.  And sometimes, I wish this whole ordeal had never happened.  But, there is such beauty in broken chains.  There is freedom from the bondage itself, but also freedom from all the shame and guilt associated with it.  I wouldn’t know the fullness of freedom if I hadn’t first been enslaved.  And I wouldn’t understand the power of light to pierce through the darkness.

A note to the readers:  My husband has read every word of this essay and I have his full permission to publish it.  We feel that pornography is a huge problem in our society, one that is rarely spoken of, and usually filled with shame, especially when in the context of marriages.  We seek to be a resource, and as such, have become willing to share our story.  If you need to talk to someone or have specific questions, please feel free to contact me at jenfergie2000 {at} me {dot} com. I’m no expert, but am happy to help and pray.

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Today, if you’d like to share with us on any area of captivity you have/or are struggled with … just enter in the direct URL to your exact post….. If you share –  we would love you to help us find each other by sharing our WORD-women button{ I am working on the button for next week…so until then just link back here in your post somewhere} thanks so much:) Read HERE about WORD-women Wednesdays and what it is about.

The linky will be open until Thursday evening for your convenience.

WE WILL have it setup for your picture to post with your linkup also…next week:)

If you don’t have a blog and want to follow along you are always welcome to leave a comment and someone will get back with you:)

If there is anything we can pray for you about please email Jenn at jenfergie2000@me.com or myself @ tiffkilgore@live.com  You don’t have to be specific..God knows those things.

We are glad you stopped by and pray that 2011 be a simply abundant year to be savored.  FULL of captives set free…giving Him glory…and stopping to help others who are in chains with grace and love.  We hope we can become a woven net underneath you.

Fearlessly

T