Meet my friend Amy over @ Amy Sullivan…what consumes you? She makes me laugh with almost every email..I just love her..I see her as my teacher in some way..what more can I say? Her heart is gripped by God to write…I love that about her and I pray her words seep into your soul…deep down.
Tiffini challenged us; What keeps you captive in your own mess? Tough question, but I immediately knew the answer.
See, my mess doesn’t look like this.
My mess looks more like this.
My room of captivity? Perfectionism. Perfectionism and performance.
I can give you a laundry list of reasons why my self-worth is tightly coupled to these ugly words, but shiny people don’t list the origin of our flaws, and we certainly do not wallow in them.
I’m sorry to hear about your problems. Head up, shoulders back. Brush it off and march on. The ground may shake and the walls crash, but when the dust clears, you need to be standing, and preferably with a smile.
At times, being a perfectionist serves me well. I succeed, often, and that feels amazing.
The not-so-great part? I can’t stop trying to prove myself, and that feels sickening.
And here’s the real downer, friends—you can’t be a perfect writer, ever.
Do you know how many times I’ve reread a submission, post, comment, or email only to find it full of errors? Um, countless times.
Any idea what I want to do about these simple mistakes I’ve made? If you guessed smash a coffee cup into the computer screen, you guessed correctly.
Writing is full of mistakes and rejection, and I’m not talking about the kind of rejection that comes in a stamped envelope or a “maybe next time” email, I’m talking about the kind of rejection that comes from friends and family. Yep, the kind of rejection that comes from people not understanding what you are doing, or the kind of rejection that comes from blaring silence.
So why would God, who knows perfectionism is my issue, give me the insatiable desire to write? Writing, a calling that demands I deal with my flaws, daily; a calling that allows people to deem me less-than perfect, often.
The obvious answer? Because perfectionism is my issue, and that sickening feeling that propels me, will also haunt me until I learn my worth isn’t tied to what I achieve, publish, or accomplish, but my worth is found Him.
I must grasp tightly to what I know to be true—
I don’t have to be shiny. I can be flawed. Achievement doesn’t equal worth. I don’t earn more love based on more accomplishments. My value isn’t in thoughts scribbled across blank pages. My true worth is with Him, and I’m pretty sure He doesn’t care about a few grammatical errors.
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Amy – I am STILL trying to wrap my head around YOUR question
why would God, who knows perfectionism is my issue, give me the insatiable desire to write???
You took a HUGE area of captivity and just put it in a nice little package…easy to open and turn over and over…thank you. I wish I could reach out and just hug you!
Go visit this girl…she lets her daughter Amelia guest post every now..under My Girls View and she is a DOLL! Amy’s destination is GRATEFUL GIVING.
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Today, if you’d like to share with us on any area of captivity you have/or are struggled with … just enter in the direct URL to your exact post….. If you share – please provide a link back to thehouseofbelonging.com.
I read "So Long Insecurity" by Beth Moore last year, and in it she dealt so perfectly with perfectionism…she said the root of it is insecurity….and it resonated with my soul…and kept me on this journey toward freedom from the grips of it.
beautiful post.
My husband has this same stronghold. I often thought POOR YOU>>ALWaYS BEING SO PERFECT. In the past, it was really hard to live with and I know it is even harder on him. He has overcome a lot , through God's grace and deliverence, but I know as with any stronghold, it is a battle for him.
prayers to you. You are awesome and so beautiful in God's eyes.
xo
I don't know if you can hear me, being that we live in two different states, but right now, I'm standing up and applauding you.
And, you see, I've never seen flaws in your writing. There have been no blaring grammatical errors that I've seen. And, I think that is not because you are perfect, but because the Holy Spirit flows through your writing. And I am so caught up in His ideas that those little typos don't even register.
You are amazing. Imperfectly amazing.
Imperfectly amazing…yes Jen – she is isn't she? I always come away seeing Him…
Thanks so much for the thoughts. I have linked up and blogged about it on my site today as well…
"keep charging forward"
always, Kate
catchupwithkate.blogspot.com
oh boy can I relate to this post! (Not the perfect tidy house part) but the constantly analyzing what I am writing and trying to do it perfectly. I think many us perfectionists are called to be writers so that God can constantly remind us the our identity and worth need to rest in Him and him alone! Thank you for your honesty!
Ladies,
Thanks for all of the encouraging words and comments.
T, thanks for being the hostess with the mostess. I know I'm only the third to share in this series, but I feel as if each week we are going to see parts of ourselves in all the women who post here. What an amazing feeling to see we aren't alone in our struggles!
Love this, Amy! Sharing your heart in the brokenness of words, beautifully as usual.
What a great post Amy! Love this and can relate all too well. You inspire me!
if you want, i could give you some pointers on NOT being a perfectionist. since i'm not one. my husband doesn't understand me!
we want Kendal:)
Amy, did you read 'Good. Better. Best.'? It was my poem submission for RAP at the high calling about…you guessed it…perfectionism! I still have to hear others who really aren't perfectionists (kendal!) to realize that this isn't how everyone thinks! oh my…love all of it and can relate to all of it…and linked 'Good. Better.Best.' to tiffini's super new link-up!
Abby,
No, I didn't read it, but yes, I want to! Heading over now.
Amy,
Thanks for bringing me over here, looks like a neat place! When you said, "I just can't stop trying to prove myself" it stopped me dead in my tracks. I have never associated this quality in myself with perfectionism…more like low self-esteem, or something. But you've given me something to think about and thank you for that. And also, thank you for being so transparent in sharing. We need to do that more.
Amy – I loved this post! And I am way too busy being captivated by your amazing heart, and your daughters heart for that matter to ever even notice a grammer error! You are such a beautiful person
Remember Jesus came to set the captives free, but Satan came to take the free captive, don't let Satan bind you up in perfectionism, throw a little messiness right in his icky face!
LOVE this post. Perfectionism is a beast! I like this saying… perfectionism leads to procrastination which leads to paralysis.
I often delay doing what needs to be done today because I think it won't be PERFECT!
I just had a son in September and was flooded with gifts and abundance from all of our friends, family, co-workers, etc.
I started feeling obsessive about sending thank you cards… and it was like a heavy weight that was always on me. I starting feeling that the thank you letter thing was a silly ritual that didn't mean anything when I do it out of obligation.
Sometimes, I'd rather just call a person and thank them or give them a hug or be imperfect and not send a thank you card at all! LOL! To just RECEIVE and not have to work at returning the favor.
Any ways, thanks for sharing. Really spoke to me. BTW, is that your house? That room is beautiful!
Genevieve,
My best friend (from years ago!) was also named Genevieve. Love it. Your name reminds me of a princess.
My house? Um, no, no. Just one fab picture. If I lived there, multiple coffee stains could be seen on the couch!